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The Never Ending Thought
by Egor
Citation:   Egor. "The Never Ending Thought: An Experience with Methamphetamine (exp14040)". Aug 9, 2005.

1.5 g smoked Methamphetamine (powder / crystals)
I had many times done meth, but this was the first time I realized how bad and evil the drug really was. This drug can make you leave everything and fuck over people you are friends with. Something that no one knows about this drug or if they have never experienced an addiction is it isnít something you can just do and not think about until you are completely satisfied with how high you are. Almost immediately after I just get done doing some I am already craving for more. Once I get to the point I feel good after a while I start to come down and I want it even more.

It was around 3:15 on a Friday and I talked to a kid in school who told me he was looking to buy some tweak (meth) from me. I didnít sell but I had a good connection with a few people and I had no money so I knew if I got this for him I could do some of it before I gave it to him. I could get it anytime I needed and this seemed perfect. He gave us the money and we went to a house and got the crystal. Me and my friend had already decided earlier we would do some after we got this because at this point we pretty much had done it enough that meth had us by the balls.

I was in a horrible mood the entire day and I was hoping like usual this would make it go away. My friend I was originally with left to go home for a little bit and I went to go hang out with my other friend. I told him the situation we were in and we couldnít even wait for the original friend to come back over so we did about 1/8 of the gram and a half on a foil and I was feeling much better almost in a completely normal mood but starting to feel the effects. This was at around 5:30. Finally my friend gets back and we ditch the house we were are at and the people there to go do what we promised to be just one foil.

At 6:00 we make the first foil of the what is soon to be a very long night. We decided we would just do one but after we did it we thought hey one more one hurt. At this point I had a very nice feeling and sensation. We were concerned with the person I was suppose to give the sack to that he would realize it was skimpy but he had never done it before so we assumed everything would be alright. It was about 7:00 and by this time we had done many foils and came up with a plan we would crush up a caffeine pill and put it in his sack and tell him to snort the 'tweak'. After more foils and about an hour later we decided to give him $5, four cigarettes, Syringes, a couple of fat bowls of weed and about a gram and a half of pure caffeine pills. We kept telling our selves we wouldnít do anymore but we couldnít control our own minds. As the effects increased our thoughts of regret diminished and we thought we were actually doing him a favor by giving him all this. In the end we did all of his tweak and all then went into a interesting adventure.

Out of all the times I have ever done meth I was by far more high then I had ever had been before, It sends a feeling in my body that makes me carefree, I have no anxiety and I can sit and do the same thing for hours straight never getting bored. I was so calm and at peace with my self. All my feelings and thoughts made sense I was at the point I could discuss anything for hours on end or sit by my self and just worry about my own thoughts.

The next day my friend vowed to never do it again. He was sick the rest of the day and that night I was already trying to gather money and get with some other friends to go down and buy more. I had a job interview that morning and I did horribly, my tongue hurt and my jaws were swollen from moving my mouth so much that I could barely talk and I mumbled the entire time. I have this really bad eye twitch that happens and when I am high it multiplies and I concentrate on blinking and moving my hands and lips. I kept chain smoking and chewing gum because I had to move.

Never do this drug, everything about it I love. If I donít like something about it over time it suddenly doesnít seem so bad. The taste is amazing, the way it makes me feel even folding the foil for it I enjoy. After my first couple of times doing it I would really need the feeling. I wanted the feeling, wanted to burn it on the foil and inhale the smoke. I would randomly get the tweak taste in my mouth just from sitting in class. Now sometimes I just canít get it off my mind it just lingers there waiting for that feeling. If I even see foil or anything that resembles foil the first thought in my head is tweak. I have often wondered how long the thinking about it would last if over time it wouldnít be in my mind anymore.

Here I am preaching about never to do it and searching my pockets for my dealers number all at the same time. Pick any drug besides heroin, tweak, or coke I donít care what it is just not one of these. I donít like addiction and I am not even that far in it. The first time I smoked I got advice I will never forget: ĎDonít let it control you, tweakers are some of the dumbest people I know, just do it but donít look at it like you need it just look at it like its something to do.í

TweakÖthe never ending thought.

Exp Year: 2002ExpID: 14040
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Aug 9, 2005Views: 13,734
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Methamphetamine (37) : Addiction & Habituation (10), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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