Citation: avatar. "Meeting My Soul: An Experience with Pharmahuasca (Tetrahydroharmine, Harmine & DMT) (exp116390)". Erowid.org. Jun 17, 2022. erowid.org/exp/116390
First some background about me. I now do not take psychedelics to "trip" as I used to do in the past in which I was mostly interested in visual hallucinations. They fascinated me. Now, I use psychedelics as a tool and preferably in small amounts so that I am still in control and can use the state to do self-exploration, combined with meditation. I do meditate daily for about a year now. During meditative sessions I can feel the energy flows in my subtle (etheric) body. Most of the time I do breathing exercises combined with visualization to activate corresponding chakras. Little do I know about them and how they work. It just opened to me recently. Also, I am interested in astral projection and lucid dreaming. I do corresponding exercises for this (reaching the mind awake body asleep state and sleep paralysis, writing a dream diary, etc.). I had little success in achieving those states so far. In my childhood I had sleep paralysis once and recently I experienced a spontaneous vibrational state during sleep. Vibrational state usually occurs before the astral projection.
I smoked DMT countless times. The problem is that the effects are short lasting. Naturally I was thinking to take MAOIs and then DMT. In traditional ayahuasca there are harmala alkaloids, mostly harmine, harmaline and tetrahydroharmine. The content of those varies and I read that in good ayahuasca, the content of harmaline is as low as possible. Harmaline is known to have nauseating effects which I wanted to avoid. Therefore, I used a mixture of harmine and tetrahydroharmine. I obtained this mixture after reduction of harmine/harmaline mixture (extracted from Syrian rue seeds) with sodium borohydride in methanol. The purity was checked by HPLC and 1H NMR. It was very pure, HPLC purity >99% (there was no other compounds present). DMT was prepared by more complex chemical synthesis a long time ago by me as well. It is also very pure (checked by 1H and 13C NMR). It was distilled under high vacuum and then recrystallized from hexane/dichloromethane to produce nice off-white fluffy crystals. Usually, DMT is yellow and contains some oxidation products and smells really bad. This has nice soft and pleasant smell.
Before the experience I had only a small baguette with some regular cheese. I was not nervous at all. I was in pleasant mood. Usually when I smoke DMT I get quite anxious. I usually take psychedelics alone and this was the case as well. I weighed out 148 mg of a mixture of harmine (67 mg) and tetrahydroharmine (81 mg) freebase on a milligram scale. I suspended it in few mL of rose hip tea. Because the tea is quite acidic, it dissolved some of the harmala alkaloids and the mixture was a bit bitter tasting but nothing unbearable. I ingested it at 9:00. Then, at 9:25, I weighed out 51 mg of DMT freebase and took it in a similar way. This was a mistake because DMT tastes awful... Next time I must put it into a gelatin capsule...
At 9:45 I started to feel nausea. I sit into a meditation posture on my couch and try to breath slowly. The nausea subsided soon and at 10:00 I already started to feel the DMT effects. I saw the patterns pulsing on walls when I focused attention. I use this to check how much I am tripping. I felt really trippy though. Body feel was DMT-like but different. I guess the harmala alkaloids are really enhancers of the experience and bring their own flavor to it.
I lay down on my couch and covered myself with a blanket. As soon as I closed my eyes, I experienced a strong spinning sensation to the left around the axis of my body. I never felt that before.
As soon as I closed my eyes, I experienced a strong spinning sensation to the left around the axis of my body. I never felt that before.
Then, my attention moved out of center of my usual attention point (behind my eyes) to the left from my body. It felt weird and so I slowly centered myself again. Sometimes I experience something similar in deep meditation. The next hour and half I was lying in my couch. During this time, I was constantly shifting attention to what I would call a human ego's perspective and my soul's perspective. At least thatís what I though during the experience. From my ego's perspective I felt the soul is some kind of alien, it felt really alien-like. On the other hand, I then switched to soul's perspective and the human life and the physical body felt now alien and something really odd. The soul was some kind of multidimensional energy field (some kind of amoeba, octopus-like or heptapod-like organism (like in the movie Arrivals). That's how I perceived it and it felt very normal, nothing unusual. It was a very powerful and god-like entity. The human seemed like some kind of joke, ridiculous and primitive organism. Especially the human body and its reproductive organs. I viewed sexuality in this state as a powerful unconditional love (inexpressible in words) for other souls and this powerful force was meant to be felt by these joke-looking reproductive organs? It felt like some really funny joke. I could not comprehend it. I laughed so much.
I then looked at pieces of my current life from my soul's perspective. I don't have many friends in this life but I picture two close friends and felt this incredible powerful love for them and I understood we are similar souls. I then focused my attention on my mother who is unfortunately mentally ill, but fortunately stable now. She had psychotic episodes and had to be hospitalized many times. Now she takes antipsychotics every day. I did not perceived her to be close to me at all. I had this distant feeling to my parents and family as well. I seemed to use them to incarnate here but they are not developed souls. They are not close to me also in my ego's perspective. In this state I seemed to be able to perceive the multilayered nature of a human being (consciousness is only a small layer, then there are multiple layers in the subconscious). I could not comprehend what I was seeing and getting. It was the first time I was able to perceive it like this. It felt like some multidimensional, layered information... I cannot describe it is words. I perceived my mother this way and first thing I felt was that she is really fu*ked-up in many ways.
During this mental reasoning I was repeatedly shifting attentions to my body and to my human role/ego. I was grounding myself as I do in meditation as well. The perception of the usual sounds and visual imagery grounds me in this reality. I realized that I cannot count on this if I want to learn astral projection. The only certainty are the energy centers (chakras) that persist after death of the physical body. I then thought about bad trips from the soul's perspective, and it was so clear to me and ridiculous as well. Bad trips only arise when the ego cannot comprehend and make sense of the transpersonal experiences... At the end, I realized I should take care more about my avatar (body) in this lifetime, I should run more and generally keep the body healthy. At 11:30 I woke up from the state and looked at my hands. They looked so strange. I counted my fingers and was thinking why the hell do I have 5 fingers, I could very well have less or more. I was generally surprised by this body I live in. It is interesting that I didnít have closed eye visuals during the trip. Usually, I have them all the time when I smoke DMT.
After that I went to toilet 2 times in a short amount of time. I guess the DMT and harmala alkaloids takes out a lot of water from the body. So, I drank some more water and went to sleep. Always after these trips I feel exhausted. I was in a dream-like state but don't remember anything specific. I woke up at 15:30. The effects were completely gone, and I felt relaxed, as nothing happened. I then finally made some lunch (vegetable soup) and then went for a walk. I was feeling an increased amount of energy. Overall, it was very interesting experience, and I will be processing it for some time.
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