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Facing Infinity in a New Reality
Oxycodone/Acetaminophen, Nitrous Oxide & Ketamine
by Clawson
Citation:   Clawson. "Facing Infinity in a New Reality: An Experience with Oxycodone/Acetaminophen, Nitrous Oxide & Ketamine (exp113816)". Feb 5, 2020.

7.5 mg   Oxycodone
  325 mg   Acetaminophen
      Nitrous Oxide


October 4th, 2019.

Medically supervised ketamine, percocet, and nitrous oxide for stem-cell PRP therapy on right shoulder.

Counting backwards from 100, I got to 70: ... 73, 72, 71, 70, 1, 2, 3, ... "Are you loopy?" yuh.

I fell below an infinite series of different stages of sleep and dreaming - into a completely new reality, or a subspace of reality.

I was an infinitesimal point in an infinite timeless space, a viewpoint. I could see and hear. Naked perception with no references. I had a sense of being upside down and curled up like a fractal spiral, slowly rotating, inverted, inside-out, but no real sense of self. What I saw was a bright yellow-green light all around me, granular or pixelated. There were more dimensions than three, but I don't know how many. I heard choral waves similar to Shepard's falling tone - but truly infinite.

My body was separate and infinitely far away in all different possible directions. Discontinuous pieces on the skin of an infinite sphere. When I was told to "straighten my arm" for example, I could do it - I knew I was sending the right mental command - but I could not see or feel it. All sounds apart from the falling chord seemed to come from behind me, from the infinite edge of my universe.

There were intricate symbols that I could perceive but not see - circular and jagged. Each one contained an infinite amount of information and there were an infinite number of them - all different. All possible knowledge was there - but it was unindexed, unfiltered, unorganized, and I did not know how to access any of it.

I was not afraid, but I was uncomfortable. Uncomfortable because I didn't understand how I got there, how long I had been there, or how to navigate or escape this strange environment. I had no recollection of my life before and no concept that this experience would ever end.

As I came out of it, my field of vision was very narrow, but seemed to fill the normal span of my visual field. I could not see people standing next to me and could not identify what was in my direct field of view. I had no eyes, face, lips, or tongue. When asked to wiggle my fingers, I could do it, but not feel it. Finally, as my perception widened, people seemed amorphous, like they were melting. I had terrible vertigo, even though I was motionless.

Now, weeks afterward, that 30-minute experience still seems longer in my memory than my entire life before it had been - like my lifetime was split at that point with infinite time in between. Was my life before that discontinuity even real? It is still deeply unsettling, although I did not and do not fear it. That strange place is always there, always behind me in a direction I cannot imagine - but very close by.

My waking reality seems profoundly fragile now
My waking reality seems profoundly fragile now
as though it might suddenly tear and I would fall into that disturbing space once again. It feels like I had glimpsed the true nature of reality - and that it is a profoundly different reality than I am used to in my waking life or even my most bizarre dreams. I have a new fascination with the concept of infinity and I study everything I can about it.

Exp Year: 2019ExpID: 113816
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 54 
Published: Feb 5, 2020Views: 520
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Oxycodone (176), Nitrous Oxide (40), Ketamine (31) : Combinations (3), Medical Use (47), Hospital (36)

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