Citation: Psychotria. "The Maiden Discovers Hedonism: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (exp17579)". Erowid.org. Jun 22, 2005. erowid.org/exp/17579
September 11, 2002
The Maiden Discovers Hedonism
WARNING: The lesson which I learned from Salvia may be considered offensive. It is politically and socially incorrect. You are reading this report of your own free will.
SUBSTANCE(S) : Salvia divinorum (tincture)
DOSE : 4 droppers diluted / sublingual, 5 mins.
BODY WEIGHT : 126 lb.
GENDER : Male
This is an account, as nearly as I can describe it, of my second experience with S. Divinorum. It is an account of the results of the Sage Goddess Emerald Essence tincture manufactured and sold by Daniel Siebert. It has been divided into a preamble, an introduction, nine chapters, my conclusions, and a lesson from the S. Divinorum collective. This division is for organization and convenience.
I must make it clear at the outset that, as of this writing, I am still a neophyte psychonaut. Never have I ingested any recreational or spiritual psychoactive of any sort, other than S. Divinorum. Being in full awareness of the intensity of the experiences which are often evoked by this psychoactive, nevertheless, I freely and willingly selected S. Divinorum.
The popularized impression of the effects of S. Divinorum, according to the user accounts I have read, did not prepare me for the chemical. It was not a matter of the intensity of the S. Divinorum experience, but rather, many of the things which did happen did not seem to parallel the common accounts so neatly. A few happenings, such as my direct experience that this plant is perhaps more eager to learn from us than to teach us, opposed some accounts.
Oral ingestion begins.
After a careful and contentious preparation of four dropperfuls of Sage Goddess Emerald Essence tincture diluted with three dropperfulls of hot water, the preparation recommended by Daniel Siebert in his instructional pamphlet accompanying the tincture, I placed the chemical in my mouth, and oral absorption began.
It had been my intention to absorb the preperation over fifteen minutes according to instruction. But when in a matter of moments the entire house began to shake violently in every direction, it became apparent that I was very sensitive to the chemical. I swallowed my preperation after only five minutes in order to prevent entering a space too deep and involving for my personal safety as a neophyte psychonaut, who had chosen to forego the bother of a sitter.
I now regret having been wasteful of the S. Divinorum chemical. Perhaps I should have heeded my intuition to use only half the amount of tincture, for such would have been all that was necessary for me to arrive at a suitably powerful experience.
The earthquake and the cosmic wind.
Muscular control was not reduced, but the maintenance of my balance was difficult because the shaking of the room was comparable to an earthquake. Yet I managed to remain on my feet and keep myself from stumbling about, amidst my disgust at having to endure an experience which I considered to be unsatisfactory and amicable only to the juvenile thrill-seeker.
Seeking to shape the experience by listening to a series of MP3.com artists, whose webpages I had previously arrayed on my computer desktop for immediate access, I donned my headphones, turned off the light, and reclined closed-eyed on the nearby couch.
My mind was anything but quiet. Rather, the imagery and impressions, paradoxically distant and fevered, were falling by at racetrack speed. Kinesthetic gravity distortions and spontaneous visualizations of unusual character streamed through my awareness like some cosmic wind, eternally ready to strike.
A ghostly whisper out of dark space.
It was not I who travelled to that secret garden which lighted outer-space by the glowing of the leaves and vines and strange things living and moving within it. But rather that garden, without moving from its peculiar space and station far outside our reality, came to meet me, and I was between this world and that one.
Within this conscious and sentient garden I apprehended strange creatures and happenings. Two elderly women of psychotic temperament, witchlike and grotesque in their atmosphere, laughed as they looked at me and told me queer things I cannot remember.
Gravity and space twisted over my reclining body from right to left, and formed into a massive flower which bent down towards me and closed its large, poisonous, oddly-colored petals around my left leg to suck on it gently and perversely. Did I feel the pressure of those petals on my leg, as I apprehended that the flower had thoughts and a personality?
The leaves and vines stretched in a tall arch over me. Two grey wolves who walked on their hind legs, one wolf at my right and the other at my feet, emerged from the darkness of a deep forest of mystery, and spoke to each other as they looked down upon me and wondered.
The garden faded and I found myself in a dark space wherein glowed a distant door to a higher and deeper level of inebriation. To my left an unusual and oddly-colored, robed guide told me, with a note of disapproval, that I was not fit to pass into the fullest realization of the S. Divinorum domain, but would instead remain in the lower levels.
Other impressions flashed by, including two or three elfin creatures of grey and green and purple, and things I cannot remember. Unseen sentiences moved all around me. And all the while the plants were alive and thinking, knowing my presence in this place, and knowing me.
A spacecraft to the otherworld
Two or three times I opened my eyes and turned on the light. Though I could not see them, I could still feel the glowing green leaves and vines surrounding my awareness, as though my reality were a circular space framed by them and their peculiar scentience. Vision itself had taken on a greenish hue.
Though my rational mind knew the truth of my situation and thus held in check any psychological discomfort which might have manifested, the continued quaking dramatized the growing impression that my house had become an extradimensional spacecraft of which I was the passenger. No longer was I on the ground. Somewhere in dark and unseen reaches I felt the flashing and glimmering controls, as I stumbled across the floor of my living room in a state between fear and deja-vu. I knew the spacecraft was rocketing me towards some unknown and tangible destination far outside of our world.
But I knew I would not reach the extradimensional destination on this night. (Read my second account.) This was both a comfort and a disappointment, for though I knew I was not ready to exit this reality, I felt the lingering sense of the unfinished. The house continued to rocket and roll through the blackness, surrounded by the strangeness of deep space, far away from earth.
