Death's Doorstep Led to Life Everlasting
Mushrooms
by TGatt
Citation:   TGatt. "Death's Doorstep Led to Life Everlasting: An Experience with Mushrooms (exp113805)". Erowid.org. Feb 13, 2020. erowid.org/exp/113805

 
DOSE:
0.1 - 0.3 g oral Mushrooms
  5 g oral Mushrooms

BODY WEIGHT: 290 lb


When I close my eyes, even in the darkest settings, it never goes completely dark. Instead there are just shaded clouds fading in and out, back and forth, left and right. Occasionally imagines appear from faint and abstract to, albeit rarely, quite detailed and even more rarely sometimes in color. I don’t know if this is the same way with everyone else, I’ve never asked anyone else.

My first psilocybin heroic dose of 5 grams as Terence McKenna wisely termed the phrase, started out much the same way. It only took about 15 minutes to start feeling the affects and I had to lay down 20 minutes into the session. The visions greatly intensified quickly as time went on. What was shades and shadows expanding and contracting was now being accompanied with colorful edges and outlines. This soon transformed into vibrant shapes and patterns even a kaleidoscope couldn’t fathom. Seriously the YouTube videos you see of trippy imagines doesn't live in the same universe with what I saw. These intensified more and more, faster and faster. I couldn’t keep up.

Before I continue, lets go back to January 2nd, 2019 and look at a letter that I wrote to myself that explains where I was in my life at that time and more importantly why I was so adamant to find help at any cost.

"You’re at a point in your life that not a day goes by that you don't think that death is a viable option. While you don't consider yourself suicidal, living with the pain in your body and the depression in your head is more than you care for. At only 51 years old, you shouldn't be like this, no one should, at any age. The back problems provide constant pain that no position can alleviate, causing a lethargic lifestyle that makes it even worse, much worse. This only adds to the depression that keeps you from making and sustaining positive life choices. At 6’ tall and 360 pounds the pain has spread throughout your body. Your joints and tendons ache and pinched nerves cause even more pain. Your skin develops sores, blemishes and scars out of nowhere and you are well on your way to becoming a diabetic and all the terrible things that comes from that diagnoses.

"Medications does little to help and most unbiased research shows they do more harm than good. You’re currently taking sleeping pills because you cant sleep without them and you have been taking them for over 10 years, you take depression medication. You are also on antiinflammatory, muscle relaxers and pain pills. You take medication for high cholesterol and soon you will need to be taking additional medications for high blood pressure and the aforementioned diabetes. Simple things you can no longer do, or they are difficult for you to achieve. You can’t cross your legs. Cutting your toenails is an almost impossible challenge. You have to sit on your bed a certain way just to put socks on. It hurts when you put your underwear on every morning after your shower. And you know all too well the difficulty you have wiping your own ass. Getting in and out of the car is a struggle for you. Putting on and tying your shoes is a challenge. You travel often which is incredibly uncomfortable and you do your best to hide the seatbelt extension you keep with you because most belts won’t fit around you and your embarrassed to ask for one. You are all too familiar with the discrimination you endure daily from almost everyone around you because you are morbidly obese.

"Coworkers look the other way when you walk by because they don’t want to have a conversation with a fat ass. People at airports and on planes pray you won’t sit next to them. And there is not a girl on this planet that would give you a second look in your current condition. Might as well bring on the inevitable heart attack or stroke and finish yourself off. I know you often pray to God to change your mind, give you the will power needed to change and you would do the rest. God may be on a sabbatical and forgot to take you with him! You know eating healthy and working out provides tremendous benefits as you have done it before many times losing weight and clearing your head. But it all comes back making it harder and harder to do it again and again. You don't need a plan, you need a complete lifestyle change.

The first thing you need to do is look to family and friends for love and support. This you have done a terrible job at in the past. You have a great deal of family members and a few friends you love very much but you haven't done your part to stay in touch and let them know how often you think of them and wonder how they are doing. For this, you sincerely need to apologize to yourself. Unless we have a twin, we may come into this world by ourselves but are immediately surrounded by many others the moment we take our first and last breath. Many things have happened in your life that made you feel you was better off by yourself so others couldn’t hurt you. You was wrong. Isolation is a choice and a bad one at that. You can’t, and don’t want to do this alone anymore."


