DOSE:			Pharms - Fentanyl
			Hydromorphone
	150 mg	IM	Pharms - Fentanyl	(liquid)

BODY WEIGHT:

150 lb

Set and Setting:
I had recently experienced a traumatic motorcycle accident that resulted in a shattered right tibia, including a plateau fracture. Initially, I was dosed with fentanyl for pain management, and later, dilaudid. The ketamine was administered in a hospital setting, with medical professionals present. My mental state was understandably distressed due to the pain and trauma from the accident. The ketamine was administered to set the bones, as there was no general anesthesiologist on duty, and they wanted to set it promptly before swelling would require an external fixator and delay the surgery.

Dosage:
1 mg per lb of body weight, administered intramuscularly.

Timeline:
Onset: Around T+00:30 minutes from the initial painkiller administration, I had been x-rayed and moved to a gurney to set the fracture. Ketamine was administered to put me in a dissociated state for this procedure. Within less than a minute, I heard a building, reverberated metallic sound similar to what is heard on nitrous oxide but it became an all-encompassing sound and feeling as I felt like I was launched forward.

Peak: I then felt like I was riding on a 3D projection of a tesseract, gliding through an ever-shifting labyrinth of interconnected cubes, where each turn and twist revealed new dimensions and perspectives, creating a sense of endless, mind-bending exploration. This was very disorienting, and I fought the effects, briefly slipping back into consciousness to ask the nurses, "This may sound like word salad, but is this supposed to feel so fucked up?" They calmly responded yes, and I succumbed to the effects.

Surrender: At that point, I accepted that it was time to let go, and the dizzying initial rush turned into a feeling that I was physically and mentally dying. With what felt like my whole life flashing before my eyes, but at the same time nothing, I was a single point of consciousness coming up to the edge of existence. I believed that this was it for my existence, and what a profound experience it had been, on my way to return to the space-lessness and timelessness of the void. My soul felt pulled towards a membrane that would obliterate it entirely, with an excited fear driven by the significance that this end was the most important thing to happen in my life. At that point, I exploded into what I can only describe as an infinite nothingness and ceased to exist.

Blacking In: At T+01:00 hour, I began "blacking in," using "I" in a very loose sense. The boundaries of time and space blurred in a dimension filled with vivid dream-like psychedelic geometries, such as mountainous tessellations floating in infinite space, which were informed by my thoughts and vice versa. There was no real distinction between myself and the rest of existence. It was the ultimate unity and interconnectedness of everything that has ever or will ever truly exist. I felt as if this world and I were one, existing as this astral plane. This was the most profound and peaceful experience I have ever had, surpassing anything achieved with classical psychedelics.

Awakening and Aftermath: As I began to become aware of my mind and body, drifting in and out of consciousness, I lay on a gurney alone in a white fluorescently lit room. The liquid movement of my hands was the movement of the world, which faded in and out of my perception as I was waking up. I was extremely happy to be alive again but cherished the unfathomable beauty and noetic realism of my transcendent experience. Eventually, I was completely back to reality and vomited. The experience was over quickly, and I spent the next few days in the hospital, the next week bedridden, the following three months in a wheelchair, and three more months after that in physical therapy. A year later, I still have chronic pain and will never be able to run again. Despite this, I believe the experience has forever changed my perception of death. I no longer feel the same existential angst I felt before, as it feels like I have already gone through the process spiritually, and it was beautiful.

Sensory Effects:
During the experience, I heard a building, reverberated metallic sound similar to nitrous oxide effects. This sound became all-encompassing, and I felt as if I was launched forward. I'd liken it to being propelled from a small consciousness in a big world to being a large consciousness in a small world—a dive from the external into an internal reality. I then felt like I was riding on a 3D projection of a tesseract, gliding through an ever-shifting labyrinth of interconnected cubes, where each turn and twist revealed new dimensions and perspectives, creating a sense of endless, mind-bending exploration.

Emotional and Cognitive Effects:
Emotionally, I felt a profound sense of acceptance and peace, as if I was at the edge of existence and had to let go of my fear. Cognitively, my thoughts were deeply interconnected with the psychedelic geometries I was experiencing. The ketamine provided a unique mental state where the boundaries between myself and the rest of existence seemed to dissolve, leading to the ultimate unity and interconnectedness of everything that has ever or will ever truly exist.

Physical Effects:
Physically, I experienced a range of sensations, from the initial rush of the ketamine to a deep sense of disconnection from my body. The pain from my injury was initially overshadowed by the intense effects of the drug but later returned as I became aware of my physical state.

Conclusion:
I found ketamine, especially in a medical setting, to be a profound and disorienting experience. This experience was transformative for me, providing insights into my perception of death and alleviating existential angst. It has contributed significantly to my understanding of life and existence.

Exp Year: 2024	ExpID: 118259
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 33
Published: Jun 1, 2025	Views: Not Supported
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Ketamine (31) : Combinations (3), Mystical Experiences (9), Medical Use (47), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Hospital (36)