Citation: baobab. "Communion/Synchronicity?: An Experience with MDMA (Ecstasy) (exp13454)". Erowid.org. Jul 15, 2005. erowid.org/exp/13454
I am an occasional MDMA user. I would like to tell you about one incredible experience I had whilst on the drug.
At work I had spent a while browsing websites describing the near-death experiences of various people who had very nearly died in various situations (in my lunchbreak, naturally!) you know; folks leaving their bodies and going down a tunnel of light and meeting God etc... This was not something I had ever researched before.
At 11pm that same day, I was travelling home from a friend's house on the train, with a Mitsubishi pill in my pocket. I was planning to use it some time soon in the near future on some wild night of clubbing. But that tiny little lozenge was fiercely burning a hole in my pocket. 'Some time soon in the near future'? - too far off. Hey, it was Friday night; I didn't have to go to work the next day - what the hell!
So I took it.
Whilst on the train, I surreptitiously read the book of a woman sitting next to me. It was a book about 'near death experiences'. This struck me as a mild coincedence at the time, considering the websites I had happened to visit earlier that day. Did it mean anything? Naaahh...
Anyway - soon I reached my stop and arrived at my front door at roughly T+10 minutes, and found that my wife wasn't in - and I hadn't got my copy of the housekey with me! After ringing her on my mobile, it turned out she was visiting one of our joint friends - their house being an hour walk away! However, having just downed a pill, I relished the opportunity to walk there - with the warm bomb slowly exploding in my guts.
As I began to walk, my stride quickened, and midway through my journey I was feeling that familiar effortless, floaty feeling. This intensified as I neared my friend's home, and as I walked up the final road leading to their flat, I was beaming warm celebrations at the beautiful leafy trees I passed. I felt them beam love back to me. I was overwhelmed with the feeling that all living things are in this together, and I loved the trees for their company on my journey.
On reaching the flat, it turned out that both my wife and the wife of my friend (for they were also a married couple!) had gone to bed. They had had a few drinks together, and although the females were asleep, the 'other husband' was still wide awake. Let's call him Chris. Me and Chris ended up having an in depth chat on a public bench outside his flat. I knew Chris quite well, although we hadn't really been good friends - close friends - for a year or two. We had lost touch a little.
As I chain-smoked (as a smoker on Ecstacy I do!), he told me about his recent time at university. He had vaguely told me about this before. About how he had taken too many drugs and had ended up hearing voices. When he had told me about this before he said it with a grin: 'I heard voices and everything! Crraaazzzyyy!' But now he was telling me EXACTLY what had happened - how the voices had become constant for him. How these voices had said horrible things to him. How he had grown to be paranoid all the time. How his life had become a living hell. How he had taken a belt, and attached one end to his windowsill. How he had looped the other end around his neck and jumped out of a 3rd storey window.
With the Ecstacy-enhanced empathy I now had, my heart was utterly breaking with compassion for this guy. It was physically painful. I had never felt such powerful, tangible compassion for another person. The love I felt for this man was unbearable. But as he told me of his suicide attempt, I felt another thought bubbling up underneath. I had browsed these websites describing near-death experiences, and then that stranger's book on the train home. I had this feeling he was going to tell me that he had had his own near-death experience. But surely not! That would be far too much of a coincidence! Impossible! And yet I felt it coming - with a sense of wonder. Chris told me how he had looked down on his body from the roof of the ambulance which picked him up. How he could see the paramedics working on him. And of this strange feeling of utter, utter peace and contentment he felt. Of complete rest and freedom from his pain.
Chris told me how happy he now was. He couldn't believe he had met his wife since this low point. He couldn't believe how how happy she had made him, after the hell he had lived through, and after he had wanted death.
At some point during our conversation I sensed something on my right side. A presence. There are no good words to describe this, but it felt like evil, bad intention, malevolence, hatred. More than anything else it felt like a bad smell I couldn't sense with my nostrils. I could see nothing, but it was completely real. I felt it there - glowering. I felt powerful and full of love from the Ecstacy, and my Christian background told me what to say: 'In the name of Jesus Christ - get lost!' My words felt strong - like a cracking whip - and I felt this evil presence flee from me.
Then I silently asked God to send an angel to watch over us. And quickly I became aware of another presence drawing near. It was utterly real - although, again, I could see nothing. The presnce felt like protection, love, a confirmation, a smile, like a brother looking out for us. As Chris continued talking to me, I often smiled at this presence over Chris's shoulder (I could sense exactly where it was standing.)
This was the most intense, incredible spiritual experience of my life. And it was completely real.
I'd be very interested to hear if anyone else has experienced 'presences' whilst on Ecstacy. I have had one other experience where I felt a presence in a room with me. I do not remember if I sensed the nature of this presence (good or bad?), but I do remember being aware of the precise spot where this presence was standing. On this occasion also, I had taken MDMA. I wonder if the empathic qualities of E make me better able to sense this kind of stuff?
COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.