Where Did I Go...
Salvia divinorum (10x extract)
Citation: Annon. "Where Did I Go...: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (10x extract) (exp117877)". Erowid.org. Jan 11, 2025. erowid.org/exp/117877
DOSE: |
1 hit | smoked | Salvia divinorum | (extract - 10x) |
BODY WEIGHT: | 200 lb |
Back at home, my group of friends and I sat on my bed and passed around the pipe. One inhale in, and all I could exhale was laughter. Okay, that was fun, but nothing else. This initial experience primed my confidence with a false sense of security that this too could be added to my list of psychedelics I had tried and conquered.
I wanted more. I had been promised more by the retellings of my friends’ experiences. So, we tried again.
I wanted more. I had been promised more by the retellings of my friends’ experiences. So, we tried again.
The sensation of pulling and rolling continued as I flew through the “air” of this place. I was connected to clones of myself in giant sheets (imagine a piece of paper made up of people, but they were all me). I was only one in these giant sheets of “me”, wearing a fabric suit made of nylon yarn that matched my other clones, and crashing into identical sheets of other “me” sheets. The only difference in these sheets was the color of the fabric on the bodies. As the sheets would collide together, they would create a memory that became a moment in a day of my life, and on and on the collisions would combine to create my life review.
Oh. I’m dead. I’ve died, and this is where we go afterwards?
As soon as I had this thought, the clones immediately surrounding me would wake up and see that I had woke up. They became anxious and concerned and told me, “It’s okay. Go back to sleep. You’re not supposed to be here yet.” Were they helping me? Okay, fine. I don’t like this, anyway. I’ll just go back to sleep. I’d close my eyes and suddenly the crashing and colliding of sheets got worse. As I rolled through the sheet, a giant zipper would rush over me and zip me up, effectively closing that moment and memory of my life, only to hurl me right into the next one, over and over, on and on.
It hurt! I could feel my skin zip inch by inch! It was not a whole body “drug high” but a very specific and localized pain that could have only been caused by a… giant zipper??? I know.
When the pain was too much to handle, I’d have to open my eyes again, wake up again. It felt like the moment your head comes up above water when drowning. A breath of fresh air, yet I’d be greeted again by the clones waking up and telling me to go back to sleep. This became repetitive like I was locked in a loop. I wanted to listen to them, because they seemed helpful, but I couldn’t handle the pain of spinning and colliding and being zipped up.
The longer I was here, the more my mind cycled through, trying to make sense of what was happening. I was dead. No, I was insane and locked in an asylum and forever doomed to live in this new reality. No. There’s someone else here now.
My body must have fallen asleep for real and released my ego because I was able to leave that sheet of “me” and my essence/consciousness detached. I was less afraid, realizing I was free, and I watched the sheets of “me” and that damn zipper continue to do what it was doing when I was attached to it. Things started to make sense, but it was dark and creepy and weird. I wanted to get my bearings, so I observed my surroundings. Where was I?
It was a warehouse of sorts that was a big and tall and wide as infinity, yet it looked like the backstage of a dark theatre. There was an old man, sitting in a recliner, watching the movie of MY life, the one I was just making in the sheets of “me”. I don’t know how I knew, but I knew he was the creator. The “god” of my earthly world, and he was orchestrating all of this… for his own entertainment.
The final thought that came to me was life was a movie, made for the entertainment of other beings, not angelic or happy ones either, just a weird creepy old guy and none of our lives on earth have any significant meaning.
Slowly, my consciousness traveled back out of the dark tunnel that sucked me down in the first place. I came back into the room with my friends, back to the reality I was familiar with, but now felt… fragile.
I came back into the room with my friends, back to the reality I was familiar with, but now felt… fragile.
I was 19 years old when this happened. It’s been 19 years since, and I still remember it as being more real and vivid than every day here on earth. For months I had nightmares about this place. I was afraid of corners of rooms, thinking I would get sucked back out without warning because something more powerful had real control over my reality—that fragility piece stuck with me. I still worry about death and search for evidence that this place is different and nothing like where I’ll end up. But because of how real it was, I can’t dismiss it as “a hallucination.” I believe we go somewhere, I just hope this place isn’t it.
Exp Year: 2005 | ExpID: 117877 |
Gender: Female | |
Age at time of experience: 19 | |
Published: Jan 11, 2025 | Views: 16 |
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Salvia divinorum (44) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Post Trip Problems (8), Entities / Beings (37), Difficult Experiences (5), Retrospective / Summary (11) |
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