It was just a couple months later that it all came to a head. Work was incredibly stressful as I had worked over 90 days straight trying to overcome problems at work. The doctor had just diagnosed me as pre-diabetic and I just lost it. The thought of the daily injections, potential for limb amputations and the ongoing abundant stress that would never go away at work, I just freaked out. I spent over 34 years working my way up the corporate ladder and walked away from it all.
I spent over 34 years working my way up the corporate ladder and walked away from it all.
OK, I’m not stupid as I did put in my two week notice. I certainly wasn't rich but by any stretch of the imagination but I had some money saved up and thought to myself if I don't do something drastic to change my life then something drastic was going to happen to me in a very negative way. One part of me was thinking I was crazy for walking away from 150k a year, health care, retirement benefits and a company car but as I look back on it today, the smart part of me knew that all the money in the world doesn't buy health and happiness. Here comes just a paragraph of me on my soap box, bear with me…

I can handle stress as well as the next person, but stress created by stupidity and greed in the corporate world is a whole other level that is always detrimental to the preferred goals. The corporate world for me was an eye opener to the modern slavery we all find ourselves in when working for the 1%er’s. 1%er’s, that's an apt description. I use to belong to a motorcycle club and we hung out with the 1%er’s of the motorcycle world. The vast majority of them are not what is depicted on TV channels through a documentary designed to instill fear and sell air time. The 1%er’s I am referring to are those in the monetary sense which to me are vastly more dangerous and maniacal than those of the biker world. I worked my ass off for them year after year and they just took it all and wanted more. My body and mind suffered from the pain and stress of my hard work but they didn't care as your just treated as their temporary property they can command at will. I will get off my high horse here as this is a part of my life I truly want to be left behind me but my god, I could write an entire book on the subject of corporate stupidity.

While the corporate causing stress was immediately abated, not much seemed to change over the next couple of months. I continued with the medications, at least with what I had already filled from the pharmacy. I couldn’t refill them, for those that had didn’t have refills available and would require a trip to the doctor’s office in order to get a refill. Lord knows I didn't have the money to pay the exorbitant doctor’s office bill without having insurance. So as each medication dwindled down to empty bottles, that was it, no more meds for me. By the beginning of June all the medications had ran out. Sleep without the Ambien was, and still to a degree is, difficult. The thoughts in my head really started clearing up. I began feeling mentally as well as emotionally much better. I began making better decisions with my diet and started going for short bike rides and walks. By the time July rolled around I started working out in the basement. I was eating 5 small meals a day consisting of primarily instant oatmeal in the morning, a 90 cal snack mid-morning, 6 oz of chicken and mixed veggies for lunch, another low cal snack and herring for dinner. Towards the end of September I joined a local gym and had achieved nearly a 60 pound weight loss when I got the inevitable plateau.

At the time I had started writing this journal in late October 2019 it had been about a year ago I had listened to a Joe Rogan podcast and his guest was Paul Stamets. I became very interested in fungi and the potential possibilities associated with mushrooms. I spent almost year researching psilocybin, dosage, trips, micro-dosing. I consumed hundreds of hours on YouTube watching and listening to stories and episodes of Rogan, Stamets, Fadiman, Pollen, the third wave and many more, it all went on and on. Reading books until my eyes popped out of my head. I had found and joined a local psychedelic society. I met some great individuals who had the same interest. One particular lady who had an incredible vibe about herself and we share our journeys with one another which is amazing to me. Another particular fellow that I met and ended up meeting me several times afterwords. It turns out that he was very interested in being a guide for psychedelic sessions. He was young but very educated and knowledgeable about the topic. He had already guided a half a dozen others and he offered to do the same for me. I had just started microdosing psilocybin at the time we first met and didn't think I would be interested in doing a guided session. I was perfectly fine with my .2 grams once every three days that I was consuming for my micro-dosing regimen. However, I did start researching the subject he had been referring to in great detail and chose to take him up on his offer. The evidence is overwhelming relative to the positive effects guided session have. With the right guide or guides along with intentions, set, setting and integration after the session, theses sessions have been shown to have an incredible positive and often lasting affects with such things as PTSD, alcoholism, severe depression, end of life diagnosis and many others.

