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Life of an ADDict
Amphetamine (Adderall)
by T
Citation:   T. "Life of an ADDict: An Experience with Amphetamine (Adderall) (exp11304)". Erowid.org. Sep 9, 2008. erowid.org/exp/11304

 
DOSE:
  oral Amphetamines (pill / tablet)

BODY WEIGHT: 160 lb


I don't believe that there is any one experience in my life that could possibly do justice to this drug, or accurately show what all it has done for me, both positive and negative. So this is a basic overview of the drug, and it's effect on my life.

I have been taking Adderall frequently for a couple of years, receiving my first prescription for it my Freshman year in high school for Attention Deficit Disorder. God, looking back on it now, it's hard to believe how apathetic I was about it. When I was first taking it I hated it. It would make me calm, not feel like saying anything, and certainly not want to do anything even remotely spontaneous. The only reason I continued to take it was to improve my grades, never taking it any time other than school. All of this changed my Sophomore year.

During the summer after my Freshman year, I met many new people who were all amazed that I got the drug free, totally legal, and didn't like it. They all loved it, knowing the real effects it had, effects which were still completely unknown to me.

When you first start taking Adderall, the majority of people I know say they don't feel it, they think they feel the exact same way with or without it, the only people who notice the changes are the people around the users. The reason for this is that the effects are very subtle, and seem to come gradually at first, not overwhelming a person by any means. So once I talked to all these people who knew how wonderful it was, I assumed that I was wrong, and continued using it, gradually noticing the effects that it would have on my mind and body.

Once my Sophomore year began, I had just started to realize how enjoyable Adderall was, and upped my dosage from 20mg per day, to 80mg per day, a pretty significant boost, but one necessary to feel the better effects. Eventually, I would end up taking all 80mg within about 3 hours of getting to school, and feeling amazing the whole time. The happiness which stems from using Adderall is great, you feel confident, intellegent, and just like a perfect person. But with every 3-4 hours of pleasure, came the following hours of pain.

People say that it is Adderall which makes them feel depressed, though this may be true, in my case I don't believe it was. I think that I was depressed before I ever took it, the only difference was, before I took it, I didn't realize there was any other way to feel, I just felt depression permanently with no relief. Though this sounds bad, it's no where near as bad as when the Adderall wears off, and you go from being unspeakably happy, back to your old depressed self.

I'm basically two people now (not in a schizophrenic type of way though), when I am my 'normal' (non-drugged) self, I am bored, depressed, easily angered, tired, anti-social, and very unconfident about myself. When I feel like this, I have no real goals or hopes; the only thing I really think about for long periods of time is Adderall. Though I am occasionally distracted from my depression by TV or something, Adderall basically dominates my thoughts. The only time I really enjoy my life is when I'm on Adderall. When I'm speeding, I feel like nothing bad can happen, I can really do a lot more on it than off of it, such as cleaning, studying, writing, reading, typing, sports, and virtually anything else. I love the feeling I get from Adderall, it's really the only thing in life which seems to balance me out. In my opinion, the depression is worth the happiness, especially since the depression has been there all along, and now I atleast have occasional relief.

If you are planning on starting to use Adderall recreationally or medically, I personally believe that the decision should practically be a life-long one. If you are going to do it, then continue to do it, don't stop. If you think that after a while of doing it, that you will stop, for health or whatever other reason, then I recommend not ever starting, simply because you will want it much more after doing it even once then you would having never done it. Adderall doesn't ruin your life in my opinion, I think that most of the people who use Adderall probably had the problems before they took it, just possibly not realizing it until the speed wears off.

Hey, do whatever you think you should. Speed is wonderful for me. I love doing it, and love having it, but it could ruin your life, and could be ruining mine right now, don't know. If you can handle it, take it, just be careful and don't ever listen to the people who say that perscription drugs are completely safe.

Exp Year: 2001ExpID: 11304
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Sep 9, 2008Views: 12,217
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Amphetamines (6) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Addiction & Habituation (10), Depression (15), Not Applicable (38)

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Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.


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