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The second trip..should I kill myself?
by Sarah :)
Citation:   Sarah :). "The second trip..should I kill myself?: An Experience with LSD (exp1695)". Erowid.org. Oct 20, 2000. erowid.org/exp/1695


After my first trip, I was hesitant to try acid again. My friend J and I were sitting in my car in a parking lot and we were talking..he had some paper acid on him and he gave me a hit..I let it sit on my tongue for a little while and swallowed it.

My friend 'K' also took a hit, but he was in a different car.

We all went back to J's house and got out of our cars. I immediately felt the drug kick in. The leaves of the trees looked shiny..purple and orange and green all at once.. I felt like I was on a huge slant and like I would topple over at any moment, but I didn't.

'K', J and I eventually went into J's room and relaxed for a bit. We all began bugging out on each other. I stared at J for a while, and his eyes started popping out of his head and he looked bug-eyed like hell.

We started listening to music and laughing at each other. I couldn't stop laughing the whole night. It was hilarious. At about 7 AM we were starting to come down, but they both still looked bug-eyed to me..and very skimpy and dirty. I felt dirty too.

'K' was making me laugh still, and we were still playing music and he kept saying the funniest things.

Eventually our friend 'DM' came over and I felt like it was time to leave..I went home and took a shower.

At this point in time, I was very close to losing my job. I had had a job at this place called the Redwood Grille, where I was a waitress. I hadn't shown up to work for a few days and I was in debt with my parents. They had to pay my car insurance the past month for me because I was jobless, so I was feeling very down on myself for not being able to find a job.

After I took a shower, I watched 'What Dreams May Come', starring Robin Williams and Cuba Gooding, Jr. I don't know if any of you have seen the movie, but it's about dying and heaven and where we all end up .. it's very beautiful. After watching it, I felt like I wanted to die because everyday problems seemed so obsolete and unimportant in this movie..and that is exactly what I wanted to escape.

I called my work to find out that I was fired. I was unbelievably depressed and very down on myself.

I didn't want to burden my parents anymore with my problems and I didn't want them to have to pay MY bills..so therefore, I felt obligated to kill myself.

Eventually I crawled out of my hole and came out of the house and went down to Burger King, where all of my friends used to chill at.

I felt untalkative and out of place, once again. I had planned my death perfectly. I was going to drive up a mountain that was in the next town over and drive off of a cliff. It seemed perfect to me. I even explained it to one of my friends, who got very angry at me and wouldn't even talk to me. I didn't mind too much. After talking it over with another one of my friends, I decided it best not to do it..that things would get better. However, I was very upset.

I went home and sorted things out in my head.. I decided not to kill myself like I had planned, though it seemed very tempting.

Needless to say, this was my last experience with LSD.

Exp Year: 2000ExpID: 1695
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Oct 20, 2000Views: 4,158
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LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), Various (28)

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