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The Merging Of Emotions
Mushrooms & Nitrous Oxide
by Matt Himself
Citation:   Matt Himself. "The Merging Of Emotions: An Experience with Mushrooms & Nitrous Oxide (exp16710)". Erowid.org. Aug 14, 2002. erowid.org/exp/16710

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DOSE:
T+ 0:00
3.5 g oral Mushrooms (plant material)
  T+ 2:00 1 cart. inhaled Nitrous Oxide (gas)

BODY WEIGHT: 165 lb


Setting: my friend’s house.

I met up with my friends “J”, “R”, and my girlfriend “E”. None of them had ever used any psychedelic besides marijuana. They were all excited for the experience, but were all a bit nervous at the same time. I had come to possess ˝ ounce of mushrooms. I was to eat 3.5 grams, as was J. R and E were going to eat 1.75 grams. They were all looking to me as sort of a guide.

They did not want to eat the mushrooms plain. We debated ordering a pizza when I suggested we just eat them and chew some nachos at the same time. They all agreed. I was the first to finish eating them. I chewed them and held them in my mouth for a few moments. I had also fasted for the entire day. I had woken up at 11:30 so it wasn’t too hard.

730PM – We all eat the mushrooms. We then sit and wait…

800PM – I can feel it already. It is probably due to my fasting and holding in mouth, because the others feel nothing. Maybe it’s also due to the fact they don’t know what to look for.

830PM – I have my first visual effect. The carpet seems to be sliding a little bit and taking on an orange tint. I said “The carpet looks like a tiger.” That was it. They all broke out laughing hysterically. I realized they had all joined me in the experience.

900PM – At this point I am fully submerged in the experience. I smoke a cigarette to see how it feels. I had given up smoking before, but I had wanted to try it while tripping. I felt the smoke entering my lungs to be such a wonderful sensation. I close my eyes, and notice the very vivid and distinct patterns forming. The CEVs I was seeing here were much more beautiful than any I had seen in the past.

I went over to E to see how she was doing. She seemed to be having a great time. I put my arm around her and instantly my mood was enhanced. Being next to her was such a beautiful feeling. I truly could feel my love for her flowing through me into her.

930PM – I am not quite peaking yet, but I feel as though I would like to try some nitrous. I prepared a balloon for myself, when E said she would like to try it too. I filled another one for her and we sat down together. Her and I put our hands together and interlocked fingers as we inhaled from the balloons. As the nitrous swiftly took effect over both of our bodies I felt the most intense feeling of closeness to her. I closed my eyes and all I could see was the outline of my body in swirling colors. I tilted my head to look where she was (my eyes still closed mind you) and there she was. She was a swirling wave of color as well. I looked down to where our hands were and just saw a glowing light. I felt compelled to stare at it. At this point I completely lost my body. I merged with her. It was a union of our emotions I didn’t know possible. I felt she was me and I was her. I cannot properly describe in words just how beautiful this experience was. What seemed to last an eternity was only about 1 minute. I was sad that it had to ever end.

940PM – J and R tried a balloon each. I cannot exactly say what they experienced, but I hope it was something as wonderful as what I did.

1000PM – We all get up and go out outside. We walk into J’s backyard where he has a swinging bench. We all sat on it and looked up at the stars. I was smoking probably my 6th cigarette by this point. We sat there just staring, none of us uttering a sound.

1030PM – It seems although that even though time sometimes crawls, that other times it flies. We had been sitting discussing things with one another. It was such a perfect feeling. I felt a closeness to all of them I had never felt before.

1100PM – We go back inside, and J loads up his bong. I take a total of 4 hits from it. The smoke doesn’t even feel like it entered my lungs. As the weed kicked in, all it did was boost the experience. There was no “stoning” effect at all.

1115PM – J has a Ben Harper poster in his basement. I found that Ben Harper seems to be breathing as well as blinking his eyes. I stared at this for a long time. E did as well. J and R were discussing their own things.

1130PM – J and I go outside by ourselves for another cigarette. He started talking to me about his fears of upcoming college and other issues. After talking for some time he made a comment of how he had a new perspective on his life. And how he was very grateful for this experience. I was glad that he had gotten so much out of it.

1145PM – R and E join us. Me and E lay on J’s trampoline and just look up at the night sky. As I look to the west, I notice a shooting star. I could feel right then, that the star was meant for E and myself. It was ours. We smiled and held each other watching the meteor shower which I had forgotten was going to take place.

1200AM – I am smoking another cigarette looking between the posters on the wall, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (which J had just put on), and looking at E. She seemed so beautiful when I saw her. Not just her face, but every little detail about her. I felt so amazingly lucky to have her there with me.

1230AM – Definitely coming down now. The visuals are still plenty, and music still sounds great, but I am starting to yawn a lot.

130AM – J and R go to sleep. They have no trouble falling asleep. E and I laid next to one another and just starting talking about everything. EVERY little thing that had happened between us in our relationship came up. All of our worries for the future were discussed. This went on for quite some time. E thanked me for exposing her to this.

330AM – E falls asleep. I am still awake. I watch a spinning light making patterns on the ceiling. I realize I am still having visuals. Mushrooms always seem to effect me longer than my friends. Around this time though, while watching the visualizations on the ceiling, I fall into a deep sleep while holding E in my arms.

1115AM – I wake up feeling amazing. Everyone else wakes up as well. We all just reminisce about the experience. We all had very positive ones it turns out. I am very happy that everyone was able to connect with one another.
---------------------------------------

E and myself had been having discussion about what was to become of us. I am going to be a senior in high school. She is on her way off to college in less than a month. We had wondered what would happen with our relationship when all this happened.

This experience made us both realize that we can and WILL make things work for us. We are going to work things through despite the difficulties that lie in our way. We talked about this for almost an hour. The joining of our emotions proved that love will surpass all boundaries and all obstacles.

This will definitely be remembered as my most beautiful psychedelic experience I’ve ever had.

Exp Year: 2002ExpID: 16710
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Aug 14, 2002Views: 16,162
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Mushrooms (39), Nitrous Oxide (40) : General (1), Relationships (44), Glowing Experiences (4), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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