Citation: cloned2bewild. "The Thunder Within: An Experience with LSD (exp114573)". Erowid.org. Jul 12, 2020. erowid.org/exp/114573
This is the first trip report that I am writing. To start with I would like to give a bit of a background. I am 36 years old and have had quite some experience with cannabis and well of course alcohol. I was planning to take acid once before I turn 40 years and had that in mind for a long time. I always wanted to wait for the right moment and this year on my 36th birthday I decided that I feel grounded, stable and safe in my own personality that I was sure that I could handle this powerful substance.
I feel grounded, stable and safe in my own personality that I was sure that I could handle this powerful substance.
I have a long-term history of meditation, mindfulness and bodywork practice that I knew would help me. During meditation I experienced all kind of altered states so I had a certain confidence that I could handle the situation.
I planned my trip with a very good friend of mine that I share a lot of deep talk with over important philosophical and psychological topics that relate to us as society and humans. He came over to my house on Friday midday. I had arranged a place for him to sleep later on and had pre-cooked a light dinner that we could just reheat. Also we had prepared a few easy things to eat like fruits, nuts, chocolate, juice and Moroccan mint tea, all to bring to a remote city park with a bit of a wild patch nearby my house. We diluted the tabs (roughly 170 mcg in total) in distilled water and drank each the half of it with a syringe. I thought that in between 80-90 mcg would be a great dose for a beginner. My friend had tripped already a few times before that. We got the LSD from a friend of my friend who is a dealer also and provided us with some very fresh acid. The blotter was just prepared a couple of days earlier and we stored the tabs in the fridge. We kicked at 1:00pm.
On the way to the park, that was half an hour walk through the neighbourhood, I started to feel a bit of the onset already. The first moment I recognized something was a child on a swing. There was something weird going on, hard to describe but it seemed as if the swing would have been pinned down whilst in the air. As if painted. We walked further and arrived at the park. As we didn’t feel like stopping to move already we walked through a little forest bit for a moment. I started to realize that my body feels different. As I was walking my body was feeling lighter and lighter and I could sense that I started to look at the trees and was fascinated by the structures. My friend and I laughed a lot about faces and grimaces that we could see the tree trunks. We walked further and I started to feel a bit disoriented, I think we started to walk in circles a bit as there was a guy that had crossed our way three times, we joked about how he is doing that thing with the teleportation. My body proportions started to feel different. It felt my arms and legs would extend and shrink and if my body could morph and change its shape. At one point we sat down on a bench, because our legs started to feel heavy and tired. We started to walk like two old men. At the point the first visuals started to kick in and the ground was breathing and bending slightly.
We decided that we want an open green space and went to that bit of the park where there is a huge meadow that looked like a prairie with little crests and trees. The walk over seemed like a whole journey. My body at this point started to feel entirely different and I could sense the edges around my body sensations dissolving into the space around me. We sat down under a nice tree and spread our blanket and started to listen to some nice trippy music. I remember when I first lay down and stared into the sun-filled clouds they started to dance. I could see at least four to six different layers to the cloud which looked hyper-real as if I could immediately touch or feel them. At one point there was something that I can only describe as a thunder inside of me: A deep sensation like someone hitting a huge gong next to my chest. An earthquake to my consciousness. It seemed to have to do with the epic clouds over us. It felt like something enormous was going on. Life was getting at me with all its beauty. I couldn’t stop laughing and smiling. In the meanwhile it was all too precious to believe that I usually oversee all of that in my everyday life. In the meanwhile my friend was fascinated by a peach that he brought. He was touching and massaging the peach and staring at it with amazement. He handed me the peach, I looked at its surface and it was like staring into cosmic glass sphere. The peach became the universe itself, it contained everything and yet was contained by everything, pretty difficult to explain with words. I guess that’s what fractals mean, you zoom in, but if you zoom in deep enough you return to the point where you started. We couldn’t stop giggling like little children. It was beautiful.
The visuals started to get stronger and stronger, if I would rest my eyes on the other side of the park, the lawn started to create ripples and horizontally and at the same time started to zoom in and out constantly. The interesting part was, the second I used my will power to concentrate I could still have formal-logical thinking. At one point a girl came around and asked for directions and I was amazed how easily I could still focus on that. I started to be flooded by deep feelings of love, for myself, my friend, the people around me and all of existence, I could sense that my ego was something I could let go of but I felt I would only allow that to a certain extend. I can imagine on higher doses (> 150 mcg) you don’t have that choice anymore. We were lying there in the park, as if it was Garden Eden. Life seemed so abundant. Time had kind of lost its use and I was very grateful for my life. There was a deep trust that everything is fine as it is and that this process of constant creation of the universe will never end. That gave me a certain peace. My breathing felt so amazing. I let my belly pop out entirely. I realized how much I keep it in. I’m quite slim, so there are no aesthetic reasons behind that, I just realized I keep it in because of shame in my everyday life.
