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Death, Terror, and Recklessness
DMT
Citation:   Jackals. "Death, Terror, and Recklessness: An Experience with DMT (exp113564)". Erowid.org. Jan 4, 2025. erowid.org/exp/113564

 
DOSE:
40 - 60 mg IV DMT
BODY WEIGHT: 200 lb
I just want to preface this whole thing by saying that this was hands down the most terrifying and reckless thing I've ever done. I know that some of you out there reading this probably want to experience a DMT injection firsthand (or are at least curious about it) while others have made their minds up, like I did, and cannot or will not allow themselves to be persuaded otherwise. To the curious I say, don't let yourselves be fooled by some documentary you saw on TV or some shitpost on the internet with some idiot saying that he did it before and was "absolutely fine." Those people are either professionals in a lab setting or people that have no business saying you "can and should" inject yourself with DMT sitting behind a screen. And to all the other lost souls looking for answers and decided that this was the way to go: May God have fucking mercy on your everlasting soul.

I am 24 years old, and live with my girlfriend and two dogs. I have a shiny new car, an awesome job, savings, investments, and an incredibly loving family. I am lucky, considering I spent 4 years in an active heroin addiction while homeless on the streets of New Orleans, and two years in prison. I've been out for about 2 years now, and off the shit for about 4.

Man, living in New Orleans you get ahold of a lot of shit. Quick drug rap sheet includes heroin, oxys and other opiates, cocaine, meth, MDMA, weed daily for 6 years, methadone, suboxone/subutex, 2C-E, 2C-B, GHB, ecstasy, lots of acid, lots of mushrooms that grow wild down here, xanax and other benzos, aderall and other amphetamines, salvia, nitros oxide, all kinds of weird pills... Yeah you get the point. Smoked, snorted, and IV'd my way through my teens and early twenties basically.

But I'm in recovery now! I've been completely sober for about a year from everything else except acid and mushrooms, which I believe to be a true cure for clinical anxiety and depression. I trip 3 times a year with my girlfriend, and my quality of life continues to improve with these tools like it never has before.

A few weeks ago my girlfriend and I watched a documentary about ayahuasca, and she expressed interest in trying it or other DMT-containing substances. I was also, as I had never tried it, so I made a few clicks and had a half gram of n,nDMT show up at my house quickly.

I freebased for the first 3 experiences and they were incredible. I broke through on my first try and felt like I was communicating with entities that wanted to show me the secrets of the world. I felt the most deepest feelings of joy and warmth and came away feeling like life wasn't the end. Sadly, my girlfriend couldn't handle the smoke and regrettably choked and coughed and couldn't hold a single hit down. Probably for the best. This stuff isn't for everyone.

At some point I suggested maybe she could IV the drug, and she shot it down immediately. She said there was no way she was going to try something by injecting it. Unfortunately, I couldn't stop thinking about it. The seed was planted and the thought kept creeping up on me in the following days and I eventually decided I would do it.

I found an easy method to dissolve the freebase with an acid on the internet. It seemed simple, but to get the mixture just right you had to be EXACT, and know the molar weight of the two substances you were trying to dissolve. I had no idea how much I was doing, I didn't have anything that could measure out to .01g, so I eyeballed what I thought was about 50 mgs of freebase
I eyeballed what I thought was about 50 mgs of freebase
, and mixed it with .36 mL of white vinegar. The ratio of acid to freebase was pretty good though, as it almost all completely dissolved when I added a bit of heat and distilled water. There was a bit of plant matter and a yellowish tint but hey, I've done way worse haha. Oh god. I used a cotton filter and drew up the entire mixture.

I went to my bedroom and found a belt and tied off. I hadnt IV'd anything in 4 years, but it was like riding a bike. I found a vein, hit oil, and pushed the plunger way down, but something stopped me at the last second from pushing it all the way down, so I pulled out with about 25 units left in the syringe. It was probably the only thing that stopped me from passing out. I had enough time to turn off the lights and fall onto my bed. I could begin to feel it. And oh boy. Did I fucking feel it.

