Citation: DivisionBell. "Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual Death: An Experience with DMT (exp113511)". Erowid.org. Oct 21, 2019. erowid.org/exp/113511
||(powder / crystals)
I have decided to write a trip report for reasons that are twofold. For one, I do wish to warn others of some of the complications I experienced on this drug. I have read many trip reports and done a lot of research, plus have personally experimented with it in the past, and I believe what happened to me is less common.
I believe what happened to me is less common.
Second, part of my reason for writing this is selfish. I desperately need a way to help integrate this experience to move forward with my life and I this is an attempt at doing just that.
BACKGROUND: I am a 33 y/o female who is quite experienced with psychedelics. I really enjoy marijuana, LSD, mushrooms, Ketamine, MDMA, 2CB, combinations of the aforementioned substances, etc. Prior to the experience I am about to share, I had smoked DMT approximately 15-20 times, but usually out of a vape pen which cuts me off before I can really get a 'blast off' dose if you will. Some of those trips were really cool and some were scary, but never so frightening it turned me away from my pursuit of crystal DMT. I spent YEARS looking for it and 3 weeks ago, I finally found it. My husband and I bought a gram and partook in a few small trips, working up the courage to take that 'blast off' dose.
THE SET UP: 4 days ago, at aprox 1500, we decided it was time to try to travel to another dimension and meet these 'entities' we keep hearing about. I invited 2 of our friends over (K and P). We used our rig to 'dab' the DMT. P went first and blew her 40 mg hit out immediately through her nose. Accordingly she had a fun experience in which she was still able to communicate with us. K went next and did a smaller dose and came back 10 minutes later sharing about all the amazing visuals she had seen and love she had felt.
My husband decided to go last, so, finally, the moment I had waited for, it was my turn. My husband got the rig ready and poured in 40 mg of dimitri. I inhaled it all and laid back on the couch. Some Gramatik song was playing, I cannot remember which. As I held in the smoke, I closed my eyes and began to see hazy, dull, colors and patterns. I thought to myself "this isn't really working" and let the smoke out. I started to say to my husband I needed more (hah, yeah right) but I couldn't get it out. What happened next is a it of a blur, but this is my best recollection:
THE TRIP: All of a sudden bright neon elaborate patterns, spirals, and jester-like clown people filled my vision. I was already terrified and could not understand what was going on. It is difficult to find words in the English language to describe a true DMT trip, but this is the only way I can think to describe it: It felt like one of the jester creatures grabbed me from behind and then grabbed my upper lip, stretching and pulling it over my head, turning my face inside out. I found it difficult to breath.
At this point I was still laying down with my eyes closed. He (the jester felt like a male to me for some reason) then slammed me face first into the couch and then pulled me back up and tore both my eye lids open forcing me to take in the INSANE psychedelia before me. My husband and friends said at one point, I bolted up to a sitting position with my eyes wide open, darting rapidly around the room. I think this coincides with the feeling of having my eyes torn open and being forced to watch this horror unfold.
The words I was hearing in my head were "you think you can play with us you little b****?" I couldn't understand what was going on or what I had done to get treated like this. I don't even think I knew who I was, but I definitely knew something was horribly wrong.
The next thing I remember is feeling like this jester had stuck jagged plastic down my throat and I was choking to death. Outwardly my husband and friends said I had started gagging and this is when they became concerned. Looking back I am sure the taste of plastic and the harshness of the smoke is what led to this feeling but when you are that high you have zero ability to rationalize this. The gagging turned into me spitting all over the couch and my husband said it looked like I was about to throw up. Instead of throwing up I tried to stand up (according to my loved ones, who got me to sit back down) and began crying out "help, help, help, help" over and over. The jester continued to choke me and I felt like I was loosing the battle. I started saying "I can't breathe, I can't breathe."
Finally, the trip began to release its grip and I could hear voices that were familiar, but the most familiar voice I could finally hear was my own. I heard myself begging for help and asking how to breathe.
I heard myself begging for help and asking how to breathe.
My husband said I even said "help me YOU GUYS" and he said that notified him that I was coming back because I had some concept that my loved ones were there.
I slowly came out of it and as I was coming back that jester character was surrounded by beautiful colors and patterns and he was kind of dancing and smiling and laughing saying "come again little girl. We'll be waiting" and other eerie stuff like that. When I finally, completely came to, I saw 3 very scared people surrounding me, rubbing my back, telling me I was ok and I was safe. I had no idea why they were telling me this and I turned to my husband and said "what's going on, what's happening to me?" He replied "babe, you did DMT." I began to cry. The whole experience was only about 5 minutes, possibly less (which is short, even for DMT) I was later told. It felt like a life time.
THE AFTERMATH: It is 4 days later. The trip is very difficult to remember visually, but the feelings are not. I can still feel that jagged plastic in my throat (I'm assuming I must have burned it or something). I still feel sick to my stomach. I still feel anxiety and fear. I had to leave work early the other day and begged my husband to leave work too because I was anxious and scared and felt like the only safe place for me in this world was with him. I sincerely feel traumatized. The main entity I saw was MEAN; he was maniacal, taunting, violent and aggressive. I feel like I am on the verge of a panic attack writing this out.
MY TAKEAWAYS: When I started this I said I wanted to warn others. And I don't mean about the intense hallucinations or entities. I have heard of horrible trips and I did know it was possible, even likely. I guess I didn't realize it could ever be THAT aggressive of a hallucination, but hey, it's DMT, anything can happen when you enter that realm. I was in that entity's world and it had its way with me.
What I really want people to be mindful of is that DMT can be physically dangerous. I always heard things like "you're so high you can't keep your eyes open and you can't move, you just lay there." Well news flash, I did both and I could have hurt myself trying to stand up like that if my friends and husband had not been there.
I could have hurt myself trying to stand up like that if my friends and husband had not been there.
I didn't read about people almost choking or throwing up on it until I started to research it after my experience, and even then there is not a lot of information on this side effect. Perhaps because it doesn't happen often, but it CAN happen. I would have a sitter. Someone who can help you get sit back down or throw up, safely.
I won't ever touch this substance again and I probably won't consume any form of psychedelic until I am able to integrate this experience.
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