Citation: Mouthspiral. "Slant Brown: An Experience with Deschloroketamine (exp113634)". Erowid.org. Sep 28, 2019. erowid.org/exp/113634
Substance: Deschloroketamine (2í-Oxo-PCM, DCK)
Dose: 15mg, 30mg (Separate Occasions)
Person: 21/M, Height: 5í9, Weight: 8 stone (112 lbs)
Setting: My Bedroom/student house, London, Night time.
This is my first ever written trip report despite over the past few years having had many psychoactive experiences. I could say I wasn't smart enough before, or didn't have the courage to trip alone and write, these were things that were out of my awareness. However, it's beautiful to be able to do these things now, despite thinking that all these trip reports I read growing up were out of my ability (I'm very dyslexic). So it's been wonderful to be able to improve my writing, and have some great drug experiences. I truly see the process of doing trip reports as a brilliant way to progress with a load of things.. writing, creative inspiration, poetry/lyrics, visual art, musical ideas, self improvement, getting to encounter and feel new perceptions.
These two experiences down below were had with this chemical a little earlier in the year. My time to write out a full report from all my notes had been put a side for quite some time... Iíll blame that on my laziness...Both trials happened around March 2018 whilst still living in London, itís now November, I am no longer living there and still donít have a full write upÖ well itís been written as you read.
In the few months leading up to these experiences, Iíd gained quite the interest and appetite for dissociative substances. Having only tried ketamine, I thought Iíd give some other chemicals from this family a try. Deschloroketamine became available to me through an online vendor. Through much research, it seemed to be a longer lasting, more potent psychedelic version of ketamine. Two features Iíd enjoy for sure. The drug arrived in crystalline form, when handling the crystals between fingers a light oily residue would remain on my fingersÖ not heavy in any way but lightly noticeable.
My mental state during this period was to be honest very terrible, I was amid a depressive episode that had lasted two years ongoing. Despite being offered medication, I simply stuck to seeing a psychotherapist weekly. My drug use halted for the first half of this period but due to my tendencies to be drawn to fantasy, I began the odd dissociative trip for augmentation of consciousness, creative inspiration, and the occasional relief of my mental health issues. No negative side effects occurred if not more positives could be noted. First report was mild yet highly enjoyable whilst the second was completely immersive. A mystery on itself, that even on reflection time and time again reveals more to me. Like a great art piece but in memory and experience. Genuinely profound and interesting experiences are like this always.
22.18pm Ė Weight up 15mg of DCK and take it orally in a gelatin capsule.
22.26pm Ė I lay down with my laptop on my sofa bed, which is situated by a large living room windows looking out onto the street. Orange street lights shine through the windows into my dark room. The only lights around me, my white laptop screen, and the orange street lights. I put on Spectrum Ė Soul Kiss, starting with the second track on the album, I'll say Peter Kember is one of my favourite musicians.
22.29pm Ė Whilst waiting for the effects to take hold, my thoughts wonder to the introspective as they do. Leading to classic thoughts that had been recurring in my mind for the past year.
22.44pm Ė A little nausea begins to slowly seep in, unexpected, nothing too prominent but there, just an unsettling of the stomach. It passes quickly and gives rise to new sensations, my belly feels warm, like something is emerging from within. My skin is sensitive and prickly, like I can feel a coat of sweat all over my body. Cognitive improvement is noted, and I begin to feel more at peace. Iím excited laying here under the covers.
22.51pm Ė Getting up to go get some water, the effects have come on, feeling very dissociated, that slow, murky and skipping sensation as I move through space and time is here. Coming back, typing is much more difficult, time begins to warp. I make a playlist of Harold Budd, Susumu Yokota, and Aphex Twin, lay down, headphones on, and fall into a mild and gentle dissociative state.
23.13pm Ė The experience is here, the general feeling of returning to a similar place comes down on meÖ a classic dissociative feel. I am back in the data field with eyes closed, giant swirling cogs and mechanical images pulse and expand across my eyes. That sensation of travelling through data, or something computerised themes my time here. The colours are prominently orange, visiting landscapes and falling through matter. My thought process is clear and lands in the introspective space. Iím still grounded in a reality that has gently shifted, so I havenít been taken far out in any way yet, the space is euphoric and enjoyable. Iím Just laying here, feeling warm and pleasant, listing and analysing great music with a visual show.
23.43pm Ė A slight manic edge and stimulation is shown, nothing too intense but something I havenít experienced with Ketamine.
00.14am Ė Listening to Susumu Yokotaís album 'Sakura', one of the finest albums of electronic ambient music. I recall listening to this album walking home from sixth form at 17 years old. There is a manic quality to the drug, my thoughts race and go from topic to topic with energy and speed, nothing strong but noticeable.
