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SO.PAC in a Cup
by Nearchus
Citation:   Nearchus. "SO.PAC in a Cup: An Experience with Kava (exp12914)". Feb 9, 2005.

1 oz oral Kava (tea)


I have been kavahead, pepperhead, kavaholic, whathaveyou for over 2 years now. I was first introduced to kava kava in a friends dorm room my freshman year in college. Been hooked ever since. At least once a month I drink the goo and sail off to Kiribati or Vanuatu without giving a damn anymore. I'm a philosophy major and a fiction writer hobbyist, my writing is vastly improved by the inclusion of kava kava. I guess my continued use makes me something of an novice expert, so let me see what I can add to the discussion here.

First, let me dispell the rumours. No, I have never hallucinated on kava. I've had some tinnitus (ringing in the ear) and have mistaken sounds and voices, but nothing more. No, kava will not give me an orgasm just sitting there, it will, however, amplify the effects of a real orgasm (at least in me). It does not turn me gay, either. Its effect is somewhat like an aphrodisiac, but don't count on putting someone in the mood with it, they're just as likely to go to sleep. I do not feel any effects by taking drugstore capsules. Trust me, I've downed entire bottles of [ ] brand gelcaps and nothing's happened. I did, however, get high after blenderizing [ ] brand gelcaps in water, but the taste made it not worth it at all.*

And now the health warning: There might be a chance that maybe Kava could possibly cause liver damage. I myself have never even felt a problem.

With that in mind, let's make some Kava. I buy 1-3 ozs of fresh dried root from any health food store or apothecary. It's also available online. Now get a clothespin, pair of pantyhose, a covered micro-wave safe container, a pitcher, some filtered water and a 10oz cup. Start early in the day. Taking Vitamin C supplements will amplify the effects. As will human saliva for some ungodly reason, so keep yourself well hydrated in preperation. This is also important because Kava is a diuretic like alcohol and can make you dehydrated. If the root is not already pulverized, you can grind it in a coffee grinder for about 5-10 minutes to get it down to managable size. You'll want the grains of powder to be about the size of Turkish coffee, if not less. There will always be coarse bits left over, we'll remove them later.

Now put the kava mush into the microwavable safe container with enough water to completely suspend all of the particles. mix it up with your hands (oh yeah -- wash them) to get all the caked bits to suspend. Ttick it in the microwave untill the water boils. Take it out and 'YICKTH! NEARCHUS, YOU DON'T SERIOUSLY SUGGEST THAT I DRINK THIS, DO YOU?!'* Shut up, put the clothespin on your nose and stir the concoction with a spoon. Let it cool. Boil again. Take it out, put the clothespin back on and stir. Do this one more time, then just let it cool. If it's solidifying into goop, add more water. If you can't, that's okay too. when it's cool enough to stick your fingers in, get out the (unused) pantyhose, cut off about a foot at the bottom, and stretch the open end over the mouth of the pitcher, allowing the toe to hang down into the pitcher. Pour that vile gunk in there. If it's moving slow, you skimped on the water, just get a spoon and scrape. Tie up the open end of the pantyhose and add about 30-40ozs of water for every onz of kava, less if you can stand it (cackles maniacally).

Now, portion it out in 10oz cups, any more is a little too much for a drink. Get your buddies in the room, give everyone a glass. Clap once if you wanna follow the Polynesian ritual (why not) And bang that mother down. This is not to be sipped. Drink it in one gulp if possible, shiver violently and immediately chase it with water (anything else will taste bad). Quit yer winin' and pour another glass. When the root's all done, sit down in your favorite chair, curl up with your favorite lover, or assume your own favorite dreamin' position, it's departure time. Ignore the urge to fall asleep. You are now high on Kava, this may last for about 45mins-3hrs, depending on how much you drank. You can plan on being slightly disoriented for the rest of the night, so DO NOT DRIVE!!! Treat this stuff like you would alcohol.

I find this stuff tastes, smells, and feels like shit. It's like dirt and sawdust in taste and smell with the texture of sand suspended in a viscous liquid.

Exp Year: 2001ExpID: 12914
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Feb 9, 2005Views: 27,042
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Kava (30) : Not Applicable (38), Preparation / Recipes (30)

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