Citation: Ardougne. "Connecting With Gods and People's Energies: An Experience with AL-LAD, 3F-Phenmetrazine, & Alcohol - Beer (exp115524)". Erowid.org. Sep 26, 2021. erowid.org/exp/115524
I do have lots of experience with psychedelics, fair tolerance to dissociatives, stimulants and alcohol. I took 3 blotters of AL-LAD and the experience was for some reason much, much more intense than I imagined.
I went to a music festival with my friends, and before the trip I had a line of 3-FPM (ca 40mg), and a moderate amount of alcohol (about 5 beers equivalent). Earlier I also had a line of amphetamine and a few bumps of ketamine, but I don’t believe those influenced my experience much.
Well, then, I decided to drop 450 ug of AL-LAD (as my friend had described this dose to be extremely visually interesting with a clear head and no brain fog). The experience started coming up, and about 30 minutes in I started to feel quite tripped out, for some reason I went with my two friends to get one more beer, and I felt quite weird around other people at the bar. Then I went to the tekno mainstage and started watching from afar when things started happening. First, the people around me were somehow replaced by very fancy figures, like elves, nomads, or monks – there were also a lot of children dancing everywhere (which seemed absolutely normal to me at the time, yet with hindsight I’m sure there were no kids).
Then a strange thing happened, when from a nearby tent, some glowing and trippy looking tendon or tentacle of some sort shot out to me and tied me to the tent, as I was also glowing with similar light energy. There were some monks around the tent and they signaled to me that I should now be with them, because my energy binds me to them. Sure enough, when I tried to move away, the tendon seemed to draw me back closer to the tent. I remember one of the figures coming up and offering me water (so it seems they were in fact human) but at the time I considered it a scheme to draw me over to their side, so I refused and danced on.
I continued dancing among those fancy colorful nomads and children, analyzing and copying their dance moves. Suddenly, however, the mood of the music changed and the air filled with anticipation. Everyone was like: “Make space, the holy one is coming.” And then some sort of a green lighted railway appeared and a mighty chariot with some sort of god was carried to the place by stallions. Shortly after, more railways appeared and there were many representatives of these people from all directions. The place became a mess with railways going here and there and I was trying hard not to get hit by any horse or chariot.
After a while, everyone prepared for a ceremony, watching in anticipation the collection of gods (I suppose that was the mainstage during a breakdown). I somehow understood, that it is supposed to be a mystical mass of some kind in honor to the astral gods who gathered there. Somehow there was my friend explaining to me that with these gods, we as a humanity will finally be able to overcome our global problems, ecological, social, etc. and all come together into harmony. I was skeptical about that and thought that it was only an elaborate scene that everyone was just pretending to convert other people to their religion. At the same time, I admired their level of preparation – everyone was clothed in fancy green clothes, the ground was covered in dark green hexagonal tiles that randomly flashed bright green and everyone seemed to be in on the “ritual”.
Then (I suspect the music dropped) everyone rejoiced and somehow, I felt that the gods were giving us a kind of blessing. At first, I didn’t realize what it meant as I was still skeptical, but then somehow someone next to me made me realize that this is the real salvation, all you ever wished for in your dreams has really come true, the astral gods have blessed us and gave us “ascension”. I think I just laid or sat on the ground and felt intense connection with everything around me, accompanied by some crazy hallucinations all across my field of vision. I felt like – this is it, no more suffering, we are saved. I cried.
I am not completely sure it was that point, but around this time my connection to the real world started weakening. My experience was mostly defined by the music and lights coming from the stage – coming in waves where I got transported into completely different worlds and suddenly breaking out into reality for a couple moments, then drifting away again. I vaguely remember when some track was playing with vocals about someone dropping an “interdimensional screwdriver” or something – and I have been actually fixing some energy fluxes within a cosmic device, when I dropped that tool and couldn’t reach it. It was likely about that time that the experience started to turn bad.
One moment I was enjoying myself or being a part of another ritual, and then I snapped back into reality – I felt like everyone around me was playing jokes on me. I decided to go away from the stage, but moving was very hard, I could hardly control my legs and worse, I could not see reality very well. I think that at some points some people came to me to either stop me from going somewhere or help me – but to me it felt like the cops have arrived and were arresting me for some crime. This happened several times during the night.
