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A Sea of Emptiness, Ennui, Sexual Disinterest
Lorazepam
by Canine5646
Citation:   Canine5646. "A Sea of Emptiness, Ennui, Sexual Disinterest: An Experience with Lorazepam (exp115843)". Erowid.org. Oct 10, 2021. erowid.org/exp/115843

 
DOSE:
1 - 2 mg oral Pharms - Lorazepam (pill / tablet)

BODY WEIGHT: 160 lb


I took a standard dose by (2 mg, I think) mouth a few months ago in a misguided attempt to snap myself out of a bad bout of anxiety. It's one of the worst decisions of my life.

Lorazepam annihilated my anxiety, temporarily, but at too great a cost. I felt no interest in anything for weeks. It stripped parenting, work, sex, etc, of their joy. I didn't get a healthy, waking erection for weeks; not because lorazepam/Ativan did anything to me physically, but because it revealed to me the depths of emptiness I can feel when I mess with my neurochemistry the wrong way under the wrong conditions. I would have gladly exchanged this experience for some horrifying trip, or healthy grief, or an exacerbation of my original symptoms.

This is still a bit of a puzzle to me. But long after the chemical effects have worn off, the aftershocks still affect me. I was going through some "life stuff" at the time I dosed, and rather than providing me the reset I'd been seeking, it tipped me into a state of ennui, depression and sexual disinterest. Weirdly, it was like a completely inverted version of the joyful afterglow I've had after a couple of good LSD trips.



Exp Year: 2021ExpID: 115843
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 37 
Published: Oct 10, 2021Views: 221
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Pharms - Lorazepam (79) : Post Trip Problems (8), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Medical Use (47), Unknown Context (20)

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