Take a Survey on the use of Breathwork
for Anxiety, Depression, Trauma, or PTSD
Researchers at Johns Hopkins seek responses to an anonymous survey on breathwork. You can participate whether your breathwork experiences helped or not.
(Must be 18+) Take the Survey!
Methylphenidate Blues
Methylphenidate
by Soma
Citation:   Soma. "Methylphenidate Blues: An Experience with Methylphenidate (exp15265)". Erowid.org. May 16, 2005. erowid.org/exp/15265

 
DOSE:
  repeated insufflated Pharms - Methylphenidate (pill / tablet)

BODY WEIGHT: 145 lb


Methylphenidate has been bittersweet for me. I'd like to mention at this point that everybody reacts differently to every substance and my experiences are solely subjective, opinianated and are in no way promoting the use of this substance. In fact this is more cautionary in nature.

I am sixteen years old.
My first experience with methylphenidate was on a friday night when my friend gave me 6 alza pills with a time release capsule around them. He told me that if I chewed them they'd get me high.

At this time in my life I'd had a sizeable amount of drug experiences, probably used cannabis over 1000 times, mushrooms 20, acid, cocaine, ecstasy 3-5times, LSA, DXM and a variation of other experiences which I cant remember. Also at this time in my life I'd quit smoking for about a month and was having serious withdrawel issues.

About an hour later the methylphenidate kicked in, I'd been having a severe nicotine craving and then I got very jittery and hyper very suddenly... it was quite unpleasant but faded very quickly and I began suddenly feeling extremely happy, quite like a mixture of cocaine and half a pill of ecstasy. I was energetic, motivated, content in my surroundings, all of my social paranoias floated away and I was just enjoying everything. I had some body sensations all pleasant. Around an hour after those feelings I remained happy but became thirstier than I ever had been in my life, and no matter how much I water I drunk I kept getting thirstier. That lasted about another hour and then I came down. The down was unpleasant, I had to urinate constantly, became very tired, and unsociable and had no interest in anything at all.

I looked at the experience in retrospect as a good time so I found myself using methylphenidate all the time. Mostly at school, I started using it 3 times a week and the effects intensified, both positively and negatively. When I was high on this drug I was ecstatic, I was in love with life, I was wonderful at school, conversation, I was funny, happy, creative, smart and everything that I was capable of normally but usually just a little too tired to be. I also didn't think about smoking at all when using them.

However, the lows got continually worse, I'd drink water constantly but never feeling refreshed. In the course of a few hours I could consume 5-8 litres of water, and yet still feel thirsty. I'd lose my appetite and feel nauseus and irritable. This wasn't all that bad, for a few weeks the highs were better than the lows and I continued using this drug not really bothered by the lows. After a few weeks I noticed the lows were getting unbearable, apart from nausea I felt pyschological negative effects that I've never felt as badly ever in my life. I came to know this feeling as the methylphenidate blues. The blues vary in intensity based on dose, sleep, and mood but they're always awful. I feel a depression so powerful I can never imagine feeling normal or happy again, I have no interest in anything at all, life seems so empty and meaningless. Every paranoia, every bad memory manifests itself into my mind and makes me feel so impure and awful. I was so lonely even when surrounded by friends, I felt like topping myself but was too lazy to. These feelings eventually would fade away, but would return everytime I used methylphenidate.

It was when the highs stopped being fun that I knew methylphenidate was becoming a problem in my life. During the highs I felt like my head was going to pop constantly, my muscles were constantly tense and the thirst was unbearable. I wondered why I still used them because I no longer was happy on them... just smart and fast and focused. I could still do my homework faster and better but I'd lost the social capability and love for life it once gave me. The lows were continually getting worse. To combat the lows I started using codeine as it would stupify me into a nauseaus bliss. So for a few weeks I would do methylphenidate all day and codeine at night.

I am lucky because I'm a pretty strong person. One day I never asked my friend for more methylphenidate and I stopped buying codeine. I didn't really quit... I just stopped doing it. It's been about a month now and I have exams that are very important and I've got a few of the pills just sitting there in my drawer left over from my days of their abuse... and they'd really help me get some work done... I don't know if I'll do them or not. I hope not but all it takes is a moment of weakness.

Thats my experience. Though I'm pretty undamaged and contentwith life I can't say that any use of methylphenidate was worth it for me.

Exp Year: 2002ExpID: 15265
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: May 16, 2005Views: 49,406
[ View as PDF (for printing) ] [ View as LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Switch Colors ]
Pharms - Methylphenidate (114) : Addiction & Habituation (10), Depression (15), Hangover / Days After (46), Retrospective / Summary (11), Various (28)

COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.


Experience Vaults Index Full List of Substances Search Submit Report User Settings About Main Psychoactive Vaults