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I'm Still Paying for It
Cocaine
by Dusty
Citation:   Dusty. "I'm Still Paying for It: An Experience with Cocaine (exp14962)". Erowid.org. Jul 6, 2018. erowid.org/exp/14962

 
DOSE:
  repeated   Cocaine (powder / crystals)
    oral Alcohol (liquid)

BODY WEIGHT: 12 st


In August 2001 I took cocaine for the first time and it was unlike any high I had ever had (previously I had only smoked marijuana and hadn't liked it) As soon as I came down from that first high I knew I would use it again in the future. A couple of months later I bought 2 grams from a different source which was much stronger - the effects were initially quite unpleasant, with my heart racing so much at one time I had to cling onto the doorframe for support, yet I felt I needed to move around, I couldn't sit still and try to calm myself down. Yet still, an hour later I wanted to do another line.

In March of this year I bought a further 3 grams of the same stuff and used it continually over 3 days, culminating in finishing my supply at a party where I had also drunk a substantial amount of beer. A few minutes after snorting the last line I knew something was wrong - my whole body started to shake uncontrollably, my muscles were jerking, my knees were knocking together and my teeth started chattering. I locked myself in the bathroom at the party and looked in the mirror to see my jaw and lips trembling uncontrollably and the muscles on the left side of my face twitching madly. Eventually I got control of myself and left the party feeling panicked and anxious as to what was happening to me.

3 months on and my facial muscles still twitch in a kind of nervous spasm when I smile or laugh, I've become very concsious of it. Occasionally my lips still tremble and my fingers shake. I also have a continuous visible 'pulse' constantly moving in the side of my neck, as if a nerve or something is trapped there. From information I have looked up on the net I think these side-effects are permanent and I'm due to have a brain scan later this year. Despite inflicting these unpleasant effects upon myself I still continue to use cocaine at least once every few weeks, and when I don't use I think about using constantly.

Yet however much I use now I have been unable to ever replicate that first fantastic high I got after that first line.

Exp Year: 2002ExpID: 14962
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Jul 6, 2018Views: 782
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Cocaine (13) : Not Applicable (38), Post Trip Problems (8), Addiction & Habituation (10), Health Problems (27), Difficult Experiences (5), Retrospective / Summary (11)

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Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
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