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Infinite Terror
Cannabis - Hash
by mitch
Citation:   mitch. "Infinite Terror: An Experience with Cannabis - Hash (exp11645)". Erowid.org. Oct 17, 2019. erowid.org/exp/11645

 
DOSE:
2 Tbsp oral Cannabis - Hash (edible / food)
    smoked Tobacco - Cigarettes  

BODY WEIGHT: 14 st


This all happened on the 30th Dec 2001.


Myself and 4 other friends decided to eat some hash - something I was happy to join in with, as I had done it once before and enjoyed. I have also smoked raw hash and taken bongs before, and, as before, enjoyed them to varying degrees.

So, we went to one guys house where a party was already happening in the main part of the house, so we headed to the kitchen and debated how to go about it - we ended up crumbling a pretty big amount of hash into some butter melted at low heat, and them took about 2-3 spoonfuls each (eaten with yoghurts/desserts).

Of course it was revolting, but we all forced it down and went outside for a smoke. (I don`t smoke joints or cigs - I get light headed smoking tobacco) After a while my heart started pumping really quickly, and while I knew this might happen I started to panic slightly.

In the weeks before I had suffered from mild arrhythmia (wonky heart beats) but hadn`t sought medical advice, and had the thought in the back of my mind that this could be some kind of heart reaction to the drug.

I explained to my mates about this, trying to remain calm - even laughing it off at one point, but the heartbeat would continue to become faster and heavier.

We retired indoors to one of the bedrooms and I sat on the floor, trying to appear normal and regain my normal heartbeat and composure.

One of the guys put on some music, and that`s when things got strange - the music was *all around* me. Everywhere. It didn`t sound right at all, so I tried to explain to the guys that I still didn`t feel right, all the time fighting *really* hard to catch a breath. The last moment of coherent reality I remember was telling the guys that 'It shouldn't be like this' over and over.

I started to not care about how stupid I was sounding and became totally concerned for myself.

Then it started to get bad.

Blank time passed, I don`t know how long.

Then vision and some sense of feeling returned, but it was like watching a paused DVD from my own perspective. My mates faces were all around my vision, but then it felt like frames on a video going backwards in time, maybe one frame every 10 seconds. I was sure I was lying down.

The 'frame rate' increased very slowly - but still *backwards*.

I had my first scary thought - 'I have died, either a heart attack or falling over, and this is what happens - we go backwards through our life frame by frame re-experiencing *everything*, but backwards.'

A profound thought - but this was quickly followed by a second:

'What happens when I`m *born*'.

Sheer mental terror, swaying between calm and total hell ensued - and I then thought that this was what happens when 'we' die - the final test - heaven or hell.

Then I had some thoughts about what the final question may be - Do you believe in God? was the first I thought it might be.

Now I`m an atheist, but belief can be a scary thing - and I now know that the key to belief isn`t faith - it`s simply having an open mind and accepting what is shown to you and using your own judgement. So my answer to the question Do You Believe in God was: If he exists - of course I do.

I had a chuckle to myself, and another few random thoughts, then the frame rate increase, but was no longer backwards, but small chunks of real reality coming in increasingly fast waves, till eventually I remember being able to speak to one friend, he was saying 'You`re OK'. I was asking if I was dead, or if I`d fallen over etc... Then reality crumbled again, and I experienced an intense claustrophobia, and asphyxiation, it felt like to sides (good and evil maybe) taking turns to punish and then soothe me - my throat would constrict and then another sensation would make this disappear slowly. This then changed from physical sensations to mental images where the colours blue and red/orange were polar opposites and my thoughts were being 'read' by something, altering the imagery according to my mental response. These images became almost spiral-like and I felt like I was being pulled down a cyclone of madness and, I think, this was one of the worst points.

I eventually relaxed into it - thinking that I could handle anything and that I was basically I good guy and that this 'hell' wouldn`t take me - it was just a test. I started to laugh a bit, despite the horrible physical sensations, and then things started to turn themselves inside out - I could 'see' the number PI everywhere - not the symbol, but abstract three dimensional circular vortices churning around - I felt like I had finally figured out *everything* in the universe... I was still panicking, but I also felt elated that I had had this insight. Then reality snapped back and I told my friends something about 'Seeing everything, I`ve seen it all' before the madness took me back.

I then had sensations of drills being put in my forehead, distant spiralling vacuums crushing my arms from the fingertips upwards and despite the panic and immense pain I managed to always calm down and stop it before it consumed me completely.

Then there was a glowing metallic light point miles beneath me and I could smell burning - I thought this was hell again, and I was falling towards it - but somehow I managed to evade it at the last second.

I was in the grip of complete madness at this point.

The images continued for some time, with bits of what I know to be reality occasionally appearing, with a few seconds of speech ability each time.

I remember the next door neighbor (a female doctor) speaking to me, I remember being carried down some stairs, I remember being in the ambulance, I remember seeing police, I remember being in hospital - but all this time - I was never sure if I was alive, awake, or even in this reality and not some fabricated by my own brain in its near death state.

Eventually I came to properly, and two mates (who didn`t take anything that night) took me to stay at their flat. Reality was still segmented into 4 second chunks, and music and imagery would still trigger my inner mental struggle between good and evil (that's the only way I can describe it) but as the hours passed, these feelings would become diluted.

Even now, almost a week later, I still don`t feel 100% normal - as if I can`t accept this reality as *real*, or as if on some level, I am aware of everything that happened and remember something my sanity doesn`t think I can handle yet and so is keeping locked up.

I could talk for days about this - I`ve missed out a ton of details that, I think re-reading this now, would only bore you. :)

I don`t think I`ll do hash again - but you never know. One day.

Exp Year: 2001ExpID: 11645
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Oct 17, 2019Views: 770
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Cannabis - Hash (93) : Difficult Experiences (5), Bad Trips (6), Hangover / Days After (46), Post Trip Problems (8), Personal Preparation (45), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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