Citation: Hokulea. "The Gods Make Love: An Experience with Mushrooms - Panaeolus cyanescens & MDMA (exp13589)". Erowid.org. Apr 9, 2002. erowid.org/exp/13589
I’ve just spent a few hours browsing through the Erowid site and as always with things psychedelic I’m amazed at the variety of experiences. Over the years I’ve read and heard of many that would fall under Alexander Shulgin’s definition of the ++++ transcendent experience. Usually the account is very personal and individual, even when involving a group of like minded people. I would like to offer a report that involves two as one, dissolved together in a singular experience of life changing impact and power.
A private home in Arizona, just the two of us.
Winter 1991, six months after I met the love of my life (no kidding). We had been lovers for about three months at the time and had shared some MDMA once, a sweet and confirming afternoon. I had a strong sense that a combination with mushrooms (my all time fave) would be interesting so we set apart a day while we had the use of a relative’s lovely home in Arizona.
I had a stash of dried mushrooms (Copelandia Cyanescens, psilocybin/psilocin) gathered by yours truly from a pasture in Hawaii. The pure crystalline MDMA was obtained through a trusted friend from the experienced chemist who synthesized it. The cannabis was top quality Hawaiian buds.
We had a light breakfast of fruit about three hours before starting. We prepared the scene with candles and made a large cushion of bedspreads with sheets by the fireplace, unplugged the phone, chose some music and fired up the hot tub outside. We set out lots of water to drink and prepared some fine ganga for later.
75 mg. of MDMA each, dissolved in a few ounces of water, J made a face at the taste. Next time in caps. This somewhat modest dose was chosen to minimize its tendency to suppress erection and orgasm; very successfully, as it turned out. We like to take the time waiting for the onset quietly and mostly apart. I lit the fire and made sure all was ready.
2 grams dried mushrooms each, a fairly strong dose of Copelandia Cyanescens, ground up and rolled into balls with honey and swallowed whole with some water.
In my personal experience MDMA produced only the subtlest “alerts” in the first hour after ingestion; then at exactly one hour it seemed as if I just blinked and was fully immersed for the next few hours. I hoped that sweet centered state would offset the sometimes queasy, shifty feeling of the mushrooms taking effect, so we timed it to have the MDMA come on first. It worked like a charm, the mushrooms became evident as a kind of smoothly expanding quality of mind and spirit. We spent this early time in the hot tub reveling in the beauty of our surroundings and marveling at our good fortune to share this day and place. We were already very much in love.
Out of the tub and back indoors. J is so beautiful as she moves it literally takes my breath away. The house is cozy and warm, the fireplace ripples with living flame as we settle in before it. I pass her the pipe and we both take a good toke. The taste of the smoke is rich and sweet, incredibly aromatic. These are great buds but they never tasted this fabulous and as we exhale a wave of sensual delight washes over us. Our allies have a marvelous synergy and we are at a full +++ in moments, still building in power and depth.
We sit by the fireplace and look at each other in wonder and awe. Her skin is softly luminous in the golden light, her body at ease, the embodiment of grace and sexuality. She seems somehow translucent, shinning from within not with colors or patterns of light but rather an ageless, aching tenderness, love and longing made visible in her individual form.
This is not like the open or closed eye visuals so familiar with mushrooms or LSD, I see nothing that isn’t “there” but the eyes of my heart are dazzled. It occurs to me at some point that I must look like this to her as well and that we are giving ourselves together into a realm beyond our normal sense of personality and identity, into the deepest fires of life; from which we were born and to which we are inescapably drawn.
In our first experience with MDMA we talked quietly most of the time as we saw laid out for us the various interweaving threads of our lives that brought us to that day together, this time all is seen without words as we sit together so unreservedly naked and free. A kiss draws our lips together and we shiver with delight, a slow compelling rhythm begins the timeless dance as we give ourselves over to the heartrending sweetness of tender touch. No hurry, no fear, no grasping or holding back, each caress tracing out some ancient wordless script on skin, the alphabet of ecstasy.
In entering this flow we fall into perfection. Every moment, every turning together is complete, utterly compelling and satisfying now. The longing and having, reaching and attaining have collapsed into each other; each eternal second is unutterably delicious and fulfilling, there are whole love affairs, and countless orgasms that can’t compare with this single touch, this kiss, this joining. The unity of desire and affection, of wanting and wanting for the beloved is complete. As we make love we dissolve totally into each other and become all lovers, archetypal lovers, the whole of aching humanity and life itself.
With a few brief pauses for water and a draw on the pipe this sacred communion continues through every exquisite permutation in unspeakable bliss for several more eternities, eventually reaching a climax so powerful and soul-rending that we can barely believe we’re still alive.
We finally come up for air and begin to remember who we supposedly are. Slowly our individual “selves” begin to function again and we marvel at it all, in no hurry to disentangle. Did we really make love for over four hours straight (and I don’t mean just hanging out and touching)? Can human beings even know such total fulfillment? How does one know how to make love so perfectly from the beginning? There is a song of all lovers, particular in the one, we listen for it in those we love; it teaches us everything, for it is our song as well.
This profound joining has never really left us, we are still together ten years later, passionately in love (married even). I still cannot look at her without seeing her as beautiful and desirable, and we’re not kids anymore, either. And we still make love like the gods, after all they need us. Only in our mortal flesh is born the unbearable tenderness that is our ultimate nature and beauty, and without which no love and passion could exist. I am therefore deeply grateful for life and death and especially the privilege of sharing it all with the one I love.
Aloha Nui Loa,
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