Mushrooms - P. cubensis
Citation: Mo. "The Best Worst Thing Ever: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. cubensis (exp11647)". Erowid.org. Sep 18, 2020. erowid.org/exp/11647
Note: The two trippers where 18 years of age and are both tall and massive persons (PMC: 6'3' ft; Me: 6'7' ft)
Me and three very good friends of mine decided to go on a trip to Amsterdam during the holidays. We planned to stay 2 nights and during that time smoke as much weed as possible and maybe try mushrooms.
Day1: We spent the first day as we had planned it; we went from coffeeshop to coffeeshop and smoked ALOT. That day one of my friends (I'll call him PMC) and I decided that we were going to hit the mushz the next day. My two other friends P. and J. said that they would accompany us but not take mushroomz themselves. We were ok with that and were happy that J. was with us because he is very interested in ethnobotany as he calls it and knows alot about various plants and their effects (even thou he hasn't done anything but weed!!) and he was going to our (as it later turned out esp. my) tripsetter.
Day2: We walked around Amsterdam looking through the various smartshops and I kept asking J. if these shroomz were better than those and so forth. When we finally found what J. had been looking for: dried mexican mushroomz (cubensis). So I bought one portion that PMC were going to share, as we were beginners we thought half the dose each should send us on a medium trip. The shopowner gave us last advice and said that we should avoid sugar and that we should chew the mushroomz as long as possible. So went went back to our apartment, when I opened the bag with the shroomz I nearly puked, because they smelled like SHIT!!! And I mean 'shit', not in the sense of 'really bad' BUT 'SHIT'....genuine shit. PMC and I just could not force ourselves to eat these without anything else so we ate nacho-chip with the mushroomz and the taste was not that bad. After we had finished all the mushroomz at about 1PM we would just lay in our beds and wait (the shopowner told us it would take about 30 minz to kick-in).
At 1.30 nothing happened, at 1.45 nothing happened so we decided that these shroomz were crap and that we would have to get some more! So off we went again into another shop where we bought some fresh mexicans. As the shop had a very nice relaxation area we stayed there for our trip. Turned out that the fresh ones did taste even worse than the dried ones and so we consumed them with ALOT of water. When PMC and I started to eat the fresh ones we started to laugh alot and play with the waterbottles we had, not realizing that that were the effects from the dried shroomz we had earlier. Soon after we finished the second dose, I told PMC, who was, just like me, laughing and giggling like a maniac, that we were already very high and tripping and that the second dose hadn't even started to kick in. We both considered it for a moment and then started to laugh even more franatically. I lost my perception of time completely, so I can't say how long we have been laughing about nothing and everything. The relaxation-area of the shop had a blue sky with white clouds painted on the walls, but for me it became the real sky, the clouds were passing by slowly and I was flying through the sky and it felt great, when I told PMC he said that he was doing the same thing and then we laughed some more.
Another thing that happened was I was looking at J. and wanted to tell him something about the walls and he was smiling and for a split-second his face and his smile turned into a demonic grin: his teeth were long and sharp his mouth went from ear to ear and he had red flaming eyes. It didn't scare me I just nearly died laughing about it, when I wanted to tell PMC HE did the same thing a had a demonic smile for a short while. I tried to explain what I just saw and when PMC started laughing like crazy I thought he had understood what I meant, but it turned out I had just made strange sounds and just mumbled nonunderstandeable things and that was why he laughed. Then at some point, we were exhausted form all the laughing, we just sat there silent, and then I started thinking.
All the time we have been laughing I had felt nothing but the pure joy of it, I mean I felt NOTHING but that feeling, I haven't felt my hands, my feet, or my left ear; I was completely focused on the laughing and the feeling that accompanied it, a 100% nothing else could get through. When PMC and I were tripping J. and P. were smoking weed constantly and PMC and (due to J.'s recommendation) didn't smoke any and since the shroomz felt so good I kept insulting the two because I felt a very strong bond between PMC and myself and for me J. and P. were 'enemies' not real enemies but strangers and not on the same 'level' as we were, I thought PMC and I were 'better' than they were and we didn't want to smoke their goddamn herbs, but then PMC stabbed me in the back: he lit his lighter and touched me with the flame for me a world broke down, PMC was now on the side of the goblins and I was alone and he even wanted to smoke their herbs, I then knew that I could not trust anybody.
It was not real insulting but I kept calling them 'goblins with their damn herbs', I thought it was hallarious and had a good laugh about it but when I later saw (when we were just sitting around) that P. was really pissed off and somewhat sad I felt really sorry at this point something really strange happened (have to say that P. was my very very best friend at that time): when I looked at him my vision broke like an image in a splintered mirror, that really hurt me deep in my heart
when I looked at him my vision broke like an image in a splintered mirror, that really hurt me deep in my heart
and that started my 'bad feelings'. As I said before I was only able to have ONE feeling and the feeling-sorry for P. developed quickly into sadness and so-forth and that really really dragged me down.