I shut my eyes and heard it woosh over me and then I was in total blackness. It came on like electricity. White flashed in my vision and the next thing I remember is the weirdest... And I mean WEIRDEST patterns and shapes. It was so vivid. I remember wanting it to stop. They were like comic book colors and outlines, shapes and geometry, pink and yellow and always changing. There was a circle. It was all so weird and so fast. But it wasnt distorted at all. It was all in super high definition, like I could have touched it, but I couldn't do anything but sit and watch and let the drug take its toll on me.

It felt like getting hit by a planet.

I immediately regretted all of my actions leading up to this point. My mind was obliterated. I remember thinking that I was probably not going to remember any of this and that I was likely going to pass out soon. I maybe did pass out because I mostly don't remember much of the initial visions, it's almost like my brain couldn't even process what it saw and trashed the memories because they were so far from reality. I do remember thinking something was laughing at me and thinking I was crazy. I also remember specifically thinking that I was not going to die, however I was going to be forced to endure the terrible consequences of my actions.

And holy fuck. Was that awful.

I would alternately get good vibes and then bad. Things would go fast and then slow. The good vibes were of the faintest sort and the bad vibes were full and truly terrifying in the deepest darkest way.

My skin is crawling while I'm writing this. Everything seemed hostile and alien. I don't think I can properly convey with words that I was in a completely alien existence, with no clue as to what was happening, who I was, what I was seeing, that I did drugs, or anything else. The removal from this world was complete. I do remember having the thought that it was incredible that I could even be seeing these things at all, that my brain could create these pictures and that everything was so distinctly weird and unreal.

But I was there, forced to endure the visions of an alien nightmare. I couldn't even remember who or what I was. I remember thinking at some point about love, and maybe it could bring me back, but it was like a pained lost love sort of emotion.
I remember thinking at some point about love, and maybe it could bring me back, but it was like a pained lost love sort of emotion.
Like I'd never see anyone ever again.

Then, I saw these animal looking people, male and female in pairs, and they would laugh and then stare, laugh and then stare. I wanted it to stop so badly, but I knew I had to wait it out. I remembered being in a wreck, and being an addict. I felt deep shame, and yet I kept defiantly reassuring myself (somehow) that I was a good person with value. It seemed so tiny compared to the shame I felt, though. It felt like the animal people were laughing at me. I would fight the feeling of shame by saying "No, I have worth," and the animal people's expression would change to something akin to slight admiration, like watching someone fight back against a fight they were obviously losing, and then I would become terrified again and they would resume laughing or staring.

I want you to keep in mind that all of this happened basically in what seemed like an instant, and that I am trying to use words to describe feelings and visions so completely utterly devoid of anything positive or familiar that I don't think I can properly describe what happened without most of the terror being lost in translation. Anyone who has done DMT can probably relate to this, and everyone else just rest assured that this was an experience that was brutal and harrowing in the most extreme and uncommon sense.

Also, throughout all of this was a physical feeling of being shredded by a million razors. There was also an even more intense sensation that my mind basically was being sucked out of my skull through a tiny pinhole, and also feeling like being shot out of a cannon, all at the same time. None of it was pleasant in the slightest most remote way, and all of it was awful and horrifying on a magnificent scale that words will never capture. I still find it surprising that I didn't black out, and I'm still not convinced that I didn't, although I really don't remember losing consciousness.

Suddenly I realized I wasn't breathing, and I took a huge gasp of breath. I felt the rig in my hand and I saw my girlfriend screaming at me, saying "You could have died, you could have died!" (My girlfriend was not home, I was alone during all of this.)
Throughout all of it I kept telling myself "I'm not going to die I just have to wait it out, I'm going to be okay," it felt like it was never going to end though, and after what felt like the thousandth modern art exhibit on steroids, nothing seemed to be coming back to me, I still didn't know who I was and I started to panic.