Before I get into the heroic dose I would like to state a little bit about my microdosing. As I mentioned I did it for one month and the typical dose was .2 grams, nothing even close to what it would take for a psychedelic trip. I played with the dosage a few times going from .1 which gave me some effects but not enough to allow focus on my intentions. Up to .3 grams which had just a hint of euphoria and a high (however minimal) was not what I was looking for. I settled on .2 as this seem to be the dosage best for me and my intentions of mindful awareness and self control.
I settled on .2 as this seem to be the dosage best for me and my intentions of mindful awareness and self control.
Also mentioned earlier I used the Fadiman protocol of one day on and two days off. This microdosing to me was a game changer. On the dosage days I felt alive and in tune with everything and everyone around me. I thoroughly enjoyed the day, stayed incredibly productive and had deep thoughtful conversations with others. If the dosage day fell on a workout day, all the better as I no longer had thoughts of being tired or giving into exhaustion. The second and third non dosing days I could easily tap into the feelings I had on the day of dosage. Simple and quick meditation sessions help with reminding myself of the power within me the medication seemed to unleash. Now back to the heroic dose.

We scheduled the session for a Saturday in mid October. In preparing for my session I had completed a writeup summarizing my past and what I hoped to gain from this experience and shared it with my guide in hopes that he would have a better understanding of the reasoning behind my intentions for which I shared with him. This is what I sent him.

Notes to consider for upcoming session:

Childhood: Grew up poor, one step above homeless. Didn't have a father or a father figure. Mother was always working, so not much nurturing from her. Was molested by 2 different people, one male family member and one female non-family members. Pretty much learned from societal experiences around me. Other kids doing bad things I didn't want to be a part of.

Teenage years: Lived in the poorest neighborhood. Crime, stabbing, theft, drugs was all around me. Got jobs at the age of 13 and volunteered at a local animal shelter to stay away from the bad things that were happening everyday. Never had love interest because I didn't know what those things were all about. Had a few casual sex encounters but no girlfriend to speak of. Worked in restaurants when I got older and hung around others who occasionally smoked dope and a couple times dropped acid, and done some cocaine a few time but nothing else. Drugs was never a passion of any kind to me so I eventually stopped doing them. I dropped out of high school in the 10th grade and began a career in sprinkler pipe fitting at the age of 17.

Adulthood: Got married at the age of 20 and eventually had four kids. In looking back I really didn't love my wife because I didn't know what love was. I married her because we were friends and I thought that is what everyone does at that age. I came to love her as the mother of my children and was content in providing for them all until I died. Before we were married I use to hunt, fish, play softball, golf and enjoyed having a beer with coworkers at a bar. After getting married, she didn't want me to do any of that and she just wanted me to be with her. I did so because I thought that was what being married was supposed to be. Problem was she didn't want to do anything but sit around the house so I probably grew to resent her. She was always very heavy during our marriage so sex was few and far between. I eventually just put everything I had into work and raising the kids. I coached the kids through soccer and football for many years and very much enjoyed watching them grow up. I am very proud of each of them. We went into considerable debt buying everything we could. She always wanted something new. Bigger houses, nicer cars, anything the kids wanted, we provided. When 3 of the four kids reached teenagers, my wife got a job as a postal carrier and she dropped a lot of weight. A switch went off in her head and she was out almost everyday of the week running bars, gambling, doing drugs. It was three or four years of hell dealing with her and raising all the children on my own. When she was home we fought fiercely. One day she came home and said she didn't want to be married nor did she want to be a mother anymore. She put some clothes in a trash bag and walked out the door. Our youngest child was only 12.

After divorce: I spent a decade in hell. Bankruptcy, raising all the children, major depression, suicidal thoughts, massive weight gain, couldn't concentrate on work, just all very bad stuff. I tried medications, therapy, psychologist and nothing worked, it was like life had just given up on me and I was simply a speck on the wall and life was just passing me by. Slowly the children got older and started life on their own and as each one of them left the home it got tougher and tougher. When the youngest left I thought life was over. I didn't know who I was and what I was supposed to do on my own. I was morbidly obese, pre diabetic and on the fast track to a heart attack or stroke and I seemed to just settle in and wait for the inevitable. Eventually I couldn't handle the stress from working, the corporate nonsense drove me nuts and I just up and quit my job with no plans at all, I just couldn't take it anymore and something had to change. For the first couple months after quitting, nothing much had changed. I was still taking the medications until they ran out and I had no insurance to cover the refills. By the third month my head started clearing away all the negative thoughts and I started getting into a lot of podcasts and focused on topics of interest to me. Psychedelics, health, fitness, diet information I consumed in abundance. Eventually I started eating healthier foods, exercising and dropping a significant amount of weight. I started micro-dosing psilocybin and my head continued to get better. I am on a very good path and I want to stay that way, achieve my weight goal of 260 lbs and then reevaluate where I want to go from there. I always wanted to write some books and I have started doing that, albeit a little slowly, but still started nonetheless.

