Citation: cabbie2. "The Best First Time Anyone Could Ask For: An Experience with Mushrooms (after SSRI) (exp113393)". Erowid.org. Apr 28, 2020. erowid.org/exp/113393
A substance(s) in this report might be identified incorrectly. Erowid reviewers question the author's identification of the drug described. Although the report is included in the collection, the substance might be something other than the author believed it to be.]
My mushroom journey started many years ago the first time I heard of them. My curiosity burned on and off the entire time, and until starting college I didn't realize trying shrooms was an attainable goal.
The characters involved are as follows:
Trippers: C (Me), S, M, T
Guests: K (my girlfriend), A
The setting is our apartment in an Appalachia college town.
S is the most involved in the trip process out of all of us. He tasked me and the rest of the journeymen with online research and trip report reading. He also reminded us of all the important things to consider while choosing a dose and while traveling. Being in the presence of friends alone was enough to help me have a good time, but S' reassurance and confidence helped way more than I can express.
I didn't decide my mindset going in until the night before. I had been having a lot of problems with compassion fatigue lately, and it suddenly dawned on me that my trip goal should be to learn how to let go of things that I don't need to hold on to
it suddenly dawned on me that my trip goal should be to learn how to let go of things that I don't need to hold on to
I had been taking an SSRI for about a year before this, and when we decided on a general date, I began a rapid ramp down of my dosage. Five days before the trip I stopped taking the medicine entirely, which gave me pretty bad absence symptoms. I had been experiencing a pretty bad headache for a few days, but I decided to go along with the trip anyway because of my understanding of how the chemical attached to my brain. I'm still not 100% on this science, but I think psilocin and sertraline attach to the same or similar receptors in the brain, which means when I dosed my withdrawal symptoms should have gone away. In praxis, they did go away for the duration of the trip, which was very reassuring.
Cleaning and food preparation begins. At this moment I turn on the album "Anything you Sow" by William Oneyabor. The lyrics and style of this album instantly put me into a good mood, and I couldn't keep myself from dancing. I cut up a watermelon I bought the day before and melted up entirely way too many marshmallows for a giant batch of rice crispy treats. Cooking always puts me in a good mood as well, especially if I am cooking for my friends.
At this point, I had been fasting since the night before at 11 pm or so. The crew of S.S. Psilocin was getting extremely peckish. Not everyone had arrived yet, so we decided to wait a little longer.
Three out of four trippers had arrived, and T assured us that it was okay if we started without her. Our dose consisted of pure psilocin mixed in with what seemed to be Popov. Our dealer assured us that each bottle contained the equivalent of about 4 grams of dried mushrooms.
Our dealer assured us that each bottle contained the equivalent of about 4 grams of dried mushrooms.
M and I shared one bottle, making my dose about 2 grams. S had a little more than us; M and S both chased with orange juice while I decided not to.
# T+00:00:30 (About 15:45)
After washing my swill down with some sink water and strawberry Luigi's, I rushed to the TV to turn on Lilo and Stitch. This movie was the perfect length to distract us on the come-up. We had decided on it a couple of days before as a group.
At this point, I decided to look over at someone else's face, and for a split second it looked like it was bulging out in some sort of Waking Life style, but that quickly disappeared. My overall trip didn't have as many visual hallucinations as I expected, but that turned out alright. Lilo and Stitch was almost over, and my girlfriend K had arrived about 20 minutes before this. I started getting really giggly as well as obsessed with patterns and textures.
This is when the biggest body load hit me. I turned on the album "Jaago" by Lifafa, which is an Indian deep-house album with lots of rhythmic spontaneity and soothing vocals. Mind you, I couldn't understand the lyrics at all, but that's just fine in my book. I had listened to this album at least 10 times prior, but always in the car or on my phone speaker while showering. The first listen with headphones while tripping made all the instruments I had never heard properly all the more surprising.
Also, this is when I started to compare mushrooms with other drugs I'd had. I reasoned that it was kind of like a fat weed edible, but with way more mental clarity and less time dilation.
Jaago finally ended, and I went to my room for a little bit. I suddenly became extremely interested in my hand. I followed the ridges and patterns that my skin created for about 15 minutes. I also went to the mirror in my bathroom to stare at my freckles and face scars (I had a small gash on my lip from a dog bite and a larger gash from a toddler playground accident). K came into my room and I instantly started inspecting her skin. I took her hand and counted the creases under the fingers, and inspected her face for 30 minutes straight. I looked at her nose and freckles, moved to her lips, tapped on her teeth, stared deeply into her eyes, and played with her hair. She's pretty straight edge with regards to drugs, but she was having a hell of a time watching me hyperfocus on body features.
"Phaedra" by Tangerine Dream was playing over my speakers during all of this. Phaedra less of a mellow relaxing album and more of an audible exploration of something (I'm not sure what). It reminded me that I had read all about these nausea symptoms, or anxiety, or thought loops, and made me wonder why I hadn't felt that many negative side effects. This trip had been way more mellow than I was expecting, and I was thankful for that.
I went back outside into the main room to find The Emperor's New Groove playing. I didn't pay too much attention to that, due to my attention being captured by the absolute coldness of the watermelon I was consuming. The peak of my trip was over, and I began to consider how amazing it had been. I enjoyed the presence of my friends and just relaxed, cracking my usual jokes and laughing. We cooled down with some Jack Stauber music videos and vine compilations. I don't think I can accurately pinpoint the happiness I felt at this moment. It wasn't a euphoria, rather a general contentness with my world and my friends and my life.
I felt like I had landed, I felt like my trip was over; instead of being upset that it ended I was just so thankful that it happened
instead of being upset that it ended I was just so thankful that it happened
. The afterglow I had read about became more and more real for me. K and I went grocery shopping (she drove) and instead of being anxious about finishing the list as normal, I was able to browse the aisles without feeling an overwhelming sense of want for products. I kept reminding her how much I loved her and how much I loved life. Half an hour before I downed a little caffeine so I could experience the glow a little longer before going to bed. Shopping was so much fun. Being outside and spending time doing mundane tasks with my girlfriend was more fulfilling than it had been in a while. I just found way more appreciation for life everywhere I went.
After I got home, I spent a little more time with K in my room. I had a few small computer projects I wanted to get done. I managed my music library and listened to "Ears" by Kaitlyn Auriela Smith. I checked K's hand again to see if anything had changed. After a little while, K went home to talk to her girlfriend and take care of her dog, and I kept computing for a little bit. When I felt like I was done, I got ready to sit around in bed and read my book whilst listening to music. All I could think about was how much I loved being alive at that moment. I was so thankful for my new abilities to process information and deal with problems, and I vowed to use this time to solidify new habits and get ready to take on the world.
In conclusion, wow shrooms are fucking amazing. I didn't feel high, rather I felt free. Free from the rut anxiety and depression created for me.
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