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My Life Changed
MDMA
by HHO
Citation:   HHO. "My Life Changed: An Experience with MDMA (exp12183)". Erowid.org. Jul 10, 2021. erowid.org/exp/12183

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
.5 tablets oral MDMA (pill / tablet)
  T+ 0:30 .5 tablets oral MDMA (pill / tablet)
  T+ 4:30 1 tablet oral MDMA (pill / tablet)
BODY WEIGHT: 75 kg
Some information about me:

Age : 20
Sex : Male
Height : 1.76
Weight : 75 kgs
Fat% : <10%
Education : 2nd year student at a technical university

about the experience:

Location : rave
Date : 8-8-2001
Time : aprox 20 houres (= triptime)


At first I took the first tablet in two halfs, separated half an hour. The onset came quite suddenly after ca 45 minutes of taking the first half. I felt feelings of extreme joy and extreme alertness. Music sounded extremely overwhelming and struck me with a feeling of extreme joy.

Four hours after ingesting the second half of the 1st tablet I ingested a second one in whole. After approximately 15 minutes I felt a feeling of joy and completeness so strong I was totally out of it. I was unable to move my body for aprox 30 minutes and was moaning according my friends during this time. I was incapable of thinking of anything at this time because this incredibly strong feeling took over my entire body.

After this 30 minutes I was seeing the world through new eyes.. all my fears, negative feelings, e.g. were gone. I felt feelings of which I was never aware I had them. I fell in love with a friend of mine (gender: male). After the experience I felt very confused for a couple of days. I was totally unsure of myself in general. After taking time for myself to sort everything out I came to the conclusion I was living up to an image I created for myself; the person I thought I was; the person I OUGHT to BE according to myself. The problems I had prior to the experience (for a few years.. feeling something was wrong not knowing what, extreme depressions, concentration problems, sleeping disorders) all made sense... I tried to be something that I ought te be 'better' than me. I found that my love-life prior to the experience had also been based more on ' what will others think of me when I am with this person' while it should be ' what do I think of this person?' This made it also clear to me that I can't fall in love with someone because of (his/ (I found out I ws bi-sexual)) her looks, but because of their character, the person inside of them. After a really confusing time after the extreme experience I found that it brought me to a new state of mind. I am much more at peace with myself and the world, it changed my personality! And for the good of myself, I am now really enjoying myself and I see now how 'empty' my life has been before! I see others more as they are now too, because I am not looking at someone as ' what do they think of me' I am now looking at another person as the other person...I am much more aware of my own person now! It has REALLY helped me a lot and saved me a lot of psychological therapy in the oncoming years, I know that for sure!

The supplements I was taking before and after the experience:

100 mgs of 5HTP a day
2 grams of vit C a day
1-2 grams of Ginko biloba (like tea) a day
100 micrograms of selenium a day
1 multivitamine a day
1 tablet st John's worth 3 times a day

in general:

- following a healthy, rich of fruits and vegetables, diet
- working out at the gym for 1 hour a day, daily

This I took 2 weeks prior to and 2 weeks after the experience.

The pills I took where labtested @ 109 mgs a piece..

I hope this story can contribute to your work in some way.. It might be a little hard to read here and there because my english is not all that...

Exp Year: 2001ExpID: 12183
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jul 10, 2021Views: 605
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MDMA (3) : Glowing Experiences (4), Music Discussion (22), Depression (15), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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