Citation: Martin. "Alienation & Rebirth: An Experience with Changa (exp112842)". Erowid.org. Feb 15, 2019. erowid.org/exp/112842
- Bulleted Summary -
• Smoked 250mg Changa (100mg DMT) with a gravity bong
• Lost all bodily sensations
• Met other "People" in a room that felt both vacuous and crowded
• Looked at and judged my own life thru a spiral tunnel
• Felt intense fear as “waking life” became a nonsensical concept
• Began to come down and loved the feeling of being corporeal again
• Realized life is precious and that we all simply want our basic needs met—sustenance, love
• The People asked what was important for me, and I answered “family”
• Took off the blindfold and felt reborn
- Background -
I have eaten Psilocybin Mushrooms on quite a number of occasions; I have taken MDMA a couple of times and LSD even less; I smoke Cannabis semi-regularly; and I have smoked Salvia only once.
I bought 1g of this infused herb blend from a trusted and very helpful man. He informed me to use a gravity bong, to listen to Zaba by Glass Animals, and to let my sitters and co-trippers be silent and watchful during my own trip. He also said that a 250mg dose would ensure a breakthrough, if all the herb smoke could be inhaled in one attempt. This we did with resounding success. We also chose to don a blindfold so that we could focus on the closed-eye visuals.
Because ±40% of the Changa was DMT, my co-trippers and I inhaled ±100mg DMT each, in one single breath. Yes, I have no way of knowing this for sure, but as mentioned, the supplier was well-informed. Regardless, the dose must have been more than 60mg DMT, as a breakthrough was definitely achieved.
We were in a bachelor's flat with the curtains drawn. It was around 12h. The room was filled with beautiful light. We felt quite anxious preparing for the trip. We have never taken a psychedelic this potent—except maybe Salvia—and even that was rather frightening. Regardless, we were excited to have this experience. We chose a comfortable couch to lay down on. We tripped one-by-one. The other non-trippers would oversee that all bongs, lighters and chairs were safely removed after the tripper inhaled his dose. They were also to remain silent. I was first to go.
- The Experience -
I inhaled the whole 2L bottle of smoke, put the blindfold over my eyes, and laid back into the couch. Within seconds I felt lightheaded and the feeling only intensified. I exhaled and was pulled out of my body at a great speed. Immediately I wondered what has happening. I completely forgot that I smoked Changa or that I even had a body. I thought of friends that told me that they are afraid of losing control, and thought that I am definitely not in control. There appeared a tunnel of sorts and I felt that I was moving thru it. I then found myself in a space that was occupied with other People. I say “People”, because they felt simultaneously like strangers and yet familiar. I could identify with them, but not wholly. It was as if I was one of them, in some way. Regardless, we held hands, or put our arms around each other, and made a circle with our arms and bodies.
In this circle was the tunnel mentioned. It was full of color and fractal patterns that either emanated or coalesced in the center of this spiraled tunnel. Here things get a bit confusing, and chronology may be difficult to establish. I had the sense that these People showed me my own life—that in the center of the spiral tunnel was my waking life and that I was now looking at it from the outside. The People asked what I thought of what I saw. I felt like I was essentially being the judge of my own life. I felt—more than saw—all the harm that I was creating in my life. It was terrible to look at, and when I tried to turn and look away, I only turned into the same tunnel with the same visions. Somewhere during this part of the experience, I felt supremely alienated from my own waking life. I tried to think of myself in my own life and I simply could not come to comprehend it.
I tried to think of myself in my own life and I simply could not come to comprehend it.
The concept of a living “me” felt inherently paradoxical. I felt trapped. This whole experience felt like a lifetime, and I could not escape it. I asked the People what this meant and they said, “It is what it is”. I could not make sense of anything now, and I felt like I was losing my mind. I realized then that the only way forward was to accept that I simply could not understand. I then began to giggle at the absurdity of it all—that I was both here (in this space) and there (in waking life) and neither here nor there.
I felt a desire to wake up, so I opened my eyes. Through the gap between the blindfold and my nose, I could see a yellow ladybug that was glued to the mirror in front of me. This was comforting. I breathed in and the cool air never felt more refreshing. My mouth felt gooey, as if it was filled with syrup. Still periodically closing me eyes, going from the other world to waking reality, I realized that we all just want the same simple things—a warm bed, a full belly, a person to share one’s life with. The People then asked me what I found to be important in my life. To summarize, I saw family—both the one wherein I originated, and also the one which I will someday create. I saw life as a precious gift, one that should not be squandered.
I started to remember that I smoked Changa and I asked my friend for the time. He said 15 minutes had passed. I then began to move my arms. The sensation was singularly peculiar and grounding. It was as if I could feel the bones inside my body and then the flesh covering them. I cannot describe the joy I had of being in my body once more. To use a potentially worn-out phrase, I had the keen sense that I was reborn.
This was my first Changa session, and it was no doubt the most frightful and profound experience I have ever had.
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