Summary: Overall I don't know who I am or who I am supposed to be or what I would like to be. My whole life has never been about me, it's always been about others.
My whole life has never been about me, it's always been about others.
I have never been in control. I have always reacted to everything around me never understanding what role I could have played in directing a path forward. I have never been in control of my body and mind. Not knowing the power the mind and body and the conscious I have complete control over. I have no idea of what love is and what it is like to love another other than my children. I stay in constant fear that giving myself to someone else would be going back to a state of living for someone other than myself.

My Goal: Understanding life and the role I play in it. To let go of the past and move forward free of doubts, depression, fears and anxiety of the past. To understand the consciousness I have control over is just part of the overall consciousness of the universe and I can tap into that larger consciousness for strength, guidance, love and encouragement. To understand what loving another is truly supposed to be like and to do so with no fears of losing myself.


Intentions, set, setting, music and integration should not be taken lightly. You should have several in-depth conversations with your guide to explore each of these in an effort to provide the best scenario of each part and thereby ensuring the best outcome. Although I was very happy with my guide, I wish I would have experienced this with both a male and female guides. It doesn't matter where we are as individuals on the spectrum of life’s scales that define each of us, having both a masculine and feminine take on the entire process is the way to go. Having both voices available during the session would be paramount to deal with any circumstances that may arise. I consider myself a masculine individual but I am smart enough to know that even the most masculine man on the planet has within him a certain level of femininity that is just as powerful to tap into to as the masculine side. Some circumstances are better handled by one side or the other. While it is important to have a guide, it is of the utmost importance that you make your selection with a firm understanding of the risk you are subjecting yourself to. Let’s face the facts that there are bad people out there. You are putting yourself in the hands of another individual at your most vulnerable state imaginable. You could easily be taken advantage of sexually, emotionally, financially and on and on. Do not take this lightly. Consider using a video you can watch later. You not only get the opportunity for reflection of your thoughts through the integration process but you get some assurance that nothing funky was at play.

Just before my session I told my guide I couldn’t have done more research, meditation and healthy living preparing for this journey. Yet nothing I did could have prepared me for what actually happened. I tried to make sense of the shapes but there is no way I could. The shapes were refined three dimensional spheres I believed to be artifacts of some kind. These spheres began displaying an elegant calligraphy type of language from ancient or alien worlds using strange symbols. We read and write from left to write from up to down, this seemed to be language from all directions. The Spheres began to develop moving banners across several angles with symbols flooding within and around these banners, moving so fast I couldn’t keep up. I could see them straight on and from all sides. I wish I had the mindset during the session to attempt to slow down the imagines and focus on them but I was no way in control and had learned through my research to just let go and take the ride given to you.

I just wish my research would have prepared me for what happened next. The vibrant, light speed of mystical kaleidoscopic imagery of alien and/or ancient language gave way to what felt like a metamorphosis of my body. I couldn’t control the muscles tensing and easing back and forth. The nerves in my body cascading an endless wave of physical motion through every part of my body from top to bottom and from the depths of my inside outward to the very hairs on the outside of my skin. I lost control of my facial expressions which began showing a myriad of emotions from one second to another. Happiness, sadness, anger, frustration, content, continously played like a video loop over and over again upon my face.

Suddenly, there was an essence in front of me and it wanted to fight.
Suddenly, there was an essence in front of me and it wanted to fight.
She was beautifully evil, cunningly sadistic and held the power of the universe in her cold, dark hands to wield at her will. She began to attack me from all sides with a fiery barrage of determination for what seemed like hours. She would blast me with a force of her power from afar, then move in and strike me with her sword. I could feel the edge of her blade as it sliced deep into me and moved across my flesh digging into the muscle tissue below. My muscles would tense and contract in a tenacious yet ill fated defense and I would growl in an effort to dissipate the pain. She would eventually get a hold of me with her hands and her claws trying to rip the skin off my body, the flesh from my bones. She dug her claws deep into my body and tried to pull me apart. I felt my chest being ripped open as if I was in some medieval torture contraption design for sheer terror and ultimate pain. Her mouth gaped wide as she bit down deep between my shoulder and my neck. I could feel her teeth penetrating my bones deep inside my body and the pain was vividly intense. Oddly it seemed she didn’t want to kill me, she just wanted to fight and she wanted to fight me and she wanted me to fight her. I took every blast, strike, stab, blow, gouge, scratch, and bite she had and just stood there not fighting back.

