DOSE:

450 mg

oral

DXM

BODY WEIGHT:

170 lb

People have always told me that I've got a nice natural scent. I, being around myself my whole life, have been desensitized to it. I figured I would never know what my natural scent was, but I was glad to be one of those people who had a good one.

My first trip was dope: diplopia, flanging, music euphoria and strong detachment from reality and self. I knew dissociatives were my shit. But my second time was no good. I’d found out that Wellbutrin (my anti-depressant) didn’t mix well with DXM but I dosed anyway. Four hours later, I’m trying to read my pulse and determine a BPM. Impossible. I was worried I might die and leave behind my loving family and my loving girlfriend. From then on, my suicidal thoughts had been quelled. My third time, I went off my medication for two weeks before dosing. That might not’ve been long enough, and I felt a little down those two weeks. Either way it was game time.

Anxiety gone about Serotonin Syndrome, I watched a film called San Soleil then lay back in bed enjoying the peak and meditated on life. I loved how most people (with the exception of my girlfriend and my mom) seemed fake. It’s hard to explain, but many things and faces lost their meaning, signifiers lost their signifieds. Words were sounds.

So that was my general headspace, a high second plateau, the sweetspot for me. Sure, I did some self reflection, but it was really at random that I caught a whiff of my own scent. Some users report stronger smell, and I’m one of them. I just remember rolling to my side and suddenly knowing exactly what I smelled like and what my friends meant. I’d to completely forget who I was to sensitize myself to my body. I looked in the mirror that same night and realized I was beautiful. I’d struggled with body dysmorphia for some time and felt that for once I knew my shape. I always thought I had love handles, but they were gone. It was like living with that disorder was an altered reality, and that looking in the mirror while totally fucked up was the most sober view of myself I’d ever had.

So I went off my medication, felt down, then tripped. I experienced quite the afterglow. Three days later, I hopped back on the Wellbutrin, but so many of my perceptions had changed that I felt I didn’t need it. I still felt insecure about my body, but the visual dysmorphia was gone, at least for a while. Sometimes, I get occasional whiffs of my scent. I generally feel closer to myself and more confident. I’ve used DXM ten more times since then. But I won’t allow myself to use excuses like “this is my therapy” to justify frequent use. Especially mixed with weed, this shit can be addicting as hell.

Exp Year: 2019	ExpID: 114531
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 18
Published: Jul 1, 2020	Views: 954
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DXM (22) : General (1), Combinations (3), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Unknown Context (20)