DOSE:	16 oz	oral	Alcohol - Hard	(liquid)
	2 hits	smoked	Salvia divinorum	(extract - 10x)

BODY WEIGHT:

240 lb

Salvia has always fascinated me, but I've never had a single positive experience with it. If I were able to somehow remember that the [intense!] effects were artificial and would soon go away I think I would be much more able to enjoy myself while on it, but this is never the case. When I am in salvia-space there is no other reality, whatever I am experiencing seems completely real and completely permanent. I may have some vague recollection that I once had a life somewhere else and some when else, but whatever that life was seems completely lost to me, and this is where much of the terror comes from, it's almost like dying. My life is now over... I've done salvia at various strengths at various times, even going as high as 100x on occasion, but it has left me with what someone could almost call PTSD, or a phobia towards it. It's the only drug I've ever done in my life that I never wanted to do again, and it would take me weeks or even months to muster up the courage to try again.

Well, this one night I had been particularly restless, using vodka to cure my boredom. Many stiff drinks later and I had decided that I had enough liquid courage to finally use the 10x that I had bought months ago and never used. Even in my stupor I was very afraid of it, just looking at it gave me chills, but I persisted anyway. I thought buying such a weak extract (10x) a mere 5th of the most potent extract I've ever used would perhaps make the experience more manageable. NOPE.

It's impossible to describe the salvia trip to others, it is so very alien to our every day experiences. So alien, in fact, that the mind struggles to comprehend it afterwards and makes few memories of it. It's kinda like trying to remember a dream, but some things do stick out. One effect that I've noticed each and every time I've used it is something that I can best describe as a reality smear. If you were to take a paintbrush, turn your entire field of vision into paint, and then just drag that paintbrush across your field of vision, that's kinda what it's like. But this only really lasts for a split second, soon afterwards I leave this reality behind altogether. On this particular trip I found myself smeared into the shape of a U, and I was one of many U's that together formed a sort of rainbow. It's hard to say for sure, but I believe we were the bottom part of a ski-ball machine. Forming the part the ball rolls along towards its target. For some reason I hated every single second of this... I couldnt fully grasp what had happened to me, either. It is at this point that I started running from my living room to my bedroom, moving along a U shaped path. Jump up from couch, turn corner, flop down on bed. Jump up from bed, run to couch, flop down on couch. I did this several times before my first sane thoughts started coming back to me. I remembered that I was in my own house, and that I was alone. At first I was totally incredulous about this, being very confused why before I had been one part of something larger (the ski-ball machine) and surrounded by others, and then I start thinking I was all alone again... It was a tremendous relief! It took several minutes to regain my composure and as soon as I had I started chugging vodka like there was no tomorrow.

Salvia is the least fun drug I've ever done, and I am someone who is absolutely FASCINATED with hallucinogens... But this shit? It's a waking nightmare, and a very confusing one at that. I have no idea why being part of a ski-ball machine would fill me with such intense existential dread, but it absolutely did. I'm so scared of salvia that even drunk I rarely have the courage to face it! Worth doing once or twice, probably, but its like the worst nightmare you've ever had, but so much more real! I dont think there are too many people who will enjoy this absolute mind-fuck...

Exp Year: 2019	ExpID: 114036
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 33
Published: Feb 8, 2020	Views: 951
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Alcohol - Hard (198), Salvia divinorum (44) : Combinations (3), Difficult Experiences (5), Retrospective / Summary (11), Alone (16)