Citation: PJ. "I Lost the Concept of Love: An Experience with Ketamine (exp13455)". Erowid.org. Aug 23, 2005. erowid.org/exp/13455
||(powder / crystals)
The night before I had taken LSD for the first time. This is another story, but I had experienced a trip for the first time, and realised that visual effects were not all that I could expect from a psychedelic substance.
Because I had taken LSD, I assumed that I could handle any drug, especially Ketamine, which in the UK (I don't know about the States) is legal to possess. I didn't prepare for this trip at all - I just assumed that Ketamine would be a similar, but milder version of LSD.
I was wrong.
I snorted two lines which added up to about 1/10 of a gram. Far too much for a first experience, or so I am told. I will now try to explain the trip simply by remembering what I was thinking at the time:
'No time. I have always been like this, and will always be like this. I have no concept of love, which, considering my girlfriend of a year was in the room is a bad thing. I am not in my body. I have no concept of friendship. I am struggling to remain conscious, because I am convinced that if I fall unconcsious, I will never wake up. I tell my girlfriend that something is wrong, and she puts me into bed. Every single noise (in fact every action) echoes. I am stuck in an introspective nightmare. My existence negates itself - I think, therefore I am not. Everything is wrong, because there is no right. I have gone too far, this time. I have taken too many drugs. My parents are going to find me, a gibbering wreck in a mental hospital. I manage to wake myself up enough to tell my girlfriend that I am having a bad trip. 'I know', she says. I am beginning to come round. I realise that I taken a drug. Things start to get back to normal. I simply feel now that I been tranquilised.'
I hope this is of some use. I will try Ketamine again, but with someone who knows what they're doing, and how much to take.
Good luck, and keep searching - somebody must have the answer.
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