00.40am - I am immensely euphoric, the album has reached a climax in the middle, ĎAzukiiro No Kaorií and ĎKodomotachií play as I feel immersed in a new world, opening my eyes I watch the lights shine through the window. My environment has become disturbingly beautiful. I fist pump the air and begin taking my life apart in mind, the mania has increased a little. My mind is racing, everything swimming and shifting, I feel joyfully mad. This drug is a lot more euphoric than Ketamine but of course it could just be the music, as it works ha.
1.03am Ė The drug begins tailing off, leaving a strong stimulated edge. I put on Captain Beefheart Ė Observatory Crest, bathing in the beautiful afterglow. This DCK stuff is the shit, loving it, serious stuff. Very excited to take it again at a higher dose.
3.03am Ė Still awake surfing the web, very stimulated. This drug even at lower doses does not leave the body easily. My flat mate comes in, and we chat till 6am, he comes to me with some issues and I help him a little, vice versa. Makes me feel valuable, Iím here always.
6.00am Ė There is snow outside, and the room has turned an ocean blue in the emerging morning light, itís pretty. Neo. I fall asleep.
The past week before this trial had been quite the time; in fact, an hard edge had been permeating my entire existence. My dreams had been plagued with bizarre, violent and intruding subjects and imagery. One from my diaries talks of a creepy old man trying to sexually assault me whilst locked in a giant white room with little doors up high. Iím attempting to hide here with a girl I am deeply in love withÖ together we are deeply afraid. Another dream has me trapped in a house on a rock in the middle of nowhere. A shadow with red eyes chases me up the stairs in a sudden movement before I retreat to a room. Climbing out of the window up high, my fears lead me to take risks to lose it all. Scenes of the area where I grew up with rise to the surface and are relived, the place is brown and surreal now. Everything is dying. Me and a childhood friend Jojo, hide a gun behind leaves.
My conscious life was just as disturbing and emotional as my unconscious life; Iíd witnessed a freak accident a few days prior to this experience where a lady cycling her bike in South London lost her arm. This left me deeply scared, to see the fragility of life, and to witness something so life changing for a person left me in a state. I donít want to make this experience about me, I wish this lady all the best for the future. Letís just say this week had been extremely dramatic and emotional, reflecting my growing pains of the time. The months circling this period had an air, emotion and a sense I canít describeÖ just a feeling for me. Looking back now whilst writing this, a very special time indeed.
On the Friday evening, unplanned sitting in my room alone, whilst my house mates were out. I decided to ingest a larger dose of the DCK, which had been sitting untouched for a month since my last trial. For what came to be one of the most interesting drug experiences Iíd had in a while. The combination of all the inner turmoil, imagery that had come across my eye lids this week, my emotional state of mind, and this drug produced an experience for the ages.
23:31pm Ė Ingested 30mg of DCK/Deschloroketamine in a Gelatin capsule on March 16th 2018. Sitting comfortable on my sofa bed at night time with one lamp shinning, I await the drug to take effect. Thinking of my week, itís not pretty, I focus my mind on a book Iím reading.
23.45pm Ė A little stomach movement, something developing within.
00.07am Ė Still reading, feel very still and calm. Simply content to be alone at night, safe in my room, reading and learning about topics Iím interested in.
00.22am Ė The effect may be coming on now, my hands shake. Placing the book down as reading is no longer possible. A warmth is coming into play, a sensation of something infiltrating my mind, taking control. Falling letís say.
00.29am Ė Despite no total effects occurring, itís physical effects are coming on strong. I know in not too long I will sink within. I put on the playlist of music Iíd made just before. The soundtrack will begin with two of my most deeply treasured albums. Talk Talk Ė Spirit of Eden, and Laughing Stock. Masterpieces and apex of music.
00.33am Ė From this moment on things begin to get hazyÖ with a tender and soft quality my world begins to slip, the room is no longer my room. It looks the same but deep down I know it is not the same place, the on-going radio signal of my brain and perception of reality has shifted, itís been given new wiring. A sense of been given access to a new plane of reality. My room begins to exists as if it is in a different dimension, one lost in a surreal dreamworld. I remember looking up at my wall, and getting this heavy other-worldly quality, a sensation of entering a brown cave, with touches of darkness and anticipation.
Closing my eyes, steadily images begin to form with increasing dimensionality, as if a world is forming itself part by part. From 2D images, to potent 3 Dimensional images form, this screen is a new reality. Patterns pulse from the side, patterns morph into landscapes, landscapes into scenes. The screen extends in length in front of my eyes, with lines moving in-wards beautifully. A whole new world is made, stretching to infinity it seems. Giant edifices now lie in front of my eyes, blocks that extend upwards to a dark black sky above. I see the door of the building in front of me, before it transforms into another space without ever satisfying my curiosity. On the notes I see that thoughts had become abstract and poetic "Time ceases to exist, but in mother is darkness, brown colliding"I write.
