Citation: hermannheroin. "A Slippery Slope: An Experience with Alprazolam, Alcohol & 2-Fluorodeschloroketamine (exp114574)". Erowid.org. Jul 15, 2020. erowid.org/exp/114574
||Pharms - Alprazolam
||(pill / tablet)
| T+ 0:40
||Alcohol - Hard
| T+ 1:00
||(powder / crystals)
| T+ 1:20
||(powder / crystals)
I want to start this report by saying that I have no concrete memory of large portions of my experience
I have no concrete memory of large portions of my experience
, so the timestamps are just rough estimates. The Alprazolam that is talked about in this report came in small blue tablets made by some eastern european manufacturer. One tablet contained 1mg Alprazolam.
It all started when I found a leftover Xanax in my wallet, which was one of a couple of tablets that a friend of mine and I had ordered a few years ago on the darknet, and that I'd completely forgotten about. This was during the Corona-Lockdown, so I was not allowed to see anyone, being that I live alone. And since it was only one pill - so not enough to share anyway - I just took it while mentally settling in for a relaxed evening.
As I mentioned it was a leftover from a larger batch, so that meant that I already had some experience with this drug. Having already experienced the effects before, I should have known what I was in for, but because it had been some time since I had last taken it, I had forgotten how violently Xanax can drive down my inhibitions.
You can imagine the setting like this: me at my desk in my tiny european apartment in a larger, rather wealthy city, on my computer, and ready for a chilled evening, watching some movies. At first everything went exactly like planned. I took the pill and started doing some stuff on my computer. I'm not quite sure what I was doing, but it was something like reading trip reports and wikipedia articles or the likes.
I remember thinking that I was not feeling any of the effects yet, and this had to have been around half an hour after I ingested it.
Since it was the last pill and I remembered my past experiences with this drug rather fondly, I was kind of disappointed about its weak effect, which, a couple of minutes later, still did not amount to more than a slight relaxation.
That was when I decided that I should drink a small glass of alcohol to increase the effects of the alprazolam. (Since Xanax was rather hard to come by for me when this took place, the idea was to not waste the rare opportunity by just letting it fizzle out into something boring.) Right at this moment I should have known that I was actually feeling more of the effects than I cared to admit, because otherwise I would not have considered to mix drugs that are, if at all, well known for one thing: for being dangerous when combined.
Not that I never thought about combining the two. In fact something similar happened to me about a year before, with a friend of mine. We just completely let go of all inhibitions and drank about two beers (0.5 litres per beer with 5.0 volume percent alcohol) after each taking about two and a half pills, in spite of the explicit agreement we had beforehand to not drink alcohol when taking the pills.
So what I'm trying to get at here is this: It was a known danger I should have been able to avoid, and I should have been especially cautious about it when being alone. Still the drug overpowered me and I did not even notice it in my ignorance. So before I continue: Let this be a lesson to you, to never underestimate/ be careless with benzos and drugs in general, because what will follow could have easily ended very badly for me.
So let's continue: about twenty minutes and half the glass of alcohol (I prepared myself a rather light white russian) later I felt quite inebriated, a state that I would not have expected to result from the, what one might call, "conservative dosing" I did. But since that didn't seem to quench my thirst for sedation I, against all the good resolutions I vowed to abide by while I was sober, took out the 2-Flourodeschloroketamine I had recently purchased, and prepared myself a line of 40mg. (This measurement is fairly accurate, because I remember weighing it)
After insufflating the 40mg my memory gets kind of blurry. From the notes I took I know that I redosed with 20mg every half an hour or forty minutes until I had taken about 120mg in sum. It could be that I took more than that and just stopped writing it down, but all I can do is speculate. The things that I do remember hint at the weird state I was in. I was under the illusion of still being able to think normally but in retrospect I know that this was not the case.
I was under the illusion of still being able to think normally but in retrospect I know that this was not the case.