I was sitting on a couch and stared into the water and felt so incredibly bad; then I felt like I had to go to the toilet so I stood up without a word and asked the owner where the toilett was....it was in the cellar. Feeling the way I felt I had to step down into darkness. The room in front of the toilett was illuminated by violet light that was shot against a discoball, I was tripping so hard and now THAT, I developed a serious FEAR. I sneaked around the corner paranoid, thinking that some goblin might jump from around the corner and just kill me, and reached the toilett. When I opened the door it was pitchdark in there....BAD.....in my half-paranoid state I searched the light-switch. I was really happy when I found it and sat down on the toillet. I hadn't looked around the room before but then I noticed that this room again was way too trippy for me....but I had no choice. Millions of thoughts were rushing through my head, I must have spent at least 30 minz on the toilett thinking and inspecting the room with that paranoid fear I had. One time I thought that, my life would end now, that I was a drug-wreck and that my friends would hate me now and that I would be in this state for the rest of my life and such a life was just a waste. I tried hard to talk myself out of the fear but it just didn't work, I tried everything that always worked when I was drunk or stoned but NOTHING helped.....great now I was feeling helpless too.
FEAR. Why did I do this? I'm gonna die. No one likes me. I don't deserve to live, heedless. Mushroomz, why drugs? What is wrong with my life that I have to do druuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggzz. I have to ease myself. This is all imagination, all just in my head. But that does not comfort me. It always did, everything is falling apart. NOOO, I don't want to lose everything. I liked my live before, oh god help me...
After, what I think were about 45 minz, I just closed my eyes and walked out, stepping up felt really good. The way to the relaxation area felt really long even though it is only like 15 meters or so I thought I had to walk a very long distance, but when I arrived something terrible happened: during the time I spent on the toilett thinking I was a piece of shit, some Amsterdam-streetjunk had come in. The second I arrived HE, I mean this dirty, stinking ugly dude, went to MY place and sat down with an incredible calmness and started to roll a joint. All the comfort I had gotten getting out of the cellar and back to my friends vanished immediately.
For me I was the bum, I thought this bum had replaced me and my friends didn't even notice it. I fell into a hole that was deeper that the previous holes, I sat down next to J. mouth wide open and I felt so empty. When I heard my friends talking about the bum that he should fuck off and things I realized that he had just been pissing them off and they were trying to ignore him. I started to talk to J. in a very low tone so the others could not hear us, I told him about PMC and that he had betrayed me and that I was now feeling connected with him. He tried to calm me which he eventually managed to do.
At about 6PM, I was still tripping, we decided to go to a coffeeshop. Imagine tripping and have to walk through the red light district of Amsterdam with all the flashing lights and billions of people. I needed something to comfort me, thinking about other people that had done mushroomz and lsd before the first that came to my mind were the hippies and I connected with them: LOVE and PEACE. Then it came to me, I just wanted that everybody was happy when I told my friends PMC in particular they all said it was ok and that they felt good and so we walked arm in arm through Amsterdam.
I felt soooo good walking with my friends a strong bond between us and nothing should disturb our good karma and I tried my best to keep the vibrations positive. I did everything to make them feel good because then I felt good too: I gave them my weed and my cigs, I bought them drinks and so on. I slowly came down from the trip, I even started smoking weed with the others. I just wanted them to feel good and to like me. They knew they had me in their hands and made me do some stuff that was not really nice but I did it to make them (and with that me) feel good. But after a while my old-self came back and when J. asked something of me with a wicked grin I just smiled and said 'FUCK YOU!!!' We all laughed and I was happy to be my old non-hippie-self again. We just smoked all evening and at about 11PM we fell asleep.
(That night one of the biggest coffeeshops in Amsterdam caught fire and burned out)
Day3: We woke up and had our breakfast and went back to the smartshop where we had done the mushz because I had to confront myself with my fears. And when I saw the toillet the walls and everything... it all felt sooo normal, I was happy that it was over. We spent the rest of the time, until our train arrived, in that smartshop smoking and talking about the experience. At that time I said and I was pretty sure that I was never going to do shroomz or anything like that ever again.
Now: This experience has opened my eyes for alot of things... I understand things that I haven't understood before... I understand people... and I know how paranoia and depression feels like. For me it was the worst best thing in my life... EVER... sooner or later I will try out LSD with my (know he is) best friend PMC. We both feel very deeply connected after our trip... and I think we will remain friends forever or until we die... whichever comes first =)
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