Jagged thoughts begin to plague me here, progressing to sensations of difficulty and confusion, I get perceptions in my mind of blue visions of my body laying down. I start to move my body in ritual patterns to the music, thrusted from vision to vision. I sense a door is being opened, the opening doors is the unfolding of this experience. I've never found a drug with such powerful closed eyed visuals. Around this point, Mark Hollisís voice in the Rainbow utters the words ďoh yeah, the worlds turned upside down.Ē Like a signal from the music. The pace and mood of the piece soundtracks the perfect introduction to my experience.
From around this moment on, I am completely taken and enveloped with the mighty force of the drug, I remove my clothes naturally and begin to fight a battle in the darkness. A hurricane has taken form in my mind, this drug has completely taken me into another realm with such potency. The experience has a strong spiritual component. I feel as if I am a lone person in a desert on a mission to survive, to endure the mental and physical difficulty of my situation. The topics of the musical lyrics and sounds "After the Flood", "Eden", "Ascension Day" , theme my time, there is heavy sense of rapture. Of facing my fears, and dealing with the utter breakdown of my reality. Fighting a battle in my imagination. The visions begin to progress in much more vivid detail. There is a heavy amount of let's say mind-fuck, and confusion. Constant throwing and changing of thoughts to the bizarre, and to the beautiful.
I write in my notebook rigorously, and with all intense emotions running through me, mania has taken over. I draw abstract shapes, and write thoughts that come up quickly. Throughout this time, I go back and fourth from eyes closed to attempting to write with eyes opened. I get strange delusions, and crazy ideas. However, slowly my ability to write in my notebook becomes impossible, my writing loses all structure. I throw myself physically across the sofa, laying down I move violently from side to side. This whole period, I am screaming in my mind, what the actual fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, pulling me in all directions violently.
I wish it was possible to truly describe what happened here but from here on, reality loses all coherency, the sounds and visions completely immerse me, a fall down into a hole of some sorts. A descent into the underworld...
reality loses all coherency, the sounds and visions completely immerse me, a fall down into a hole of some sorts. A descent into the underworld...
I enter another roomÖ
Empty dark rooms with white and black scribbles all over the walls, no sense of language can be read in these writings, to surrealist passage ways with lengths of infinity. The walls are long and tall, stretching to edges I cannot see. The colours here are prominently grey, brown, and black. During this point, the imagery I see is consistent for a period. The walls in passage ways of imagination begin to change form, to a collection of fused babies morphing and moving together. The screams echo through the passage ways.
My imagination forms a story of this wall of children, creating and teleporting me to a new room, I travel along the attic, house and rooms once inhabited by a child. Toys and toy houses are littered around, this is no fairy tale worldÖ everything is destroyed and ageing, a house where once there was joy and love has now been replaced with decay. The parents have abandoned their home, the child passed away leaving the couple in anguish. No longer able to cope have disappeared to new homes, leaving the land of joy behind to rot. I am never afraid here, despite the unsettling themes. Laughing Stock has ended, bringing forth the next cued music. John Adamís Grand Pianola. The combination of the minimalist tonal piano, and the horrific images and themes give me a cinematic experience of grand proportions. I travel sideways through rooms of this dark red house, soundtracked by the repetitive changing piano phrases. A sensation of moving through time and space with the music and images. It is utterly beautiful, and profoundly moving. It is here that the extent of the experience has come down on me. Iíve plateaued.
Opening my eyes suddenly, I am surrounded by two dimensional figures hovering around me. They are crowded in a circle surrounding me, all with fixed expressions, they donít move. Static menacing humans, the heavy details are obscured in the dark. It becomes apparent that they are all looking down in the same direction, peering down into another field, I decide to get closer, joining them and looking down with them. Peering over I see a black mouse maze, much like the types you see in science experiments. However, here we see no mouseís but tiny like people opening and closing lots of doors in the maze. The doors have radioactive signs on them, the lights of the signs illuminate the corridors of the paths around the entire overview of the maze. With my new-found friends, we gaze down together.
There are moments where the entire field of my vision collapses. The bedroom window I am gazing upon transforms into a brown wall of dirt, the inside of a hole in the earth. This is now my spatial position. It begins to fall apart before my eyes, the room that once was has now vanished. Iíve teleported to a different space, not only do I get the visual image but my body experiences the sensation of disintegration as bit by bit my waking self is deconstructed and reconstructed into the world of my imagination. In this realm, one travels sideways space after space.