Everything started to get red and I could see the animal people start to visibly get freaked out. Red lights started flashing, and alarm bells were going off. It seemed like they were saying "Oh shit, he might actually die." They almost started waving to me, like trying to get me to do something.

At some point I stood up. I opened my eyes and started beating on my chest. I kept beating on my chest and gasping and thinking, "I can't die like this, I can't die like this..." I looked at the bathroom and I looked at the door to the bedroom and I couldn't tell which was which. Nothing made sense at all. There were arrows on the floor and on the walls and the ceiling, all pointing and moving. It was like being in a fish tank almost. I actually smiled for a brief moment despite the terror because I could not tell which door went where in my house, and it amazed me that something could have this profound of an effect on my perception. They both looked the same.

I stood there for a while and kept beating on my chest and breathing. I didn't even feel like a person. I could barely feel my hands. I felt like a flimsy cardboard cutout, I felt like I was a piece of paper. I just had to keep breathing, that was all I knew all I could pull off and I would come back eventually if I didn't die.

The room had a red glow like off of the silent hills pt trailer, and even though the lights were off and the room was dark everything seemed to be lit up from behind my eyes. Eventually I stumbled out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. I tried to look at the clock to figure out how long I had been tripping while telling myself "I'm not gonna die, I'm not gonna die..."

At this point I vaguely knew who I was and where I was, but still not what had happened. I could still see visuals swirling even though I was walking around. I couldn't focus on anything. It was like being in a big dirty fish tank. I kept trying remember who I was and what was happening.

"Vinegar. It was vinegar...and.." I couldn't really seem to remember exactly what happened, or what I had put into my body. Finally I got a good look at the clock and I knew I wasn't gonna die. Yet. I had to verbally tell myself "it was vinegar... And DMT... And water..." I was scared that maybe I was poisoned, or that I had mixed in a chemical that I hadn't meant to on accident, but as I slowly came to this fear started to dissipate, and the fear was replaced by something like anger.

I sat down and said "Fuck whoever the fuck told me I could take this shit. Fuck all these people. Fuck this shit, this is fucking ridiculous, this is the stupidest thing I have ever done."

I looked down and was amazed to see that I still had the syringe in my hand with 25 units of DMT solution in the barrel. I crawled my ass outside as the visuals faded and squirted the rest of that shit into the air and bent the rig in half. I watched the sun set behind the trees and just felt lucky to be alive while my dogs licked my face.

The total length of time of the trip was 35 minutes.

Nobody was home while I was doing this. Nobody knows I did this. I feel compelled to warn anyone else that might attempt this, though. I had no trip sitter, and none would have known if something had gone terribly wrong. For a brief second I thought my girlfriend was going to come home and find me dead with a needle in my hand. There was no way I could have even found my phone, much less use it to call 911 if I had to.
There was no way I could have even found my phone, much less use it to call 911 if I had to.
I have done shit like this a million times and never once thought about safety. I thought I knew the risks.
I didn't know shit.

Although I didn't know exactly what was going to happen I thought I had a pretty good idea. Even though I took precautions with sterilizations, none of that meant shit once I got blasted to the center of the universe.

The craziest thing is. People never think "oh yeah I'm gonna die today... " You never know when it's going to happen. It can happen at any time from any one of the stupid things we do every day. We never stop to think "oh yeah this shit could totally kill me" we just do stupid shit and don't think about the consequences. People die every day, and we never think about death in a personal way like this.

To anyone out there thinking of doing this, I implore you to change your mind.

[Erowid Note: Two samples of powder (even of the same chemical) with equivalent volumes won't necessarily weigh the same. For this reason, eyeballing is an inaccurate and potentially dangerous method of measuring, particularly for substances that are active in very small amounts. See this article on The Importance of Measured Doses.]

Exp Year: 2019ExpID: 113564
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 24
Published: Jan 4, 2025Views: 19
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DMT (18) : Alone (16), Bad Trips (6), Difficult Experiences (5), Preparation / Recipes (30)

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