Citation: apollo. "Dancing with the Devil in the Pale Moonlight: An Experience with 5-MeO-DMT (exp16073)". Erowid.org. Jan 20, 2004. erowid.org/exp/16073
||(powder / crystals)
Here's a retrospective account of the most powerful experience I've had with 5-methoxy-n,n-dimethyltryptamine... It was one of my first experiences with tryptamines, and also a defining few hours of my life. The times are approximate as my memory is far from adequate even when sober... It's taken me a very long time to put piece this night back together, and it's still far from complete. Further experimentation with 5-meo-dmt has helped bring back the memories.
For those who are interested, I was 18 at the time, fairly unstable mentally, tired & frustrated. I don't wonder why the night unfolded as it did.
1.30am - X and I make the irrational and fairly risky decision to rail roughly 25mg of crushed 5-meo-dmt crystal. Staring down the barrel of a pen which looks like an alien attachment to my nose I glare at the off white crystals one last time, noting how innocuous they look...
The pen barrel falls to the floor as I look up at the wall from the desk I just railed off... The pain has already set in, but I haven't reacted. My vision fogs as tears stream down my face like a waterfall. In a pathetic attempt to distract myself from the void rapidly being burnt into my nose, I tense every muscle in my body without any significant movement. X tells me I look constipated and I give up on my passive approach to dealing with the pain and implement plan B - I throw myself onto the bed and writhe about madly like a dying animal. A river runs to the bottom of my nose, suspecting blood I wipe a little off with my finger... It's mucus, so I sniff hard like any junkie would, hoping I might get a little more of that fucked up goodness. After 30 seconds of looking like a lunatic on the bed I wipe my face with tissues and decide there's no point in struggling. Lying back on the bed and staring at the roof, I check with my mate, X who is on the same roller coaster as I...
1.35am - While I was reassuring X that we were safe and nothing could happen to us, I felt my heart beating faster and harder... Stopping mid-sentence, I fell onto my back, breathing deeply and inconsistently. In an instant, I became a stranger in a strange land...
I felt like I was expanding, like some kind of spiritual presence was being sucked out of my surroundings and into my body. I felt in touch with everything around me, but it was nothing short of absolutely fucking frightening. I imagined the souls of the dead filling my body, ghostly presences seemed to fill the room, and my mind... Subtly, patterns emerged on the fan I was staring at. The textures on the concrete walls took shape, namely lizards and other reptiles... They took shape completely out of the blue and so very smoothly I had to concentrate to notice them... While appearing in such an awesome manner, the force of the drug, the pain thoughout my body and what I associate with their shape (which was generally long, thin & predatory) lead me believe they are here to do something worse to me than I had ever imagined possible. What that was, I can only allude to... All I can remember is that death was a far favourable option.
My body took a turn toward the awkward side of things... It was as if my mass was growing denser by the second, but the strength of my muscles was only one or two seconds behind it... Thus allowing me to maintain relatively normal control of my body, but with the most intense discomfort I've ever experienced at the same time.
I look at my watch. Time does not exist - watching the seconds tick by on my watch was incomprehensible, and completely and utterly meaningless. I start to think I've finally gone insane... Thinking back to this point, I had forgotten all reference points with reality... Everything I could see, and everything I could think of meant absolutely nothing to me.
1.50am - I stand up. I remember it as if I stood up, and in my vision the world stayed as it was when I was lying down. Then it moved up to correct itself in my eyes... Leaving huge, glowing tracers everywhere. I felt like I was going to vomit, so into the fucking bathroom I went. As I walked, I felt detached... As if I was controlling my body from the 3rd person. I didn't vomit, but I made the mistake of looking in the mirror. My eyes were frightening, like smooth black stones with a disturbing, alien origin. Inside them I could see the same reptiles moving about slowly, trying to tell me the same thing. My hair looked like a violent ocean, my skin looked smooth and almost metallic... I managed to look away.
2.00am - I am scared. I realise it's completely possible for me to shit my dacks, but manage to control myself. I returned to the room, insisting to the now calm X that we go down to the park. As we made our way out the door I begun to feel increasingly dissociated and overwhelmed. As I walked down the stairs, I totally lost control of my body for a moment, and saw things from an external point of view. The next few minutes were an out of body experience which I will never forget... I remember imagining myself as some kind of short, four legged creature resembling a mutated wolf from the x-files, tearing at the doorhandle, and scampering into the corner near the garage door. The next thing I remember is looking down at my phone in my hand. I knew where I was, I knew what was going on, but I did not know anything more. X begun to worry, and to this day I thank him for the care he took of me over the next hour...
I made my way over to the park and sat down, trying to comprehend the new ways in which I was feeling fear... It's as if fear had become more than a feeling, but a complete, livable state of mind, body and the now so important soul...
I felt like I was going to vomit... Oh boy did I vomit. No drug other than alcohol has ever brought my guts up, but 5-meo-dmt did the trick. I vomited till there was nothing left in my stomach to vomit, then I vomited some more. I vomited till I thought I could see blood coming out of my mouth. It wasn't, but it took a close inspection of what I'd hurled up for X to determine I hadn't. Vomiting as violently as I did while as altered as I was is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy... I sat with my legs apart, and my upper body slumped between my legs. I sat limply, rarely having to realign myself after heaving. During this time the main thought on my mind was how I was going to be found the next day. Lying in a pool of my own vomit with a bleeding nose & signs of a struggle with an invisible attacker...
Once the retching had ended, I rested my head on the wall behind me and closed my eyes. At this point I relaxed significantly, and even began to enjoy the effects (to some extent). I noticed that the effects were tailing off... Till I closed my eyes. When they were closed, the only way I could measure time at all was through my breathing, and when I concentrated on my breathing, I noticed how slowly I seemed to be breathing. Each breath took an eternity to complete. More significantly, when I closed my eyes, the universe was pulled in front of me, instead of my eye lids. I saw geometric patterns which were simply astronomical in size and colour. Colours I never thought possible, patterns & shapes I never thought possible... All sweeping around in front of me, as I stood on a lonesome platform in the middle of the galaxy... I opened my eyes, and I was in the park. I closed my eyes, and my body felt as if it was alone in space, watching these impossible colours, shapes & movement patterns do their thing in front of me...
At this stage (about 3am) Y arrived. We'd requested her presence when we realised we'd overdone it. I was ok by this point, but so astonished I found it hard to function coherently... I was busy futilely trying to comprehend what I had just done to myself.
I fell asleep at roughly 3.20.
This experience was beyond anything I had previously imagined possible. In trying to explain the feelings, sensations & hallucinations I had that night, I have done an injustice to the profoundity, spirituality & strength of the trip. Do not expect anything like what I have detailed above. It's just so much more...
That was the night I learnt my lesson, and I'm glad it happened, otherwise I might have thought, or told someone else that 5-meo-dmt is a safe chemical to be experimenting with.
I've used this chemical more times than I can count since that night, each time the experience increases in brevity, spirituality and gratification.
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