Losing It All To Find Yourself
Cannabis, Alcohol & Cigarettes
by Half Chub
Citation:   Half Chub. "Losing It All To Find Yourself: An Experience with Cannabis, Alcohol & Cigarettes (exp115218)". Erowid.org. Feb 27, 2021. erowid.org/exp/115218

  smoked Cannabis  
    oral Alcohol - Beer/Wine  
    smoked Tobacco - Cigarettes (daily)

(Age at the time of writing this report: 29) I am a white male.

Although it doesn't seem like it's been that long, I have had an extensive history with substance abuse. It started with beer, Corona to be exact, I had snuck some from the fridge, when I was around 14 years old. Around that age, I was a frequent user of the then-active Megadeth forums, which were really quite fun, at the time. I remember spilling beer on my mom's laptop, that she used for work, I'm sure she wasn't pleased about that. The beer made me feel better, I guess. It's hard to recall exactly how it would've affected me at such an age. I remember talking to a girl on the phone while buzzed.

A year or two after drinking my first beer, a friend from school invited me over his house. This friend smoked weed on a regular basis. We smoked together a few times, but I wasn't getting high. This is not unheard of. However, one night, while I was at the friend's house, we smoked, and I did get high, and it was good for no more than a minute, then became extremely unpleasant. I was overwhelmingly high, and felt like I was losing control. I started to panic. My friend tried calming me down by getting me to eat something, but I wouldn't eat. He put me to bed in his room, and I spent what felt like an eternity shaking and having bizarre thoughts. I eventually fell asleep. I woke up feeling fine, and my friend teased me about what happened. I didn't smoke weed again for a few years after that.

When I was 19, I went to a party at my cousin's house, and smoked some weed. I had been drinking. This time, I did not freak out, and actually enjoyed the high. I remember being in my cousin's living room and thinking, “I feel like a potato chip”. My cousin made cheese and mustard sandwiches, uncooked, and I swear they tasted like grilled cheese sandwiches. I must've been cross-faded, because at some point, I went outside to the back patio and laid down on one of those long beach chairs. My cousin and my brother laughed at me. After the party, for the whole following Summer, I started smoking weed on my own, and with my brother, on a daily basis. Mostly mids because they're so cheap, but some chronic too.

About a year after that Summer, I had become maddeningly bored with my life, and decided to pick up smoking cigarettes. My weed smoking had become occasional by this point, due to paranoia about how weed was affecting my mental health. The first cigarettes I bought were Pall Mall menthol, which I still smoke to this day. They're the cheapest brand, and nowadays, I'm not made of money. Recent attempts at quitting have been unsuccessful.

I no longer smoke weed or drink, except for the occasional beer.

Exp Year: 2006-2021ExpID: 115218
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 29 
Published: Feb 27, 2021Views: 148
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Cannabis (1) : Various (28), Retrospective / Summary (11)

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