Citation: Erica.Smerica. "Truly Near Death: An Experience with DPT, Ketamine, & Nitrous Oxide (exp16262)". Erowid.org. Jul 24, 2002. erowid.org/exp/16262
Oneness, that is, feeling as though I exist as an integral part of the universe, was something I had only read about. I could imagine what it meant, but I didnít fully understand the concept until the day I experienced Ketamine and DPT together. I was with my partner, my love, who happens to be a very knowledgeable and experienced guide, and we were feeling rather disconnected. We had just recently reunited after having taken a year off to do some self-exploration. We made a conscious decision to trip together, in hopes of coming to grips with the direction in which our relationship was to go. I must say, however, I do not believe tripping can make or break a relationship. We had been together for nearly 7 years, from our late teenage years into our early twenties. He and I both needed some time to figure out who we each were, without the other. I suppose I was going through a sort of identity crisis, and before knowing for certain that he was who I would chose to spend the rest of my life with, I needed to grow and explore on my own. After a full year with hardly any contact whatsoever, I was convinced of the good thing that we had, and am fortunate to still have now.
Ketamine was something I had only experienced once before, and I hadn't taken it in combination with DPT; certainly the mix was going to be quite incredible based on what I had heard and read. This was also only my second experience with injecting any drug, IM that is, and I must admit the thought of an injection was frightening for a number of reasons. I questioned everything, and I was very well read prior to attempting such an experience. Still, we were staying at my best friend's house while she was out of town, and I feared that she would come home to M and I lying dead on her floor. However, as I am a very responsible and well-informed psychedelic user, the fear was quickly replaced with excitement and eagerness to engage in such a magical journey.
Night had fallen upon us, so we began to create a nice environment in the comforts of my friend's living room. We chose the music, Anthem of the Sun by the Grateful Dead. M prepared the setting, as he typically does, with incense and a few quiet moments of meditation. I can't begin to describe how important the setting is when one considers tripping. I have seen countless reports from people who describe having a bad or negative experience because the setting was not properly planned out. To me, there is a definite distinction between a trip that is scary but reveals important life-changing knowledge that makes the experience worthwhile, and an experience that is just plain scary with seemingly no positive outcome. I cannot label or consider the former to be bad in any respect. If something can be learned from the experience, if an introspective view of the psyche occurs, and one can integrate the experience into their daily life while not under the influence of a psychedelic, then the experience has been constructive no matter how scary it may have seemed.
Mixed into one needle, was 120mg of Ketamine and 45mg of DPT. Almost immediately after M gave me the injection, I began to feel the effects; I felt relaxed and centered, and the world as it normally exists began to change forms. Within minutes, my ego began to escape this shell of a human body and I felt as though I was traveling at the speed of light into a world of the unknown, where time has no meaning. However, I was still able to bring myself back into my body, and I did on occasion keep my love updated as to the current status of my state of mind. I realized very quickly, though, that I would get a more powerful experience if I would simply let go and allow myself to be submerged in the trip. So that I did.
At this point, approximately 5 to 10 minutes into the trip, M decided to partake in his share. Immediately I felt a connection to his particles; you see at this point I was completely broken down into nothing, and yet I was a part of everything. My existence was infiniteless, and I felt as though I was just many microscopic particles swimming in a sea of hundreds of thousands of other particles that consisted of all things living. I could actually see myself from afar, broken into a billion of these particles, like those in a Seurat painting. I was at one with my surroundings, although I was completely unaware of my actual physical location.
M and I danced together as one being in hyperspace, we didnít touch each other or even look at each other, and yet we both later described the same sensation of dancing together. Actually, it now seems best to describe the movement as revolving around each other, spiraling around each other. With closed eyes, I could feel his every move, dancing with mine in our sea of particles. It was all a bit overwhelming to say the least.
At some point near the end of the peak, nearly an hour later, I decided to have a balloon of nitrous oxide, but M refrained from having one himself. I noticed when I took the balloon in, however, he breathed in a deep breath and seemed to be holding it in right along with me. The nitrous oxide of course, kicked the trip into high gear. We were both elevated to a different level, a higher level, which took me deep into the center of the universe. In this place, I was greeted by what seemed to me to be the keeper of the universe, the keeper of good, who could be described as some ultimate god-like type of being. This being and I meditated together, and we communicated non-verbally. She described the powers of meditation, the various levels that one can attain through letting go of conscious thought (here I actually classify this being as a She because it felt like a She to me. She felt somewhat like the mother of the universe). She was instructing me in my meditation, and assisting me with letting go of each thought one by one. I found this instruction to be most useful, not only during the trip, but have since then used the same technique to attain a similar level.
She then proceeded to inform me that this human life, the life I know as life on Earth, is only one of many existences that I have and will continue to experience. She expressed that through practice, I could let go at any time of my current body, and move on to the next stage of my existence. In some respects, this seemed like a very familiar idea, such as that described by many eastern philosophies and religions. When one lets go of worldly thirsts, one can finally begin the path to understanding existence - or in Buddhist terms, the path to enlightenment. I was learning how to let go, and almost by mistake, I was actually beginning to let go. Indeed, I truly believe that if I had chosen to let go completely, I would have died; my human body would have died.
Although M didnít partake himself, he was definitely feeling the effects of the nitrous oxide, and he was in the exact same place as me. In fact, upon returning to my body, and opening my eyes, I noticed that he wasnít breathing. He wasn't breathing and his skin color was blue, but for some reason I wasnít afraid at all. Weíve been through many experiences together, and near death was yet another. Without fear, I told him to exhale and to begin breathing. I had to actually shake him up just a bit, as he was quite unaware of what was going on. Gasping for air, he seemed a bit startled for a moment and was unsure of his surroundings and of his state. He reported also feeling as though he almost died. We were now coming back into our bodies, but were still able to go right back into the sea, and we did for a few moments off and on.
I feel as though this experience has given me more focus on spirituality, and has taught me so much about myself and about my place in this universe. I've never come so close to moving on, leaving the world that I currently reside in. I realized why it was that I chose not to go, and how much I still have to learn and experience before I feel confident in saying that Iím ready to move on - and Iím thankful that M decided not to go as well. I wish I could better describe what it was that I learned from this experience, but some things just can't be put into words.
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