Then, somehow, the really crazy part started. I lost contact with reality entirely, and I moved through visions of energetic flows and threads which were intertwined with different scenes from reality and my memories. This part is probably impossible to describe, but the underlying theme was that I have been in the position of some “decisionmaker” – like I was a god, or creator of the universe and was supposed to judge what is right and what’s wrong. I had visions of accidents, events, deeds and situations of different people and then I was to judge who was in the right. These decisions were not easy and after making each decision I have always been supplemented by another, opposing viewpoint, which went against my former decision. These were always like: “Are you sure?”
The decisions were mostly some quarrels between different people, but eventually the experience started to take more of a planetary dimension. My decisions seemed to eventually lead to differences between life and death. The choice of life was symbolized by everything lighting up in bright green color, while death was dark, full of burnt coals and taste of ashes. The decisions I made seemed to either point to the green life, or to the ugly black death – I tried desperately to make the right decisions to choose life, but no matter what I did, I was losing myself to the death part, visualized by ugly junkies, ashes and dirt.
From what my friends told me I understand that was the part when I was lying in the dirt next to another stage. My friend found me there and started to take care of me and that is when my experience changed into something different. At the time I couldn’t make much sense of what was going on, partly also because my perception of reality was not continuous – I could perceive things with a delay and my memories were mixing together with what was actually around me.
I began to sense around me these pillars of colorful light, or threads of some kind, going upwards from the ground all the way into the sky. I only partly realized it then, but now I know those were my friends – or their energies or something. This vision might have been influenced by Orson Scott Card’s books in the Ender’s Game series that I was reading – who describes “philotic threads” that are like souls each living being has, and sentient beings can have their threads connected with each other if they have some kind of strong connection.
Sensing and seeing these strands of energy, I tried to join with them, and become part of them, but it was difficult. My mind kept slipping and getting distracted with random thoughts and memories, with different people’s feelings and different situations I’ve seen throughout the night were popping in my head. I then tried to gather all the strands of energy into one pillar – the number of the strands was changing sometimes, but at one point I had 9 strands of energy with me – each of a different color and each somehow tied to a different person. As the sun was coming up, I tried to align the pillars and myself with the sun in a certain weird kind of ritual.
It seemed to me like the entire planet and all people depended on me to succeed in the ritual, as me deciding “Yes” to the connection would mean “Yes” to all life. At a certain point I felt like the being, the creator, at the beginning of our universe where there is no time
At a certain point I felt like the being, the creator, at the beginning of our universe where there is no time
– and I understood that no matter what kind of universe you create, it will eventually collapse on itself back into the start – so what’s the point? But I felt the presence of the other strands of energy, calling me, telling me to say “Yes”. I decided to say YES, go with them, choosing life, and I had a feeling of almost floating up within the pillar of energies. I then tried to move and align this pillar with the direction of the rising sun – and when I managed that, the sun’s energy strand joined with the others as the 10th energy in the pillar.
When this was done, my mission completed, I dropped down to the ground, panting, thirsty, exhausted. Suddenly, I regained most of my perception, like I would suddenly switch back into reality, and I could see and talk to people around me with sudden clarity – although I was still a little confused.
The most striking thing, however, was that the strands of energy were still there. They looked like pipes with around 30 cm in diameter, made from colored nets. They were rising up from the ground, from me and my friends, high up into the sky. The center strand remained at the site where I have performed the ritual, but I could still see it clearly few hundred meters away. I was chilling next to a fire then for some time and I could still see them, but then went to a tent to lay down for about two hours – after that they were gone.
A lot of other stuff happened during that experience which would be too hard to describe coherently, but it included some very uncomfortable true hallucinations, utter confusion, vomiting, etc. Certainly the setting was not good at all for an experience like this, with arguably most of the unpleasant stuff being caused by the “clashes” with my environment and other people. In any case, I have had higher doses of LSD, which were intense, but not nearly as mind-shattering and reality-defying as this. It may be that AL-LAD has a steeper dose-response curve, but I’d say that usually it should be less mind-heavy, so I don’t think that is the main reason for the magnitude of this experience. The 3-FPM and most notably alcohol were more likely to cause such a reaction. However, in my opinion, a considerable potentiating factor might have been the fact that at the time I was refraining from masturbation (if only for 10 days or so), which had filled me with energy that made me considerably more sensitive to emotions and feelings of all kind.
All in all, taking such a dose at that time and place was not smart at all, and I was lucky I wasn’t seriously hurt and that I had my friends there to help me and take care of me, for which I am really grateful.
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