While I was still relatively sober (at least I thought so) I remember setting up a VPN account and downloading TOR Browser to access the black markets on the darknet.
At this point I was really hyped up, but the hype was confined to my thoughts, while my body was very relaxed. It was almost kind of a manic state that expressed itself in a heightened fascination with drugs, and I believe that is the reason I so desperately wanted to browse marketplaces on the darknet. This might seem weird to readers who access the darknet regularly, but for me this was almost completely new. Even though a friend and I had ordered from the darknet before, I had never actually accessed it myself and would probably not do so without a good reason while being sober, due to me being to paranoid and not knowing enough about it. I am very glad that I did not do anything irreversible, like telling any of those sites my address in an attempt to order something.
The effect benzos and ketamine have on me is very weird in a way, that if I do not take large quantities, I could almost not notice the drug impairing/changing my thinking. Of course I feel altered, but sometimes I might be completely oblivious to some of the effects it has on me, even though I know relatively well what it is supposed to do. And it is not like I just have a naturally high tolerance or something, once I'm normal again I tend to notice large differences, even at low doses. It just creeps up on me and I don't notice, even though I am normally rather perceptive.
This is kind of treacherous because I still possess the ability to think clearly in some way, I just do not think in the same patterns as I normally would. It is not like alcohol, where most people can not think straight when they are really drunk, it always has this false sense of clarity with it that makes me feel like I could very well still be sober, when I'm actually high out of my mind. But I digress...
As the evening continues everything just gets blurrier. One of the next things I remember is me lying on my bed at around 1am to 3am and watching pulp fiction. Around this time there were a couple of moments where I felt as if I was ready to die, it was a very peaceful feeling. (Not ready to die as in actually thinking I was going to die, just peacefully aware that the combination of drugs I was on is not known to be very safe and that I was alone in my Appartment with no one near who would notice, if I just passed out or sth. similar) I was not anxious at all even though I have previously been scared to die. Maybe this was the effect of the Xanax. My bodily sensations were limited to a general warm buzzing and a nice heavy feeling. Nothing special.
While watching the movie I was joyfully relating to the female character snorting cocaine, since it reminded me of my use of 2-Fluorodeschloroketamine over the course of the evening. Due to my "being able to relate" and my continued use of 2-Fluorodeschloroketamine I somehow felt very connected with the movie, and I remember a period of time (probably 20 minutes or so) in which I was alternating between the real world and the fictional world of pulp fiction. For minutes at a time I felt as if I was part of the movie, being right next to the guy with the ponytail and the girl.
I also remember one particular image quite well, I think it was kind of etched into my memory, because I tried to consciously memorize it at the time. I was looking at an LED strip that is mounted under my window sill, and all I saw was a colourful, slithering snake. It was not so much psychedelic as it was distorted. What's interesting, is what I would have seen normally. The drugs not only distorted the image, but also focused on a really small portion of my field of vision. Where I would have normally seen my window, and my PC which make up ca. 80% percent of what I see when I look at the thin LED Strip, I just saw the brightly slithering, colourful LED Snake in front of a, so to say, blank space. In my memory I see a literal blank space, but I believe what I perceived was just the absence of everything else.
These experiences lead me to believe that I was coming close to the K-hole, and I actually remember purposely going for it towards the end of the trip. Unfortunately I started to feel sick right about the time I saw the LED Snake, so I decided to quit redosing and go to sleep. I drank a couple of glasses of water and went to lie down. I had to fight nausea for around ten minutes, but was able to sleep after this.
The next day I awoke well rested. The only thing I noticed about my sleep, that was not normal was that I had seemed to have night sweats, something that is not common for me, and was definitely caused by the drugs, since the climate was rather mild at the time of the experience.
I know how dangerous this was. Even though I feel I did not dose high enough for it to be really life threatening, I know mixing depressants is dangerous and should not be done. Had my inhibitions not been driven down by the Xanax I would not have done it, and I hope this report may serve as a warning for those who consider taking the drugs involved here.
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