Citation: Desiredkink. "I Almost Died: An Experience with Chloroform (exp115945)". Erowid.org. Dec 14, 2021. erowid.org/exp/115945
Our understanding of the literature is that there is no such thing as safe recreational use of volatile solvents, aerosols and other street inhalants : their psychoactive effects are inseparable from nerve and organ damage. We have chosen to include these reports to help document the real world use of inhalants, but their inclusion is not intended to imply that they are anything but dangerous.]
I Almost Died From Chloroform Poisoning
My heart was broken again during the summer of 2014, I was angry and feeling dejected after my girlfriend dumped me. I made a spur of the moment decision to finally try a chemical anesthetic that I'd always wanted to try ever since I was ten years old. I wanted to try chloroform to see what it was like for all those TV and movie actresses and actors moaning underneath the suffocating chemical soaked gauze as their on-screen characters succumbed and passed out. I have a sleepy fetish as many responsible adults openly or perhaps secretly also happen to share. It's completely normal to have sexual fetishes and to chat online with others about your favourite sleepy fetish scene you both remember from a beloved TV show. I've chatted with some amazing people online who share the same sleepy fetish and some are fortunate to be in a relationship and have a safe consenting roleplay night, sometimes pretending to be asleep, tied up in their lover's arms. Back during that late summer of 2014, I didn't want to just roleplay chat about chloroform, or write erotica about it, nope, I wanted to try chloroform - for real! Yep, I knew it could and can kill by stopping your heart with only a few inhales. I was hurt and where most heartbroken people might drink too much or use whatever substances there are at hand to get over their pain, I wanted to chloroform myself out in an experiment at least. This was an incredibly dumb idea, I know, but I didn't care because I just had to know what being chloroformed was like for sexy Linda Carter's Wonder Woman and all the gazillions of fictional characters I've seen kidnapped on-screen or in comic book pages.
I managed to buy a bottle of 100ml Laboratory Grade Trichloromethane online months before a woman was murdered with chloroform here in the UK and her murder led to online sale of the toxic chemical anesthetic being highly restricted. Dehydrated, hungry on a Friday night in my bedroom, I sat upright cross legged on my bed and had the bottle ready beside me. Bringing the bottle inches close to my face, my senses are sharp most of the time so already I gagged on a strong chemical smell from the unopened bottle cap. The chloroform's harsh chemical smell instantly reminded me of similar odours like brake fluid and adhesive and didn't at all resemble the soft soporific "sickly sweet" narcotic odour often described.
After readying a thick purple cotton handkerchief folded into a square by the unopened lid of the chloroform bottle, opening the bottle the chemical stink filled my bedroom. I wetted the handkerchief with a dunking of about 10ml of the chemical anesthetic that froze my fingers beneath. Then I closed the bottle lid and took a painful first huff with burning hot fumes that instantly travelled up my nostrils to sting and irritate my sinuses. Pulling away the rag, I coughed, wincing as I tried expelling out the hot fumes irritating my mouth and throat.
That first huff put me off before trying again a second time which I felt was a desperate scary mistake that frightened me. Oh fuck! What've I done? What's happening, I thought, pushing away the damp handkerchief again as a red haze appeared in my vision and I felt a cold sweat on the skin on my brow along with a vibrating and tingling on my cooling flesh. There was a screeching fax modem noise inside my ears when I coughed.
I felt a cold sweat on the skin on my brow along with a vibrating and tingling on my cooling flesh. There was a screeching fax modem noise inside my ears when I coughed.
By now after just a second huff from the handkerchief, I was shaking and cold, my teeth chattered a little. I waited at least a long minute or so before even considering trying again with the screeching in my hearing slowly fading away. Sitting back against my bed's pillow, I realized that the chloroform on the handkerchief in my hand had dried up. The hot burning chemical stink was still in my nostrils and mouth, anesthetizing my tongue slightly. My heart thumping in my ears, I watched the digital clock readout on my bedside alarm clock until I freshly wetted the handkerchief with another 10ml of chloroform.
Despite how scared I was, I wanted to see how long I could stand the acrid chemical smell and knock myself out completely with the handkerchief maybe self-applied over my own mouth and nose. Staring at the handkerchief approaching my face, I winced again, involuntarily gasping as I dabbed the thick wet folded sap over my nostrils and mouth. With my frozen fingers softly clasping the cloth over my face, the fresh chloroform smelt less harsh in my throat and nostrils, but it was still so bad that I coughed to hold my breath. Suddenly I breathed in and Oh God! I inhaled in the hot fumes and it felt as though my throat and lungs were on fire.. I coughed on more inhales and sniffs that became gulping coughed inhales, my heart thundering in my chest. On each quick inhale the fax modem screeching softened and the red haze returned. I felt suffocated, so I pulled the handkerchief away so I could dizzily open my mouth, gasping for air just as Lynda Carter's Wonder Woman had done in a kidnapping scene from the hit 1970s TV series Wonder Woman. I remember thinking of that exact scene and being sexually aroused by my body's similar reaction to real chloroform. Quickly pressing the rag against my face again, I started to perversely enjoy inhaling more quick gulps of hot chloroform fumes that felt softer to inhale now. My bedroom was rapidly spinning round and round, I inhaled again I think and...red darkness with an empty quick airless limbo followed.
I remember realising I was staring at my alarm clock again, I coughed thinking I'd been chloroformed and couldn't remember the gap between being knocked out and coming to. I know I had been unconscious for at least two hours because maybe more than two hours had elapsed. The handkerchief had fallen off my face to my upper chest and I had a slight headache and wanted to try the chloroform again. Which I did, another two times, Chloroforming myself to wake up over two hours each time and by now it was early morning and the sun was rising.
I had to pee, which stank to high heaven exactly like my sweat and underwear did. Sink washing my hands, I saw these strange tiny misshapen bits of aluminium foil-like metal slivers stuck to my face. I washed these weird foil slivers off, drank some water and undressed to take a shower. Redressing, I had to get the chloroform stink out, I opened my bedroom window for a bit before putting the smelly handkerchief underneath my bed. Trying to restlessly sleep, the horrendous, huge need to vomit woke me up and I purged over the carpet beneath again and again. I kept vomiting, wishing it would stop. Anything I tried drinking, like orange juice or just water quickly came back up and this kept on throughout the day and night into Sunday. I knew I was dying, I threw the nauseous handkerchief where the overpowering chemical stink couldn't impregnate into other clothing and hid the chloroform bottle away in a cupboard. I needed to at least feel the sun's warmth on me before I died. I went to my parent's house, spoke to my mum without telling her what was happening to me, before going outside to sit soaking up some rays on the grass lawn. I went back to my place where I had zero food appetite because I'd just vomit it out seconds later. This went on for days, I slowly managed to drink some liquids and keep them down. By Friday I felt stronger from vomiting less and managed a little food then and over the weekend but didn't feel strong enough until maybe Tuesday the following week.
Somehow I survived my life threatening chloroform poisoning and used my own experience, learned from it, I think. It helped in my writing also. Even after all of this, I'm still obsessed with chloroform and sleepy fetish but to whoever you are who is reading this: I ask you to please not try chloroform.
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