New, Vintage, and Signed Blotter Art
Contribute $50 or more and get a piece of displayable
blotter art. These look great framed on the wall !
17 Lost Years
Diazepam (Valium)
by Donster
Citation:   Donster. "17 Lost Years: An Experience with Diazepam (Valium) (exp12869)". Jun 25, 2007.

30 mg oral Pharms - Diazepam (daily)


First I'd like to say I took valium for anxiety and had to pester my doc to get it. To be blunt this drug is very,very bad long term, I thought at first my anxiety problems were gone. After all all the drug from the doctor are good, right? I was entering a horrible world of addiction of not just valium but many other drugs, you see on valium I am very tranquil and after about 6 months I need it to feel normal, if I forget to take it I feel very stressed till U get more. And when on valium my inhibitions are lower like alcohol, I found that other drugs are easier tolerated on valium like acid, pcp, anything now after years of abusing it about 10 years, I decided to quit, Let me tell you my friends I was as wild as an animal and couldnít think and people thought i was crazy, this valium led to Cocaine, heroin all the drugs I could get my hands on I sold cocaine, and did valium at the same time to control the mood swings.

Finally, after 17 years I was in the mental ward for suicidal thoughts, they gave me what else? Valium. I seen a counselor and was told valium was leading me back to other drugs, I am an addict. Valium only supports that behavior, So I checked in to a high class rehab, lots of local celebrities used this place, They took me off valium cold turkey with only an occasional dose of Phenobarbital.

I would not wish withdrawal from this on my worst enemy. I was on heroin and valium when I entered. the heroin wasnít shit to quit compared to the valium, every nerve in my body screamed for this substance, It was just like tripping , the hallucinations were non stop for a whole month I wanted to kill my self , I didnít know who I was supposed to be, valium was in my mental bone marrow. I didnít sleep for the first week and those people at the clinic didnít have much sympathy for an addict . I was told to return to work, I still hadnít slept for more than one hour, and once I got home things got worse my doctor refused to see me anymore and I felt crazy and wired, and for some reason had a constant metallic taste in my mouth.

When I went back to work still no sleep I was treated badly by my co-workers, they fucked with me, played games called me psychotic it got so bad I slapped a co-worker as hard as I could on his head for welding my locker shut he was 6'2' and looked like Mr.T. Much to my amazement he ran away from me and I got newfound respect from my now humbled coworkers. I was new to this department and people didnít know this 'white boy' went to a 70% black Detroit school ,and not having any valium made matters worse so now I get lots of respect but donít quite know how to handle my emotions, again thanks to valium.

I was told by a doctor that this withdrawal was worse than heroin and crack combined! And I might feel better in 6 months, to this day I have not taken valium again I feel I lost my reality from age 25 to 42 and now after 6 months of abstinence from valium I feel actually human again but my nervous system is shot. My hands always tremble now but now I love life again. Like a snake shedding my old skin, I am new and real. I now feel like the young lad I should have been.

I gave some away to friends who got in a fight and bludgeoned the other with a pipe, I never faced my fears with valium, it controlled me, in every facet of my humanity. It took away 17 years of my life which I cannot get back. Its been 8 months now and God I wish I could get those years back ,and must face not taking any drug forever as to remain sane. I am an addict and my behavior will always be as an addict.

Exp Year: 2001ExpID: 12869
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Jun 25, 2007Views: 64,320
[ View as PDF (for printing) ] [ View as LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Switch Colors ]
Pharms - Diazepam (115) : Various (28), Post Trip Problems (8), Depression (15), Addiction & Habituation (10)

COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.

Experience Vaults Index Full List of Substances Search Submit Report User Settings About Main Psychoactive Vaults