Citation: Roquentin. "Controlled by Own Subconscious/Unconscious Self: An Experience with LSD & Cannabis (exp114881)". Erowid.org. Nov 3, 2020. erowid.org/exp/114881
| T+ 8:00
I was on acid, around 300ug, walked around the city for a bit, listened to music then went back home. I've done this perhaps 15-20 times in the past 6 years or so, sometimes at doses up to 800ug (a completely different experience to what I shall describe here). This was a fairly normal dose for me however, my vision wasn't obscured, I was capable of typing, speaking, understanding other people, etc.
I got home about 8 hours in, I felt like it was fading somewhat and was somewhat tired. So I smoked a single bowl of weed, it wasn't the strongest weed and I often smoke weed on acid, it intensifies the experience but what happened here was otherworldly. I started to get a little bit paranoid, hearing voices coming from outside my window, this has happened before when I was extremely sleep deprived and smoked a heap of strong weed
this has happened before when I was extremely sleep deprived and smoked a heap of strong weed
. I tried ignoring it but couldn't, even walked outside down the street to confirm that they weren't next door but following me, always out of reach. Having realized I was just hallucinating them I went back to my room to try and calm down. 30 minutes or so had passed since I had smoked.
I opened a word document, within one sentence I instantly felt chills run down my spine and something plug itself in. The screen glowed with an insane neon surge, changing colours, the words themselves jumping out at me. I knew that something was controlling me. I felt myself in the backseat, something was on the forefront of my mind, yet I was simultaneously aware of it (aware as in of its basic thought processes) and my own mind. It was speaking to me, yet something was inaccessible. The entire room changed, my guitars seemed to be living, the fender logo was swirling outwards as flowers across the walls.
The entity forced me to type, it loved the experience as it had never experienced it before. It was my subconscious, it referred to itself as the Id but when I said that may be wrong it simply told me to write, fully capitalized ''FUCK SIGMUND FREUD LOL'.
What was previously rather dull, became insane, the entire room pulsated and with each surge of emotion it intensified further. Visuals were directly linked to thoughts, the text seemed like wordart even when I typed certain phrases.
I stepped away to get a drink of water and I could feel tendrils following me, they tapped me on the shoulder even to force me to return. I felt some strange feeling in my spine again, as if they were directly controlling it once I touched the keyboard. In retrospect I felt it at the C7-C8 level of the spine - responsible for hand movement. It kept dropping revelations, some were impossible to type and it taunted me by dangling them just out of my mind, only for them to disappear once I tried to formulate them coherently.
I study science and have literal paranormal beliefs. That being said I am skeptical of practically everything and the human mind is by no means understood fully. I believe my subconsciousness was somehow brought to my awareness, that dormant part that controls you during life or death circumstances, that guides you away from bad habits, decides what you want to eat before you make a conscious decision, consolidates memory and builds decisions on various matters whilst you are otherwise occupied. I've felt that take over before, you aren't fully aware of it but your body reacts during danger, part sympathetic nervous system, part instinct, part something entirely different. It's what makes you dance automatically, makes you kiss properly without even thinking of it.
It was out however, and was somewhat mad at me for depriving it, and the rest of my body, of proper sustenance. It wiped out my mind at one point, the normal me seemed stupid in its awe of this experience, and I recall a maniacal sense of glee in calling it cringe (as my subconscious). It knew we were one and the same however.
Ultimately it made me promise to get a job, to gain weight as I was appallingly skinny (I felt my stomach/intestines relay a message saying that they weren't happy, and thus I wouldn't be), I felt every single part of me so normally neglected by my self destructive ego call out and demand change.
I felt every single part of me so normally neglected by my self destructive ego call out and demand change.
It's been a year since, I've gained 12 kilos, have decently defined muscles, have a job that I love, and haven't cut myself since. That last part wasn't even a conscious decision on my behalf, I simply have not had the urge. I feel like crying writing this, but truly it just made me realise how important it was for the conscious self and the body to be conjoined, in a proper functioning relationship. The mind cannot be happy otherwise.
I experienced possession a few more times, each time I was guided towards improving myself, though was fucked with often (they told me that CAPTCHA was part of an interdimensional psychedelic network on the internet). At one point they masqueraded as a collective consciousness formed by psychedelic users on the internet (perhaps it was that masquerading as my subconsciousness lol), similar to serial experiments lain.
The last time it happened, I smoked a heap of weed and got too high, whilst at first they wanted to fuck me with (read: I wanted to fuck with my ego), they then decided that it was for the best if they guided me towards watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force whilst taking a backseat role - they could tell I was too anxious and that it wasn't the time or place ( I had work the next day).
Lesson one: you control your own reality. I had been hearing paranoid voices just prior to this, with a muted sensory experience, now I was euphoric and truly enjoying myself. I've since been able to control my trips a whole lot better.
Overall this experience has not just encouraged me to improve my life, but research the manner by which LSD exerts increased connectivity between certain regions of the brain, and way in which synesthesia is produced.
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