The only offensive tack I conveyed was to take it all and shout “give me more”, “is that all you got?”, “come and get me”. Every offensive attack she threw was met with equal intensity to receive it and just smirk. Often times I had to give in to downright animalistic tendencies of some past existence to take and dissipate every attack she threw at me. I would find myself growling and roaring as her attacks scorched my flesh, muscle tissue and bones. I would aggressively purr in anticipation of the next strike. She soon got tired and seemingly left me alone, or so I thought. Then I found her inside me ripping through every organ, tendon and muscle just shredding me apart from the inside out. I knew I could no longer take it and I eventually gave up and admitted that I no longer wanted to defend myself and just as quick as she had started her attacks on me, she just as quickly and suddenly released me. I felt like I been fighting but the truth was I was just defending and taking the damage being done to me just like I had been taking damage done to me my entire life. As a child being molested and bullied, a teenager dealing with the pressure from my peers and surroundings to do bad things, as a working adult putting up with evil co-workers whose only determination to climb the corporate ladder was executed by pushing as many people out of their way as possible, as a married man being used and abused and left to rot alone while still being the primary caregiver for my children. I was the punching bag, the target, the receiver of all that is evil around me. It was my job to take it all and spare those close to me. I thought real strength is not fighting, maybe real strength was taking all the negative life has to throw and you and not giving up, giving in or conforming to anything you do not feel in your heart is right.

As I look back upon the event just hours old I tried to reflect on who she was. Was she some ancient being, was she merely my life experiences manifested as some ancient being. Was it a figure from a past life or simply old memories trying to rid themselves from my consciousness. I really don’t know. Why did it seem that I reverted back to animal instincts to protect myself? I questioned this many times and still have no answer. I never once lashed out during the session, I just took everything she threw at me, growled and asked for more. I may never understand the meaning of what happened but it is my experience and I choose to find a positive place for the experience to reside within me and use it as a source for positive thoughts and choices for me and my future. While I stood up against any and all adversities in my life, I never fought back. Was this experience showing me that it’s OK to stand there and take it?

After this part of the journal I called my youngest son and shared with him my experience. This kid at the young age of 21 is incredibly insightful. Unbeknown to me, he had several psychedelic experiences with his friends as a teenager and he willingly admits that it is his profound belief that these experiences supercharged his creativeness. He up and moved to Georgia taking an internship at a local radio station and is kicking ass and enjoying it. He thinks a reason my session manifested the way it did was to suggest that I was complicit in the bad things that happened to me because I did not fight. Maybe this was the mushroom's way of saying it is not only natural but evolutionarily prudent to not only defend yourself but to fight against tyranny because your very existence physically, mentally and emotionally is dependent upon it. Doing good and being good are great qualities but maybe that is not enough to just stand against evil. Maybe sometimes we must put up our hands and fight back.

I sent a draft copy of my journal to my daughter. She is without question the most soulfully beautiful person on this planet and while she is normally the most insightful, kindest and strongest woman I know, she simply replied “Dad, I just think you need to have sex with someone”. Who am I to argue with such intelligence? In the days after I continued to think a little bit about who I was battling with such ferocity? Was I battling past hurt, myself or someone specific from my past my thoughts wondered? I don't know. Why was the figure female? I’ve always put women on a pedestal and feel rightly justified about it. The only woman that hurt me the most was my ex-wife when she walked out on me and our children but this ended up the best thing that could have happen to me so I really felt inside that I forgave her and moved on. Maybe not, I just don’t know.

My intentions going into this session was to have control of a life that I never felt in control of.
My intentions going into this session was to have control of a life that I never felt in control of.
I want to be happy, healthy, feel a desire to create and share life with someone who appreciates life’s journey as much as I do. I made a choice to consume 5 grams of psilocybin cubensis in hopes I would find an answer to my life. I believe now the answer lies in the ongoing journey that is no longer dictated to me by my past. I in no way condone the use of illegal substances. I am not, nor have I ever considered myself a “druggy”. I couldn't tell you the last time I used an illegal substance (prior to this) but it was probably well over twenty five years ago. I choose to do so this time because I tried everything else and nothing worked. As I wrap up this journal with the intention of putting it on the shelf only to reside in my memories, I am hopeful and longing for a future with positive intentions as I have truly left the baggage behind. I want to find happiness as well a find a way to support myself with something I have a passion for. People say the best job you could have is one your happy to do. I do not want to go back to the corporate world. I am down almost 80 lbs in my initial goal of 100 lb weight loss. I very recently joined a six week gym challenge in hopes to lose the last 20 to 25 lbs.

