I Am AFRAID Of My Medicine
Venlafaxine (Effexor)
Citation:   morchella. "I Am AFRAID Of My Medicine: An Experience with Venlafaxine (Effexor) (exp17353)". Erowid.org. Sep 8, 2002. erowid.org/exp/17353

 
DOSE:
  oral Pharms - Venlafaxine (daily)
BODY WEIGHT: 180 lb
Several months ago, I began experiencing increasingly uncomfortabe panic attacks: tunnel-vision, light-headedness, loud and irregular heart-pounding, feelings of impending doom, and overwhelming fear of death. All accompanied by an enormous wall of denial - like if I just didn't think about it or admit it to myself or anyone else, it would go away.

Finally, I developed a condition known as 'globus hystericans,' or in plain English, 'the hysterical feeling of something caught in your throat'. Indeed. I kid you not - after a week or so of panicking about the fucking TUMOR I could feel in my throat, I freaked out and made my partner take me to the emergency room. 2 x-rays, a barium-swallow test, and a thyroid ultrasound later, I find out that it's just my goddamned MIND sabbotaging my own happiness.

One short visit to a local doctor earned me a script for Effexor, a new pharmie for anxiety/depression. Mind you, he spoke to me for all of 15 minutes, and this was my first visit. Let me let you in on a little something about the pharmecutical business in America. In America, I don't believe there's a single doctor yet who pays for his/her own lunch. No, really. Every doctor spends lunchtime being wooed by big-business drug salesmen. I work at a restaurant and we do a shitload of caterings for drug reps - on company money, of course. I imagine a free lunch everyday is only the tip of the greasy iceberg . . . but I digress.

My doc had an Effexor pen, a NICE kinda chunky spaceage pen like they'd use on the shuttle. He had Effexor post-it notes. Man, for all I know he had Effexor underwear. Ok, so I take the meds, and lo and behold, after a few days of feeling pretty cracked-out and sketchy, I started to feel, well, better, yes better and the lump in my throat melted away, and I could sleep thru the night without feeling like I was having a heart-attack. In fact, I felt pretty good: the panic attacks and fainting spells went away, and I felt like my old self again, to my immense relief. I loved my meds.

Skip ahead 6 months. I've lost my health insurance, and now I have to pay full price for the magic beans. 100 lousy dollars a month, oh, but I pay, I pay BELIEVE ME. Here's the real kick in the ass: sometimes due to poverty or forgetfullness or drunkenness, I neglect to take my meds. Sometimes I forget for two days. After two days of no Effexor, I experience very uncomfortable withdrawal symptoms. Full body muscle tension - I find I have to constantly remind myself to RELAX and unclench my aching muscles.

A terrifying electric-shock sensation, must have something to do with adrenelin (?) - it feels like that surge of panic I get when I'm trying to fall asleep and it feels like I fall off a cliff - only when awake, and then over, and over, and over, and over, and you can't shake it off. Feeling VERY cracked-out and confused, weepy and nearly hysterical. Unable to speak complex thoughts - like you forget what you mean to say while you're saying it - very confusing and frustrating. Shaky and kinda bug-eyed and staring at nothing. Like I'm totally about to lose my shit.

I hate it. Needless to say, I ALWAYS remember my meds by the third day, and you know what? With sufficient levels of the drug in my system, I feel fine, really functional. And if that's not the goddamned definition of addiction, I'd like to know what is. So now what? Talk to my goddamned doctor? Go cold-turkey and flip out for a few days (weeks?months??). Resign to live as a functional addict FOR AS LONG AS I CAN AFFORD IT?? Goddamn goddamn bastards hooking me on their lousy miracle brain medicine and then making me pay.

Exp Year: 2002ExpID: 17353
Gender: Not Specified 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Sep 8, 2002Views: 60,498
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Endogenous (86), Pharms - Venlafaxine (191) : Not Applicable (38), Addiction & Habituation (10), Health Problems (27), Difficult Experiences (5), First Times (2)

COPYRIGHTS: All reports copyright Erowid.
No AI Training use allowed without written permission.
TERMS OF USE: By accessing this page, you agree not to download, analyze, distill, reuse, digest, or feed into any AI-type system the report data without first contacting Erowid Center and receiving written permission.

Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the authors who submit them. Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.


Experience Vaults Index Full List of Substances Search Submit Report User Settings About Main Psychoactive Vaults