Citation: Loren. "Total Addiction: An Experience with Ketamine & Various (exp113519)". Erowid.org. Dec 3, 2019. erowid.org/exp/113519
Prologue: Author is a university student at present with depression and anxiety issues stemming from a four year long traumatic experience, so various SSRIs and SNRIs have been used across this experience
various SSRIs and SNRIs have been used across this experience
I can't quite remember the first time I did ket but I don't recall having particularly fond memories of early encounters with it. I think I found it a bit too psychedelic, and a bit too weird, to be a 'cool' or normal drug. My previous drug use at this point had been only cannabis, xanax, and various opiates. Anyways, I first used it at 17 and then didn't really use it for a while. For a year (13) I self-medicated my anxiety using clonazepam and phenibut.
However, during the summer before I went to university, I began to realise how powerful ket's anxiety relieving powers were, and began to use it slightly more. However, I mainly stuck to the cannabis, xanax, opiates. When the time came to move to uni, I went down and bought 7 grams of ket. And spent the night wasting away (monging out) on a mate's chair watching It's always sunny in philadephia. And that was that, I kept buying and using and discovering more and more psychedelic properties within ketamine.
I failed my exams but didn't tell my parents until later. First came ket. At this point I was using up to 7g a day and the bladder pains were excruciating (leading to one hospital trip). An hour of having your stomach being fucked raw by a red hot poker is how I'd describe the most intense pains. And still, I kept going back for more. Because ket just kills thinking. It kills my ability to be anxious. And in addition introduces nice, interesting psychedelic elements. I'd vary between spending my days either doing about 100 lines of 0.1g or a few 1g lines to experience a 'k-hole'. I'd close my eyes and imagine any world possible, anything could be built, controlled by just thought alone.
Being a daily user of ketamine for a year has made me hate the thought of closing my eyes and not seeing any visuals. In addition, sometimes the fear of going out without ket was too strong to let me even leave the house (for ket could provide relatively immediate relief from highly anxiety-inducing situations).
I'm not sure how to end, I no longer use to the absurd 7g a day mark that I did during my first year at university but I do still use ketamine along with opiates and other drugs and sadly, I do see myself becoming an addict once again next year.
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