Amanitas - A. muscaria
Citation: shulgin96. "Deconstructing Consciousness: An Experience with Amanitas - A. muscaria (exp114965)". Erowid.org. Jun 3, 2021. erowid.org/exp/114965
Before I start this experience report I want to give some background on my mindset going into this trip.
I have been on fluoxetine for almost a year right now (20mg/daily) and have been trying to avoid psychedelics that interact with the serotoninergic system to avoid any kind of interactions/possible lack of effects. Still looking for a psychedelic experience I became interested in compounds with a different pharmacological profile, but still known to cause psychedelic states. One of them was muscimol, who is thought to be a GABA agonist. I obtained some Amanita dried cap sometime ago but was reluctant to try it, due to the side toxic effects from ibotenic acids and other compounds in the plant.
I have always been scared of strong psychedelic experiences which could leave me in that state forever, and this probably impacted my trip.
Recently I was able to get some pure muscimol and decided to try it on a camping trip to the desert. My initial plan was to consume 15mg orally. After setting up our tents, my friends consumed LSD and started tripping but I decided to wait. After eating some food, I proceeded to consume 15 mg (around 3pm).
Couldn't feel anything after an hour, maybe some mild alteration of sensory perception and balance but nothing significant. As I went back to our camp site, I decided to finish the rest of muscimol, for a total of 25mg. Only 5 minutes after re-dosing I started feeling a strong loss of balance and vertigo - everything around me was moving. As I entered this state, I started talking about consciousness, and about how, muscimol being a non-classical psychedelic would allow me to actually delve into the mechanism of consciousness, since it would leave the serotoninergic circuits supposedly responsible for self-awareness intact. This is the last moment I remember where I could have some coherent exchange of information with my environment.
My friends report that after this I lost consciousness and was in a sleep-like state where I was moving around aimlessly, falling on bushes and mumbling incoherent stuff.
What I experienced during the next 5 hours felt like an eternity. Once I started thinking about consciousness, I was able to deconstruct it and was left with what I assume was ego death. I saw myself as this faintly defined entity who was looking at the universe from far way, trying to decide a point to exist. It was at this moment that I became scared about not being able to regain existence in the same plane I had been existing before, and also the moment where I started trying to rush back to myself from that deconstructed state. The panic made go in circles where I was trying to regain consciousness but failed and reached the ego death state again. I forgot how long this went on for. At some point my friends tried to move me back to the car since I was screaming, but the act of moving me made that circle worse and I really thought I was dead.
There was also a lot of twitching. This went on for about 5 hours, and around 8pm, I regained consciousness and started being able to interact with my environment, even-though I was incredibly disoriented. The first moment I recall coming back I was able to talk to my friends but it felt like I was still inside the dream, just communicating with them through the dream and telling them I needed to complete another cycle to come back.
Around 11pm I was able to talk about the experience and was feeling good, but I didn't get much sleep that night.
2 days after the experience I can feel some lingering effects probably due to the intensity of the intoxication but I am happy that I was able to go through that and make it. I am not sure if taking the rest of the 25mg had any effect or if the onset of my experience was due to the initial 15mg and redosing only extended the duration.
I am currently not willing to try muscimol again but I am curious about the potential this compound could have if the intensity of the trip was reduced and one could actually control the direction and content of the lucid dreams.
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