Citation: DeStuert. "My First Bad Trip - I Didn't Weight It Out: An Experience with 4-HO-MET (exp114777)". Erowid.org. Sep 16, 2020. erowid.org/exp/114777
Two samples of powder (even of the same chemical) with equivalent volumes won't necessarily weigh the same. For this reason, eyeballing is an inaccurate and potentially dangerous method of measuring, particularly for substances that are active in very small amounts.
See this article on The Importance of Measured Doses.]
||(powder / crystals)
This was my first ever “bad trip”. It all started when I was hanging out with my friend at his house. We were both extremely bored, so I decided we could go pick up the 4-HO-MET I had ordered a few days prior from my house. I had heard that it wasn’t really a heavy mindset and mostly just visuals. So a tiny bump couldn’t hurt. I decided to insufflate it so I would be in the comedown when I got home.
Back on our way to my friend’s house, I took a bump using my friend’s knife that he had with him. It hit me when we were in his room. I felt euphoric and saw intense visuals. Every surface now had beautiful repeating mayan architecture type patterns. I also saw patterns reminiscent of Google’s “Deep dream” with shapes that looked like animals in things like my friend’s wooden floor. It was wonderful. Then my mom called.
She asked if I would be home soon for dinner. I said I was coming.
This is when I started to panic. I could never act sober in my state of mind. My thoughts were rushing and I was trying to think of a solution quickly. My friend tried to help by saying “man just eat, it’s not hard!” I wanted to tell my mom I was having dinner at my friend’s but figured she would never believe that, since we were eating pancakes (which I love).
I went downstairs to go put on my shoes. It took me a long time to get them on which I thought was funny, but when I looked at my friend, he wasn’t laughing. I guess he wanted me to be quiet because his dad was home and he didn’t want him to know we were on drugs.
I jumped on my bike (extremely irresponsible, I know, but I thought I was lucid enough and it wasn’t really a busy neighbourhood) and drove home. Driving my bike felt nice, it was good feeling the cool air against my face. I got home safely and put my bike away. I felt extreme dread to go speak with my parents. My dad was in the kitchen, making the pancakes. I sat down and my mom asked me where we had been (I had told her we had gone cycling). I told her something along the lines of “oh, you know, just the forest”. She then asked “which forest?” I said I didn’t know what it was called. Then I got my pancake, but I had no appetite at all. I started eating but immediately felt like I was full. Halfway through the pancake I decided I shouldn’t eat more or I might actually throw up.
I had to make up an excuse. There was no way I wouldn’t be hungry in normal circumstances. What was a normal thing to say in this situation? I couldn’t think of anything. It was like my thoughts were racing so fast that I couldn’t read a single one.
I then thought “I should stop telling all these lies” and decided to tell my parents the truth. For whatever reason I thought they might even find it funny. So I told them.
My father, brother and mother were all baffled. My mother just stared at me which made me feel extremely uncomfortable. She then told me in a furious tone to go to my room which I was kind of happy with.
As I walked up the stairs I could kind of hear some kind of music that would be played if this would be a film.
I went to go lie on my bed, and this is when hell broke loose. I felt like everyone in the world hated me for what I had done. I had lied to my parents; broken their trust. They would never let me do anything by myself ever again. They would cancel my appliance for the university I wanted to go to. They would never let me see my friend again. They would search my room for more drugs. They might even kick me out on the street.
I decided to look for some help online. I was in a WhatsApp group for dutch psychedelic enthusiasts and figured they would know what to do, so I went in there and told them what had happened. I just received a bunch of F’s. I thought nobody wanted to help me, until I received a personal message. It was one of the moderators of the group chat. She told me exactly what I needed to hear. Everything was going to be fine, my parents still loved me. She told me to watch a nature documentary to remind myself that we are all just animals part of a food chain. This didn’t really help that much, but at least I wasn’t convinced anymore that everyone hated me. I still knew my parents were mad at me though, so that still caused some stress. I decided to take 0,5mg of flualprazolam as a trip killer. This only helped a little bit. It just kind of numbed my emotions, much like it did when I took it on its own. It didn’t lessen the visuals nor the speed my thoughts were going at.
After a while, my dad came up to my room to bring me some tea. This was right at the moment I wanted to come down and try to justify things with my parents. My dad guided me down the stairs as if I was paraplegic. My mom was surprised to see me. I sat down on the couch and started eating my biscuit. I don’t remember much of the conversation we had, pretty much only that my mom said she was pissed at me and indeed wanted to cancel my appliance for the school. After the lecture, my mom asked me what I wanted to do now. I said I just wanted to watch TV with them, since this was tradition for the evening in our household. We were working our way through Breaking Bad at the time, but my parents both decided that that wasn’t such a good idea to watch. So we just settled with a program about some people buying a house in France and turning it into a bed & breakfast. This is when I finally got to calm down some. After the program my brother and father went upstairs and my mom wanted to talk with me. I sat next to her and she told me she wasn’t so mad anymore. I guess she had been thinking a lot during the program. She asked me what I was feeling, but I didn’t feel anything anymore due to the flualprazolam. After we hugged, I went to bed. The visuals were still extremely noticeable; every light source in my dark room appeared to have some kind of halo around it, and if I moved my head while looking at one it would leave a trail that would still be visible minutes later, especially with my eyes closed. I cried myself to sleep that night.
The next morning my mom wanted to have another talk. This time I could actually respond with feeling though, since the benzo had left my brain at this point. I cried in her arms like a child, and told her I had the most terrifying experience last night. My mom said it was a normal thing for a teen to do these types of things, which comforted me.
I swore to never touch any drug ever again until my 18th birthday to both my mom and myself.
Looking at the effects I experienced, I probably took close to 30 mg, but since I didn't weigh it out, I don't really know. I made so many mistakes.
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