Citation: hummus+carrots=yum. "Open Heart Fun: An Experience with MDMA (exp17200)". Erowid.org. Nov 25, 2020. erowid.org/exp/17200
||(pill / tablet)
This is the first time they've done what they're supposed to do.. Had tried them a few times on a few occasions.. Usually just one, which would have no effect at all, just slightly hot cheeks for a bit and then nought.. Then the first time I did more than one was at a big psy trance do in london with a my flatmates who I didn't really feel totally comfortable with. And had a really edgy nasty time.. Took about three over the night.. No, lovely feelings for anybody, just edgyedgyedgy.. Was completely wired, and didn't like sitting still at all, so I danced too much and I think I drank too much water and when I was hassled by some creepy little man it all got to my nerves and I was horribly sick for a few hours.
This time was what I'd been waiting for.. No huge impersonal venue in the city. Just truly nice, truly small drum and bass thing in town with clean air and canals and nice walks and marvellous atmosphere and two friends who I really like a lot..
Anyway.. Quick background on me.. My purpose in doing any substance is to learn something about myself, find a way to break out of painful learnt-self stuff.. I've always been a very nervous, hyper-self-conscious person with very low self esteem, unable to relax around anyone it seems, and I was very edgy and down before we took the pills.. Perhaps that was a bad idea, but it turned out more than ok, maybe because I'd been reading a really good book which was helping a lot..
If anyone out there liked the carlos castaneda books, you'll likely appreciate 'Mastery of Love' by Don Miguel Ruiz. Perfect book it is yes indeed.
ANYWAY.. So I'm sitting there in this wee little club, too scared to get up and dance.. And I'm thinking pills will never work on me because my pals are coming up happily and I'm just getting the blush and then it's gone.. 'phooey' I think.. And then my friend gives me some good words: the feeling won't be obvious, just relax and it'll tap you on the shoulder. So I calm down and think about other stuff, and there we are.. I really start to get into the music weaving cheerily in my seat, I find I really want to dance, but I'm still so self-conscious.. So I start thinking about the stuff in the book specifically the bit about it all being a dream (winkwink) and I kind of feel free of self-consciousness and off I go.. Join my chum on the teeny dance floor and have a lovely time.. The dancing helps to bring it out I think and I get that tap on the shoulder.. I go and sit down to rest and gently rehydrate and instead of the nasty. Angsty. Uncomfortable. Too-wired-to-sit-still-feeling, I'm completely blissed out. This goes on for a while.. Sadly it's not an all-nighter and the place shuts really early and there doesn't seem to be anywhere to go afterwards so we head back to my friends flat.. We sit up, play with the best doggie in the world and talktalktalk. Here is where we discover the K influence that we think might have been in the pills?.. I'm munching on some frozen grapes (sounds barking mad, but trust me they're very very nice) and I'm a bit surprised when turn round and see them all wriggling to get comfy. Hmmmmmm
Anyway.. I really like ecstasy.. But I can see how people can end up getting hooked to the stuff because of how very nice it makes you feel..
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