Citation: Nkoulou999. "Mental Collapse: An Experience with H.B. Woodrose (exp113890)". Erowid.org. Jan 21, 2020. erowid.org/exp/113890
This was my first experience with any psychedelic substance. A friend had sold them to me after buying them online and assured me they were safe to ingest and that he had taken precautions to prepare them. I decided to go all out and eat 13 seeds (a VERY bad idea. This is way above the recommended heavy dose, especially for someone my size). I was very curious at the time to have an out of body experience with a substance, and figured this would get me there. I chewed the seeds up at about 8 pm. They have an awful taste, very strong and earthy.
I force the seeds down and wait for the affects to kick in. I'm home alone and lay in my bed watching netflix. Half an hour in, terrible stomach aches suddenly hit me and I am rendered immobile with pain. It felt like more than a stomach ache, like a knife was in my abdomen and was repeatedly stabbing me. No other affects so far other than this pain.
An hour in, the pain in my stomach starts to fade and I feel better. I watch tv for a little and everything seems to be fine. I looked over at my right arm and my arm fuses into my sheets. They are connected as one, and it was hard to tell where my sheets ended and my arm began. I remember that I have taken these psychoactive seeds and laugh at the distortion, it was relieving to know that they had started to kick in.
Here is where time gets a little hard to keep track of, so the time for the rest of these posts are just estimates. After enjoying the visual regarding my arm, I relax and things start to feel a little foggy. I'm smiling a lot and feel warm throughout my entire body and an overall boost in mood. I tried to stay up for as long as I can to enjoy my trip, but I eventually pass out.
When I come to, I feel extremely out of it. I assume that it is still night, and think I could have been out for 5 minutes or possibly hours. I quickly notice that I am paralyzed for the most part. I feel so weak that I can only slightly move my neck from side to side. In the top of the room, floating in each of the four corners of my bedroom, I notice what I can only describe to be as oddly shaped creatures I had never seen before. They were each a different color, red, blue, green, and yellow. They didn't seem to have any bones and I could never get a good look at their faces. I knew what I was looking at were aliens, so naturally I was terrified. Each of these beings was sitting on a chair and had a desk and computer they were tending to. All of them floating, desk, chair and all. Then suddenly, my point of view starts to shift, and before I know it I'm looking down on my body laying on my bed. My point of view then shifts to the red beings' computer monitor. It is playing a game, where I am it's character. It was like standing behind someone watching them play Sims and I was their avatar, laying motionless on my bed. I can't really think any thoughts, I was just mesmerized of what I was seeing. I then pass out again.
When I woke up, I was in the fetal position in the middle of my bed. My head was on fire and my stomach was about to burst open, I was in agony. Then what I had seen with the aliens sets in, and the bad thoughts started. It occurred to me that my entire life could be a program made for the entertainment for some other superior being. Everything in existence could be erased, wiped out forever without a warning if the being playing my game decided to turn off the game. My life felt meaningless, and I fell into a very sudden depression. I didn't want to wake up the next morning because what's the point? There may not even be a tomorrow to wake up for.
I contemplated my very existence for quite some time. Then the stomach pains hit 10x harder than before. I managed to get up and stumble to the bathroom to prepare to vomit. I dry heaved, but no actual vomit. I felt so sick and was in the worst mental state I had been in in my entire life. I laid down on the hard tire and begged for my own death. I have never been suicidal and am generally at a good place mentally, but at the time I really wished that I was dead. I wanted to be dead so the unbearable pain would end and because of the mental mindfuck I had just gone through. I determine that I am not going to puke and stumble back to my bed and pass out.
I woke up the next morning with a new kind of hangover that puts regular alcohol induced hangovers to shame. I mostly rested in bed and tried to recover. The mental toll this bad trip had on me still effects me to this day, almost 3 years later.
The mental toll this bad trip had on me still effects me to this day, almost 3 years later.
I have taken great strides to feel normal after going through this experience but not all the mental scares have healed up all the way yet. I never took the seeds again, and don't plan to. This was my only bad trip with any drug, and have since had very pleasant experiences with other psychedelic substances. I would stick to regular doses and definitely not take anywhere near 13 seeds.
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