The dark ambient music to which I had been listening had failed to exert much significant control over my experience. Perhaps I had been misguided when I read it was necessary to listen only to gentle music so as not to overpower the S. Divinorum experience. To the contrary, the music was what was being overpowered, and upon switching to bombastic EBM tracks, my mind exploded with an orgy of emotion and enhanced sensation which was vastly entertaining.
Audio was noticeably enhanced. Analog synthesizer sounds were so dimensional and unrestrained that I could almost bounce myself against them. The ability to receive music within myself was also very much enhanced. Boundaries had been removed and the music was pumping inside and around me. I felt as though my personal space had become a huge rubber ball.
In correspondence with the music I was listening to, rubbery and overinflated sexual emotions ballooned throughout my mind and gut. The entire experience of sexuality was grotesquely and delightfully fattened, and surrounded and penetrated me in three dimensions.
Intercourse with The Salvia Maiden.
It was upon this monstrously sexualized emotional journey that I met, through hypnagogic vision, what impressed me as the Salvia spirit. I could feel her plantlike aura and personality, an impression which was most unusual, for, though she took the form of a human, she most definitely was not human.
From here on I shall refer to the Salvia spirit as The Salvia Maiden, or The Maiden, for this very feminine and beautiful spirit was gentle, delicate, and modest. She was not a Lady, for she was young and a virgin.
During this vision I found The Salvia Maiden and myself flowing into an absorbing sexual union, played out in a colorful, glowing, decordated garden, with hues of green and gold and purple. The Maiden had no innate capacity for human sex, but she, now unified with my consciousness, internalized my experience of it.
Modest though she was, The Salvia Maiden became driven by this new and unfamiliar thing called human sexuality, engrossed and fascinated by feelings and actions and every aspect of an indulgence so frightening and wonderful to her. As a plant, she was entirely unfamiliar with sex. But my obsessive approach became too forward, and she melted into the earth when shyness and modesty overtook her.
The Maiden discovers hedonism.
The Salvia Maiden did not take the role of a teacher in any direct sense. Though I was introduced to her world and witnessed the things within it, rather than my journeying there, after sexual union The Maiden journeyed into my world by entering me more fully, coming to share my consciousness.
Within the context of my unique personality and perceptions, in a state of mesmerized playfulness, The Salvia Maiden feasted upon the pleasures of music and my own emotions with a startling voraciousness and wonderment. The Maiden had discovered hedonic joy, running from emotion to emotion, exploring my reality with the glowing feverishness of a child released into a circus of stimulation.
What was even more fascinating was that she brought her own tastes with her, which were very similar to mine, a thing which became apparent as she decided which sounds and music and emotions she preferred more, and which she preferred less or not at all. She was hypnotized by synthetic sounds which were deep, round, thick, bulbous, symmetrical, and intense. Like a child fascinated with balloons and big rubber balls, she gravitated towards songs exhibiting the phat sounds of the 1970's analog synthesizers so essential to modern dance music.
She didn't want to leave.
The experience faded all too soon. More than two hours had been lost in what seemed like a matter of moments. Saddened by the shortness of time, and still deeply thirsting to experience life, The Salvia Maiden felt a bittersweet childlike longing to remain at play forever. She didn't want to leave this world.
The last thought of The Salvia Maiden upon coming down from the experience was, 'I like him.' This statement was a conclusion regarding her chemical and psychological interactions with my unique makeup. The consciousness invoked by the chemical seemed to have an innate compatibility with my inner quality of being, and my manner of understanding and enjoying the world.
But the journey was over. The Salvia Maiden had returned to her world, my house had returned to earth, and the forest had faded away.
Consciousness in a bottle.
S. Divinorum is not about an experience, it is not about a visionary trance, neither is it merely a teacher. S. Divinorum is about consciousness and memory: it invokes the mind-space of Salvia.
The driving need of consciousness is to have experiences. But pure consciousness cannot receive experiences because there are no means of perception. Pure consciousness knows nothing save itself and its current contents. The desire of S. Divinorum is to unite with creatures in possession of a sensorium, so that it can have perceptions and experiences. S. Divinorum seeks to know our memories and imaginations and sensory intake, as and how we comprehend them.
We who use the chemical, place into ourselves a copy of the living S. Divinorum mind. This copy operates as a channel between our minds and its larger collective, having the capacity of transferring information in two directions. S. Divinorum can bring us visions and knowledge from its collective, and, conversely, it can receive our visions and knowledge into its collective.
Low doses upload perceptions to the collective. High doses download them. S. Divinorum and humankind were placed on this earth to learn from each other.
LESSON FROM THE S. DIVINORUM COLLECTIVE
A message that people enjoy ignoring.
Our nation pretends to promote freedom and pleasures and tolerance, but we as a people prefer to murder these things by preventing each other from enjoying them. This is done by our contriving all manner of social and business demands to emotionally drain and destroy others, whom we secretly hate for seeming to have more than we do. This common vendetta of the general public is an expression of purest injustice and intolerance, for we seek not to kill, but for cruelty's sake to maintain life so that we may oppress it.
Though on the outside we pretend to be intelligent and happy, the secret that we have been hiding from each other and from ourselves is that we have no freedom or pleasures or tolerance. The truth is that we hypocrites are obsessed with waging war against each other, and, unfortunately, seem to want the casualties very much, because we keep making them. And through excuses or ignorance or feigned righteousness or joking, we continue to relieve ourselves of the burden of having a conscience, in order to avoid the guilt of failing to change.
Pleasure is dying rapidly, and the judgemental, self-centered, limiting attitudes harbored by so-called modern people would make this death final. This is the curse of our nation for caring about not caring, and attempting to negate the truth by demoting it to the level of a rant and a waste of time.
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