I actually started putting myself out there and met a person recently who upon first meeting me smiled so big and bright while adding a satisfying giggle told me that I was incredibly handsome. I haven’t heard words like that in over 20 years. She had no idea of the positive impact she made in my life at that one single moment in time. While my insecurities wanted to call BS, it was a satisfying justification I needed at the right time telling me that I was on the right path. It would be an understatement to say the my current diet of mostly plant based foods is just a new lifestyle. The truth is that I long to look at it as a metabolic transformation of my very DNA. I think and meditate in hopes of acquiring the actual feeling of being sick to my stomach if I think about processed foods or anything with sugar and I thank God each and every day for that desire. I long to learn more about and try every recipe I can find that focuses on a healthy whole food plant based diet. Exercise has become an obsession of the mind and body. I am starting to research meditation more intently in hopes of adding it to my daily regimen. My interest in writing, drawing, painting and airbrushing has been awaken once again and I have discovered a passion for doing it regularly. I have put myself out there on a couple dating sites (my how have times changed) and have met a couple interesting people and we will see where it goes. Eventually I will find that someone special as I know she is out there and looking for someone exactly like me.

Speaking of eventualities I will eventually have to go back to work. But this now has a much different meaning to me. Big houses, nice cars and the latest and greatest gadgets and toys means absolutely nothing to me anymore. None of this will do me any good when this life is over and I begin the next journey. I have sold all the motorcycles and most of the extravagant furnishings I have acquired over the years. All I care about anymore is a roof over my head, food to eat and to share life’s great adventures with someone special. I may take another year off work as I have always wanted to write. Whatever work I do, I just want to be happy doing it. That is all I care about relative to any occupation. I hope to hit my initial goals by the end of the year and then I will make a decision whether or not to go back to work or take additional time off and write.

A few thoughts I would want to share with my guide. I wish we would have discussed the music he played. My guide played a lot of instrumental music, some with very dark tones at the climactic parts of the arrangement. I don't know how much of this may have influenced my battle sequences but I have to imagine it played a part in it. With my particular intentions I may have preferred more of a easy mystic meditational composition. In my research I found that most people have experienced a fear of dying during part of their session. Guides need to take time and discuss this before the session. Most of the time this topic is dealt with a thought of only experiencing this phenomenon during challenging (sometimes called bad) trips and if you follow set and setting properly you alleviate this. That’s bullshit and I don't buy into that. Another thing you will hear guides say is just go with the feeling and let it take you where it wants. While I agree with that premise in general, when it comes to the fear of death this is certainly an incredibly powerful thought that consumed a part of my session. If I was guiding someone I would have a lengthy discussion on this topic and tell the person taking this journey, especially for the first time that they must stay mindful that this feeling will likely take place and to think of this as falling off a very tall cliff. Your mind knows that certain death is awaiting them at the bottom of this chasm but that's not how the psychedelics work. Yes you will be falling for what seems like an eternity but eventually your falling will slow down and do a u-turn and begin to rise. If you stay mindful of this analogy you can except the fall and enjoy the ride. When it comes to mushrooms, what goes down will come back up.

I truly love each and every one of you who reads this for each stranger that does so is another step in my healing process. Each time my journal of this journey is read, it becomes less and less of my past and more and more just a story. It gives me strength to cut the negative ties of my past that often binds to my current thoughts thereby affecting my future. It feels soooo good to cut those ties! I pray that you have success on your life’s journey. Life around us is absolutely maddening but you must remember that we are indeed in complete control as to how we let it affect us. Our desires to be better versions of ourselves should also be met with a desire to better the world around us. Search your hearts and know that words like “fuck” are in no way as close to being as offensive as the word “greed” is. Think and consider of making an effort to not use labels as they are most often used to separate us and we should all want the exact opposite. While we all have our own political views remember that these views are a very small part of who we are and if we look deep enough, converse long enough with one another, we will all find more common ground for which we can work together and make our world a better place. If you are on a journey of self awareness and improvement, the best advice I could give you is to research, research, research as your answer is out there and also journal, journal, journal as the ability for positive change is already inside you. Take care my friends…

Exp Year: 2019ExpID: 113805
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 52 
Published: Feb 13, 2020Views: 1,739
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Mushrooms (39), Breathing (470) : Alone (16), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Personal Preparation (45), Guides / Sitters (39), Health Benefits (32), Retrospective / Summary (11)

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