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Kicked Out Of Eden!! Bleh...
MDMA
by bodhibabe
Citation:   bodhibabe. "Kicked Out Of Eden!! Bleh...: An Experience with MDMA (exp15985)". Erowid.org. Jul 14, 2002. erowid.org/exp/15985

 
DOSE:
  oral MDMA

BODY WEIGHT: 145 lb


I feel kind of odd writing this downer report, as, like many drug users, I wouldn't ever discourage people from trying psychoactives. My own experiences, with E in particular, have been transcendant and not to be missed. Not only is E incredibly blissful and fun, but it is a useful tool psychiatrically. (e.g Not over the ex-boyfriend, despite the fact that it was 3 years ago, and you 'should' have forgotten him and moved on? E will help you mourn and get on with your life... bad experience with the parents? E will help you empathize and forgive...) this is an awesome substance, not only recreationally (tho I won't go on about it, we all know it 'aight?) but therapeutically... and mystically also.

...but...the other shoe dropping...

Point Number One... E experiences can be finite!! It doesn't last forever. I didn't know this when I started with E. I viewed E as a 'trap door'; if real life ever got too awful or if i needed a break or some kinda clarity on an issue like a recent breakup, E was always there... bliss, bliss... E is NOT always there. Ranging from 20 to 150 X, (upper end for me), the magic stops. The amphetamine-like effects will be there (so what, drink 10 cups of coffee) and the come-down is there, and the teeth-knashing, but the 'ecstatic' part will dwindle... in time, in intensity...

I wish to god E was like heroin, in that you could still get the same effects, but with a higher dosage and cost, but it doesn't work that way. At some point, you will be KICKED OUT OF EDEN. This sucks. Be aware, and in particular, *space out your usage*!! Don't use it biweekly, to avoid comedowns, etc... respect it, (Prozac, Vit C & E & Selenium etc..) because it won't last forever.

Point 2: E has such a transcendant effect, that everyday life can become difficult... pre E, (or perhaps any drug), you are used to an emotional 'scale' of say 1-3 for 'real life'... post E, lets say E is a 7... you have a 1-7 scale... 3 used to be awesome, a great day... now it doesn't even register on your new 1-7 scale... you may find that real life is a major drag. Drugs have become so good, that they are bad! relative to the normal scale of get promoted, fall in love, have a child, etc... I mourn the loss of 'seven'; frankly 'three' sucks these days...

Despite this, I would recommend E or any psychoactives to anyone... I just wish someone had mentioned to me 1) what a pain in the ass real life is compared to mushrooms/E/t-7 etc., and 2) that E doesn't last forever... a few good years, and then it's sitting at a pub trying to kid yourself into believing your friends and a few ciders are remotely a substitute for the mystical union/bliss/oneness/love that you used to know... bleh...

Try to keep the magic, kids; I haven't, and I miss it more than I can say.

...personally, I've taken up yoga/meditation/other drugs as the only way to keep the 'E' ness that I miss *so* profoundly, and I guess that is good... but for all the newbies, *PLEASE* do yourself a favor and keep the goodness as long as possible by spacing out your usage and mitigating neuro effects with anti-free radicals, etc...

...tolerance and habituation WILL happen, depend on it. Not just a rumour, but a FACT of life. (damn...)

Exp Year: 2001ExpID: 15985
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Jul 14, 2002Views: 15,372
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MDMA (3) : Glowing Experiences (4), Mystical Experiences (9), Loss of Magic (34), Retrospective / Summary (11), Unknown Context (20)

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