Citation: Rob Bader. "Amphetamine Psychosis Is Evil: An Experience with Amphetamines (exp14880)". Erowid.org. Nov 28, 2007. erowid.org/exp/14880
This report isn't on the effects of amphetamine while you are on it... Rather, it is to share what this horrible substance has done to me. You may have seen 'Trip of a Lifetime
' which I wrote about an experience I had with DOM and Amphetamine. It was years ago, yet I am still doing this terrible substance. Amphetamine psychosis is not something worth risking... I can't even go five minutes without a thought about someone using me or trying to dick me over. I can't hold a normal conversation with people because I am flooded with thoughts that no one else understands. Amphetamine makes me keep to myself, and when I do this, I start thinking in a way only I can understand... When I try to get back into reality and try to quit, that is when I realize how out of it I really am.
You know that false sense of self that it gives... over time, I became that person... and when I try to quit, I can't even begin to live life because I can't even be myself... I have forgotten who I am.
Every day I experience suicidal thoughts and I over-analyze everything. Amphetamine makes me think way too much, and slowly and subtly, I become a different person. I have become a slave for this substance, and have paid OUTRAGEOUS prices just to get me through the day, knowing that tomorrow is going to be even worse ($10 for 30 mg). I've been isolated from the drug twice since I started using it, and I quit while isolated from it... but the day I came back, I was using again, in both instances... The longest I have EVER willingly gone without it was 5 days, and I felt like hell... I wasn't myself at all. On the sixth day, I began the biggest binge of my life.
It ruins everything. It makes me so paranoid that my friends have begun to abandon me for accusing them of situations I make up (or is that statement itself a result of amphetamine psychosis). The only way I can explain it in a way that someone who has never experienced it is like this:
Imagine a bad LSD trip. You know how you can get completely paranoid, and no matter what anyone says, even as logical as is sounds, you can't escape the feeling that you are fucked... This is Amphetamine Psychosis, but one that you experience every day. A permanent bad trip.
To me, amphetamine is evil, and there's no other way to put it. When I am on it, I feel like god, and when I am coming down, I can think of nothing but getting more (mostly to ease the comedown). Usually if I do amphetamine, I keep using it until I run out, and then when I do, I do whatever I can to get more... I've depleted my bank account, sold prized possessions, and lost my sense of self... and still, the only thing I want is one more dose.
I thought I had developed schizophrenia, but knowing that I am not schizophrenic isn't much comfort knowing that I can't keep myself from the drug that causes it.
I saw a site once when I first started using and I thought it was pretty funny. It turns out that now it's my reality. I guess they were right.
'Life or Meth'
I chose Meth and now all's I have is Meth.
I advise you to choose wisely......
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