Citation: Nov3. "A Way Through the Wall: An Experience with Ketamine & DMT (exp114895)". Erowid.org. Nov 5, 2020. erowid.org/exp/114895
| T+ 0:05
DOSE / SUBSTANCE: 180mg Ketamine (IM), 3 tokes on 1000mg/2ml DMT vape liquid.
SETTING: Spare room of my flat, on sofa with weighted blanket and Mindfold.
SET: Feeling positing, although somewhat ďstuckĒ in negative thought patterns. Iíve been feeling too anxious to take the plunge with a longer-acting psychelelic.
Iíve had a variety of drug experiences, having misused stimulants for a number of years, dabbled in most other things, and had experience with most conventional and Shulgin-esque psychedelics. Tryptamines are the one thing Iíd consider a sacrament opposed to a drug and Iíve only ever used them occasionally (2-4 times a year for personal development).
Iíd recently moved back to my home town, initially to start my final Diploma to become a therapist, however I dropped out of the course early on as I felt the need to ďget my own house in orderĒ before trying to help other people. In the following months Iíd been working a job which involves helping people but isnít what I truly envision myself doing. The pay has allowed me to live comfortably Ė but I now found myself in a small town in which I no longer know many people, not doing the course I hoped to do, and living on my own for the first time. I had been feeling in limbo for some months.
During these months I had been using the money I had saved for the course to pursue personal therapy, and although this had been of use in relation to being more open and connected with those I care for, I feel Iíd kind of hit a spiritual brick wall. I found myself using destructive drugs, binge watching TV and just generally trying to seep and much time away as possible.
I donít particularly like DMT and I find the come-up unpleasant and the experience usually too surreal to learn much from. Ketamine I find useful but the insights and usually fleeting and donít generally last longer than the experience itself. However, in my current situation I was feeling too anxious to take anything longer lasting as I had not tripped properly in a while, and I had both of these substances on hand. I also felt the need for a short but strong dose to break through the mental barrier I felt up against.
T+0:00 Ė I IM the 180mg Ketamine, and put on a soundtrack which had Northern European shamanic themes.
T+0:05 Ė I wait till I can feel the initial effects of the Ketamine in my system and then take 3 long tokes on my DMT vape (3x 20mg DMT apx.) at a fairly low wattage to avoid coughing and having that generally unpleasant taste in my mouth.
T+0:10 Ė I pull the blindfold over my eyes as I feel myself transition into the DMT state, and pull the weighed blanket put to my neck before I begin to fall through the sofa as often happens when I K-hole.
T+till I come round 20 mins later Ė I fall into darkness, Iím merged with the soft fabric of whatever world Iíve fallen into, Iím not human or beingÖ in fact I feel like part of the wall of this world. Yet somehow the wall is moving and as I move with it I transition through different textures and materials. Some entities appear in the opposite walls to me and show me intricate machines behind the fabrics of which Iím now a part. We communicate telepathically, but the emphasis is on how these entities have been hard at work ensuring everything runs smoothly behind the scenes, whilst I have been dwindling (even wishing) my life away with time-wasting and harmful patterns of behaviour. Itís time to take things seriously they say (or, itís time to pull youíre finger out of your arse! As weíd say in the UK).
T+0:30 Ė As I come round things are somewhat hazy and although I got the general emphasis of what happened, I didnít quite ďunderstand itĒ.
The next day I reflected on the experience of the night before, taking a small short toke of the DMT vape and a low dose of Ketamine. I rolled around in bed, in awe of the world around me Ė thankful to be a part of this time and place.
Later that day I cycled to the local Gym and joined up, going for my first jog / doing my first exercise since lock-down begun. I later contacted a Personal Trainer, which Iíd been putting off for as long as I can remember. I now have my first session booked in with him.
I used to think the DMT experience was too surreal to gain any useful insight, but perhaps I was wrong. I donít know how long this positive outlook will last, but I do know itís down to me to put the effort in to maintain it. Hereís to a brighter future beyond the wall.
A Few Days Later
Iíve still been encountering the ďMonkey MindĒ and distractions are still a part of life, yet Iíve been more able to focus as single tasks at hand (reading again is one of the main things Iíd been neglecting and seemed to be having an aversion to). Hopefully itís onwards and upwards from here.
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