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Rebirth, Terrifying
by nogo
Citation:   nogo. "Rebirth, Terrifying: An Experience with 4-AcO-DMT & MDMA (exp115009)". Erowid.org. Dec 11, 2020. erowid.org/exp/115009

  repeated   MDMA  
  80 mg oral 4-AcO-DMT (powder / crystals)


[Erowid Note: The doses described in this report are potentially life threatening. The amount taken is beyond a heavy dose and could pose serious health risks or result in unwanted, extreme effects. Doses such as this have been known to cause hospitalizations and/or deaths. Sometimes extremely high doses reported are errors rather than actual doses used.]

Me and my friend took about 500mg of MDMA or more, from around 1am to 6am.
At about 7am we decided to take the 4ACODMT each, in 80mg bombs.

We started watching music videos on the laptop. I never took this substance before, but I was fairly experienced with psychedelics (acid shrooms 2cb dmt etc.). My friend initially told me he prepared a weak dose so I wasn't scared at all.

The visuals slowly started after 30 mins.

First sign was watching the curtains slightly turn into ghosts, my friend turning purple/green and looking like a clown with eyes all over his back. At this point he got a little scared and told me that he lied and put waaay too much in those bombs (told him to get me a little small bomb ~10mg, x8 times less). I still wasn't panicking, I thought I could handle it. He started literally glitching as in having a stroke-like effect. My main focus was trying to take care of him which kept me grounded.

I assume a few minutes later, my body was feeling very heavy, I started losing touch of gravity, it was like something was pulling me out of my body or dragging me into the ground. Literally turning the house upside down, walls spinning - room became like a spaceship. I could no longer understand the words the music was saying. I turned around to look at the walls, everything was purple and yellow, with dolphin-like/water shapes on the walls, slowly filling the room like an aquarium. It was a lot like after the DMT breakthrough, when you come back to the real world. Brand new furniture, mechanical-like fractals. Language was very hard to reproduce. Everything was looking very futuristic, especially the laptop, the speakers etc. It beyond hyperspace.

At about 1h in, I could no longer read the text on the laptop. It was a very "Androgen?" language, and I felt like technology was my only connection to the real world as I was stuck in this altered reality. Couldn't read letters, but I could read certain numbers like the hour on my phone. Songs in my playlist were suddenly saying "too much, too much". I tried changing the music but I couldn't figure out how to use the laptop. All I could do was press "J,K" on soundcloud.

My friend was laying on the bed face down, with a plate of food in his face. This is when things got weird. I thought he died, and the plate was the confirmation of a portal to another dimension, since I only had one plate of food and it suddenly duplicated (eventually I found out we had two plates, mind was playing tricks on me). The food looked old, rotten - making me believe this happened in the past, and I was him in the future. I tried waking him up a bunch of times, he only raised his head for about 2 seconds and then fell asleep again.

At this point I was convinced we were dead and stuck in a purgatory. The time was 10AM. I was praying to God to get me out of this state, I believe this played a major role in the trip. I kept asking myself "7 hours??" while thinking about my loved ones and how would my life be like stuck forever in this dimension. I kept telling myself "this is all in my head".

Started walking around the house, amazed of how beautiful everything looked. But I couldn't enjoy it for too long because the "IT" kept pulling me out of my body, blacking out. It was like something was cutting my life and kept teleporting me in all these different dimensions. I was in the same universe though. Everything looked different every time I blacked out, but the time remained the same: 10:50AM, or so it seemed. I just wanted to sleep. Things didn't make any sense. After dying so many times, life had no purpose. Nobody cared about my existence. An endless nothingness.

It was just me and my passed out friend that was laying on the bed. Felt like I was stuck in this for about two days already. Just needed to talk to somebody to assure me this was real and it was going to end.

My friend woke up and threw up all over the walls. I didn't think this was real.
I tried helping him get up, and as soon as our hands touched, it felt like we were morphing together, hearing this "zoop" sound and everything around got black for a second. Like the hands were the light at the end of the tunnel. I then thought I would eventually become him, seeing every move I was making, he was making. Got even more scared, as my friend kept saying "it's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright". But I didn't recognize him as he was. No emotion in his eyes. Just mumbling things that made little to no sense.

I told him "we're in this together" and we hit the bro fist. Decided exploring different parts of the house - my friend couldn't really walk. When he wasn't laughing like a maniac, he was acting like a little child. I kept asking if he ever did this 4acodmt before, he said yes. I just couldn't believe it. I almost broke down crying while he was repeating "it's gonna be alright, it will all end. Time is passing. Why don't you enjoy this while it lasts? It's for the greater good".

The only one that could assure me I was in real life was my friend upstairs, which I was afraid to wake up. I wasn't sure if I would block him in this altered reality, or if he would even exist here. So we just sat there waiting for this to end. It was like the gates of hell but we weren't going anywhere. Infinite looping.

At about 12AM, my friend upstairs woke up and he was the one that saved me from this. He assured me this was real, calmed me down, and I felt like I switched the server. There was hope again. Things slowly started making sense, and I felt like I was passed some sort of technology, information, that I just couldn't grasp. I just knew I had it in me, like deep down my DNA was modified. Almost a superhuman type feeling. Or an Avatar, DMT spirit/elf. I felt like I was a warrior and won this mind battle. When I went for a piss, I was tripping so hard I thought I peed all over myself and wet my shoes. Like, a swimming, swamp type wet. I kept trying to tell my friend that "This chemical should be.. (the word "researched") more, but I couldn't remember how it was pronounced. Had a little bit of speech impairment for the next few hours.

My friend was still very lost, he kept saying "I can cook, I can wash clothes.." "work out", "wanna drink?" I asked him if he remembers everything about the trip and he said "not really, what happened?". Again, I just felt like the person in front of me wasn't him anymore. I imagine this was very traumatizing and my main concern is him coming back. This happened last night.

Almost like I was born again, convinced I died and woke up in this new reality - my friend took us for drive around town, and everything was amazing, the sun felt so warm and the buildings were blooming in these brand new textures. Almost utopic, dystopian. It was a whole new reality. I was seeing glass instead of air - like a major Cyber glitch, the universe was one big screen and I was the main character landing in this game to play it (somehow comparing it to the "Truman Show"). I was sure I had broken the Matrix. If it wasn't for my friend upstairs..

Still can't believe how much this little powder fucked with my mind.. I believe this is a very powerful technology with a good intention set beforehand.

If I remember anything else, I'll make sure to come back. Wrote this so I won't forget, and maybe help other people along the way.

This experience was the most terrifying and amazing experience of my life. I'm grateful to be alive.

Exp Year: 2020ExpID: 115009
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 22 
Published: Dec 11, 2020Views: 1,531
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MDMA (3), 4-AcO-DMT (387) : Difficult Experiences (5), Bad Trips (6), Mystical Experiences (9), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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