Citation: Zed. "It Has Desrtoyed My Brain: An Experience with DXM & Pseudoephedrine (exp12537)". Erowid.org. Oct 16, 2010. erowid.org/exp/12537
I have used dxm recreationaly for about a year now. I went to a local supermarket to buy the Robtissin Suppressive cough syrup. All I could find was the cough and nasal decongestant Containing 30mg of Pseudoephedrine (Hydrochloride)and 15mg of Dextomethorphan (DXM).I bought 2 bottles. I might mention I had been drinking a glass of grapefruit juice every hour 24 hours ahead of time. Anyway I took it later that night. I was very very high with intense visual and auditory hallucinations. I watched as the wall of my bedroom slowly filled with black porous holes. It was like I was watching the inside of my soul being ripped apart and dissected in slow motion, like a time elapsed slide show. This sounds cool but you dont know how horrid it actually was. Thats about the time I lost consciousness. The next thing I can recall was waking up at 1:30 pm the following day. I had noticable disociatiation from my body. My mom said I was depressed the whole day I honestly dont remember. I felt unloved. I think I had a split personality because I discussed with another person in my head for a great deal of time what I would do and say as far as physical and vocal behavior. These conversations lasted a long time to me but in reality took only seconds. I was in a psychotic daze.
What I did next doesn't make sense to me. I went and bought 2 more bottles of the same stuff and took it at relatively the same time. I felt no effects for about 2 hours and all of a sudden like a switch was flipped I was on my ceiling looking down at myself. This seemed strange but normal considering I had just taken Dxm. The funny thing I noticed about myself as I was looking at myself was that my brain was completely exposed and pulsating. I smelled something burning. I tasted something burning. I was burning. I lost it. I also passed out for 19 hours. When I woke up this time everything was crazy. My mother was talking to me and I was talking back to her, obviously making perfect sober sense. The only problem was that I was in, my perception, not having a conversation at all. Too me I was just watching things unravel in a 3rd person perspective, like a tv sitcom. I continued to function this way the entire day meanwhile experiencing intense, loud auditory hallucinations. I would hear Gunshots going off right next to my head and suddenly have a visual memory of eating an ice cream cone as a little kid.
I had accepted the fact that I was now retarded. I seriously had accepted this as reality. I didnt see How I could function normally in society. I grabbed my pocket knife to slit my wrists in hopes of ending this perpetual psychotic torture. I then screamed inwardly. A sound so loud it broke the walls of my mind, the ones that still remained anyway. I dropped the knife and crawled back into bed. I figured Id tell my mom what I did (the whole story including previous usage) but could not bear her disappointment. I then asked god to come down from heaven and take me with him. I wanted to die, I really wanted to die. It seemed the only way I could escape the shell of pain and distortion I had created for myself. Well I obviosly didnt die, I just laid crying for hours. I then fell into a deep sleep which seemed to last for years, in reality only a few hours. I was back from my journey into madness, to hell, the part of my mind I'm never supposed to see ,until I die maybe. I felt like I had come home from a long trip. Everything seemed like I was experiencing it for the first time like tastes, sound emotions. I was glad it was over but I still wasnt ok. There was an obvious delayed reaction to everything.
I told my mom I was sick and stayed home from school. I spent the day reflecting on what had happend or the parts I could remember anyway. I felt I could have died but was given a second chance to live. This brings me to right now as Im writing this trip report I am constantly hitting the wrong keys and having to correct them. Its like part of my brain knows the other part of my brain is fucked up and is compensating for it until it can heal itself. Im really Scared of what this all means. I dont Know if the the damage can be reparied. I really hope it can. I hope this report makes some kind of sense. Im not sure completelety what happend to me but I think I unlocked some parts of my brain that i shouldnt have, parts that we, as an evolving species should not have access to for many centurys to come. My mom was really worried about me through this entire time she didnt know if i was on drugs or if i was just really depressed or what. I hated myself for putting her through that.
I think Im gonna be ok. Its too soon to tell really. All I can say is that dxm should not be messed with. It sent me on a rollercoaster through hell and I saw things That The devil himself wouldnt subject people to. Ill never use it again. I think I could have died but didnt, so that i could write this and stop people from taking this drug. Dont get me wrong, Im not saying all drugs are bad, hell i think pot should be legalized. Just dont fuck with DXM, go buy a quarter bag and just chill for a while. thanks for your time. #Zed#
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