My breathing felt so amazing. I let my belly pop out entirely. I realized how much I keep it in. I’m quite slim, so there are no aesthetic reasons behind that, I just realized I keep it in because of shame in my everyday life.
I allowed it to pop out like a melon. Such a liberation. My breathing felt as if a whole galaxy of things being created while inhaling and letting go and dissolve again while exhaling. At this point my feeling of love and grace just flooded me and I thought: “If I can only take a bit from that in my day to day I will leave this trip as a rich man”.
At one point there started to be waves of intensity, shocking and rippling through me. I felt I’m wired into reality. I can never escape life, that I am embedded in this universe and that my usual sense of separation is on a different level of consciousness just a delusion. I realized how much and instantly I was actually touched by everything that happens around me. A dog passing by and me just absorbing its friendly and joyous vibes that it radiated, the sadness when he left and the acceptance that there will be something new arriving on my horizon of manifestation. In between it felt like too much to take, but deep breathing helped a lot to clear and let go. I had a few moments only during the peak where I felt like: “What’s happening if this never ends?”. From everything that I have read I decided that I don’t want to go down that road and that worked very well. I thought: “Wow! Life is really what you make out of it”. As a thought it doesn’t seem very deep, but all of those experiences felt like an irrefutable truth to me at the time.
I looked at my skin and I could see so many layers of tissue that I have never seen before. Over my skin there was shimmer and movement going on that looked like life energy flowing over me. The animal, vital side of me became so pronounced. I could feel life deep inside of my core and spend some time with closed eyes. The music just bounced inside of fractal structures morphing to the sound of the music. Little nuances in the music immediately changed the structures inside my mind. At times it felt as if the music was poking and teasing my cortex. My brain felt like sparkling fireworks. Me and my friend would hold our hands close to each others like maybe ten centimetres apart and it seemed as if I could let my energy system and his interact with one another. I am a very skeptical person with a big scientific mind but under the influence of the acid I felt as if reincarnation, chakras, etc. would be no esoteric gibber, it seemed as if those are real structures of life.
I am a very skeptical person with a big scientific mind but under the influence of the acid I felt as if reincarnation, chakras, etc. would be no esoteric gibber, it seemed as if those are real structures of life.
At one point the wavy movement turned its direction. I remember the first moment of soberness, that felt like falling into a pit, only to be picked up again by another smaller wave. I could sense we were on the decline again.
My friend and I started to be able to speak again more. It was not that we couldn’t have talked, it would have still been possible at all times, it was just that it felt that by trying to really put those experiences into words we would diminish them. Formal-logical thinking seemed from this position as an anchor to the reality as I know it, but I could also see how limiting, yet necessary it is for the society and structures have had build. After some writing and sketching and slowly coming back, my friend and I decided that we started to be really hungry. We packed our things and went back to my apartment. The idea of a crowded street seemed to be manageable again.
The food just tasted so nice. My apartment looked weird to me, I could sense the artificial character of civilization. My friend and I agreed on going outside again afterwards. We had dinner, shared a coffee, which felt warming and nice and very activating.
We spend more time in the park. We played some Frisbee and then lay down on the lawn to enjoy the warm rest of the evening, drinking a bottle of beer, sharing experiences and connecting. I could sense how my usual concepts and the perception of the world was constantly fading back to the so called “normal”.
We went back to the apartment, cleaned a bit the mess we had left behind, sat down for the second round of dinner and shared a good conversation over one or two glasses of wine. We had a shower each and at around 2:30am we went to bed and could fall asleep.
I am very pleased with my experience. I think it was the perfect dose for a first trip and I could sense that I am a stable personality and that there is no reason to not trust my stability. The whole trip felt like a huge solid mountain range with little to no sharp chasm to fall into. I can feel though that it was a lot and what remains most is this initial feeling of thunder in my chest that I still carry a day afterwards. If I can take from this trip more peace and ease to trust into myself and life that would be just very beautiful. I am very grateful for my friend being there, I could have not had a better trip partner. I would like to take acid again, this time maybe a full 100mcg and then eventually 150mcg. But I have time for that. No rush.
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