Citation: Water. "Nibbana: An Experience with Bufo alvarius Secretion (exp113386)". Erowid.org. Aug 20, 2019. erowid.org/exp/113386
I had already smoked Bufo alvarius and the experience was intense and beautiful but no great spiritual breakthrough was achieved. This time, I prepared by reading some buddhist texts such as the Tibetan Book of Death, where the first phase is where the good universal energy tests you to see if you are ready to accept it and experience Nibbana. I have to say that I donīt literally believe in this but it gave me the guidance to know how to treat the high of the toad. I would accept whatever came without any resistance. I want to add that I am spiritual but not extremely so. I meditate with the Vipassana method on a daily basis. I think this really influenced my experience.
I meditate with the Vipassana method on a daily basis. I think this really influenced my experience.
The shaman knew my first experience was a bit spiritually mellow. Therefore, this time he gave me an extra dose plus the night before I took a bit of Ayahuasca.
I will go straight into the experience. As soon as the smoke hit my lungs, I started feeling the intensity of the high and I basically said, "letīs flow with this". I travelled into a black hole in my subconscious or what seemed to be my subconscious combined with the whole universe and I woke up and I was overwhelmed by energy and some kind of divine power. I saw the shaman singing and thought, "This is real! This is not just the psychedelic!"
I started singing or something like that but it was just, "Ahhhhhh!" People thought I was liberating stuff but the reality was that this sound came from awe. The awe of experiencing something completely out of the normal psychedelic experience. Something divine, God or the white light that the Tibetan Book of Death talks about. It was a massive creative, universal energy without form that invaded everything.
I brought my attention inwards and, for the first time ever, I felt absolute equanimity. I understood and was able to cope with anything from the worst tragedy such as somebody stomping in with a gun to the biggest miracle, which in reality was that exact moment.
It is very hard to explain but I was able to know that I was seeing something divine. I am very rational and I only believe empirical. However, this was the empirical data I had to see to believe, really believe in something spiritual. It gave me hope and massive joy to know that this energy was real; that even if sick, bad things happen that energy will make sure that everything continues. Moreover, this energy was inherently good, not neutral as I had thought before.
The funny thing is that I did not have attachment to this state. I was not thinking, even though, I already seemed to have come down. I just comprehended. I was not attached to anything and there was no mind. Everything was perfect. From what I have read, this was Nibbana but with a touch of the divine.
The state lasted the entire next day.
The state lasted the entire next day.
However, I have to say that 6 days after, I am still somewhat in that state but when I fall asleep, I get this dream where I feel trippy and I wake up instantly agitated. Then when I consciously decide to accept that trippy state, the next time I fall asleep, I go almost straight to ecstasy.
The experience was so intense for me that my subconscious is taking its time assimilating it but in these cases, one should not fear but be open to this adjustment because in the end, the medicine is just trying to help you.
I will always be grateful for this experience and to have had the privilege to be in that state.
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