My confusion has become subdued, calmingly accepting these scenes, images, and feelings, I recall being so far removed from myself that any fear was gone for a period, simply dissolving and travelling from dimension to space with utterly beautiful music.... this however doesn't last long.
A horrific scene occurs in the dream land of rooms, and scenes. Where behind a grey landscape but paradoxically a wall, much like a Kay Sage painting, blood begins to form and pour around in a heavily fixed point in my field of vision. Expanding and taking over my view, itís excruciatingly painful to glance, the horror is too strong. I open my eyes in depression and fright, left in a state of dreadÖ this drug is extremely potent. I see swimming pools in the darkness filled with blood, splashes on walls. A man going crazy turns into a soul-man, bloods falls from the trees, the water is over, he falls through sounds till all that is left is beauty. I see a tunnel, dark and eerie, peeping through everything, it begins to shake furiously, I am the master harmer. Of course, we come, of course, we come. Battles with the drug in my system begin. Most of my visions deeply disturb me, I should not have seen the things Iíve seenÖ in this state, my mind reaches the conclusionÖ because of the things Iíve seen, I should be placed in a mental institution. The things are too powerful for me to keep ingrained in my memories
All the scenes above happened at some point between 1-3am, time is not linear but I seem to exist being thrown in a disorganised fashion from time to space, from space to minute. No moment happens in time but in place where we just have a collection of happenings simultaneously.
All I can say it was wild. Physically, mentally, and emotionally powerful. Whilst in the mist of the peak hours, laying down in my pitch-black room absorbed in the experience, suddenly a beaming light shines through from the window above my door. My room is instantly transformed into a different space. Laying here completely nude and manic in my suggestive state, Iím startled. I canít comprehend light this bright exists, a god (Canít believe I thought that) or someone in the house that knows of my craziness and has called an ambulance. In my most fragile and potent states I believe this. Within moments, the light goes back off, Iím left in darkness again, where I feel safe.
I seem to exist being thrown in a disorganised fashion from time to space, from space to minute. No moment happens in time but in place where we just have a collection of happenings simultaneously.
As the more potent drug effects comes to an end at 3am, the time after is spent in a post experience malaise. I feel poised, broken, and to be honest quite damaged. This drug wants to leave my system. The sedation is incredible heavy, and all encompassing. I get up to go get some water for the first time. The dehydration I feel is very severe, as I walk there I get the sensation that Iím quite literally searing or thizzing. This is odd. My thoughts have been limited to nothing. The sedation on my mind is so strong, that nothing can be brought up at this point.
The next few hours are spent in excessive stimulation, simply laying down, times passes quickly here, as my inner thoughts have been reduced to practically nothing. When I close my eyes, any thing I think transforms into images behind my eyes, to purple moving sparks, to mountains of snow, I revisited some places I'd been in Italy as well. By 8 in the morning, Iím able to watch random videos on YouTube, and begin writing about the experience and some reflections based on my time here. Listening to music, I get overwhelmed, I cry dramatically on small/significant things. I am a little bit of a emotional mess. My written reflections here are of a naÔve but introspective nature. Sweet me.
Itís 11am and still no signs of sleep, I hear my friends wake up, and go up to greet them. Instantly they can tell somethings happened. To begin with, I can barely talk, the words that exit my mouth stutter and tremble. My ability to be a fully functionally human being has not returned yet. I tell them Iíve just had an experience of immense proportions; my voice is very serious and stern. Trying to laugh appears fake. This drug has really had such powerful effects on every element of my being here. The whole of remainder of the day, I hang out with my flatmates, and ease back into a normal state of mind. Generally just feeling tired from a lack of sleep, and the lingering residue of having an experience like this. By the the following day, a warm afterglow is noted that remains into the week.
Overall, this experience seems to sum up my fall and descent into the underworld or honestly a mental breakdown that occurred around August 2016 in my actual existence, lasting 3 years. I complete mental breakdown and stripping of my former self, and giving me a profound and transformative experience. This drug experience on reflection seems to capture a lot of sensations, imagery, and physicality of this period. It's like I was already in a bit of hole, and this drug made me puncture even deeper into the hole. To be honest due to the potency of the experience I have been afraid to try it again, it really took me to a scary place, beautiful but horrifying. Of course it's because of my life at the time, and also my sensitivity to all drugs.. I don't see that as a bad thing.. just less material for me. However, it seems to sum up what I love about psychoactive drugs, takes me to place where I can experience my imagination in such detail, whilst giving me a profound emotional, and sensory experience. Still, I feel the drug had too many physical side effects, making me feel quite poisoned, with a sedation so heavy it made me feel dumb for hours after. I'm not sure if I will take it again, I'm not a compulsive drug user, if something moved me like this, I feel no need to repeat it. The memory should be left alone. Saying that, it could be one of my favourite drugs.
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