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Really Nurturing
Nutmeg
by Erika
Citation:   Erika. "Really Nurturing: An Experience with Nutmeg (exp112829)". Erowid.org. Feb 10, 2019. erowid.org/exp/112829

 
DOSE:
1 nuts oral Nutmeg (ground / crushed)
    oral Lavandula spp. (tea)

BODY WEIGHT: 102 lb


A Deep Experience With Nutmeg

The experience I had with nutmeg only happened out of chance - or rather, by following a craving. I am very interested in herbal therapy for healing and am always on some stupid diet or herbal regime to help with little bodily unwellness (none life threatening, just nuisances), and l have never been into mind altering substances as I was told once I started, I would end up as a drug addict and live under the bridges with the other drug addicts and die horribly, and lonely.

So the only thing I had had in my life is a horrid trip from Exctasy when I was spiked by an ex boyfriend (the trip started well but such paranoia came after, I thought he was going to kill me with a knife as he was walking around his flat with it, and as I had refused sex with him I was hiding in his living room...horrible, horrible trip...please do not spike anyone, ever, it is a horrid experience! Even if you think it would do that person good! Don't do it!!! ).

The other trip was a mushroom trip in Thailand and was quite nice but didn't really answer any questions nor made me change – only opened me up a little bit. After that, I wasn't interested in doing anything.

However, 20 years later, I was at work (I work in a food store) and I suddenly thought I really, really fancied nutmeg, and I fancied it right now! I had previously had had a craving for other things and I always follow cravings if they are to do with whole plant materials as I believe my body must need something in it. At the time I didn't know nutmeg had psychoactive properties – I ate it in faith that it was ok since it was on the shelves. So, bought some nutmeg during my break at 2pm, crushed it with my teeth then made a tea from it, and drank it with some lavender flowers. It tasted so good! I felt so happy following something really weird. I only had one whole nutmeg which is about 5g. Not drinking alcohol nor coffee nor anything mind altering, my body was really quite open and feels more receptive.

At about 5.45pm, after yawning on and on, I felt something going over me - as I am also interested in psychic development, I thought it was some connection happening, and I felt very strongly of someone who was thinking about me in sexual terms, whom I liked, and I felt a huge wave of arousal and of a sense of "knowing" he was there with me, touching me. I felt very alert, wondered what it was about, and drove home. I spoke to him on Facebook and he confirmed he had been thinking about me at that very time – he is psychically open so can travel to different places and see what people are up to. Made me feel good that I could feel him!

I then sat by the fire, after talking to him for a while and feeling really horny - I was feeling very relaxed, and slightly floaty.
I was feeling very relaxed, and slightly floaty.
As the evening went, the effects of nutmeg intensified, but I didn't understand what was happening to me, so my conscious mind started panicking. (“Hey, this feels good, this can't be right, panic!!!” says the ego)

However, beside the panic, I started hearing “guidance” or kind voices in my head talking to me to keep me in faith and feeling safe, but I didn't listen to those voices, I didn't understand what was happening. It felt similar to when I was spiked with esctasy and my ego thought it was going to die, so my heart rate started changing and my breathing went really shallow and difficult - I was scared, so I believe it is why the physical symptoms happened. I couldn't get myself to go outside in the garden in case a werewolf was hiding in the shadows (paranoia) but the mental guidance I was getting was so kind and calming that I did enjoy the experience without knowing it was an experience, as well as feeling incredibly horny (I am a rather frigid character, not really interested in sex) so it was quite amazing – I had the best orgasm that night I have ever had, felt someone was in me and as I played with myself the orgasm kept coming and coming for a lot longer than my female orgasm usually lasts for. It was amazing! I went to bed and my head was spinning and had lucid dreams. My mouth was really dry throughout the night so I drank a lot of water. The next day my head was still a bit spinny but the effects were gone. I didn't understand what had happened, till I had another nutmeg craving a few days later and did another tea with lavender flowers in it (and eating the nutmeg grounds) and had a similar experience -- experiencing fear as well as calm and guidance and feeling horny. My breathing still wasn't right – by that time I thought it may well be the nutmeg / lavender mix that was doing something to my system, so looked online and there the truth came out – nutmeg was a psychedelic spice!!!

From there on I took nutmeg every week or so, and at some point I fancied it so much I thought I may become truly addicted, as I wanted it one day after the next as it brought me so much insight but stopped myself – the strong craving never came back, but I was able to use it and still get an effect. The breathing difficulty and heart racing irregularly stopped when I understood what was going on – that I was taking a substance that was changing the way my conscious mind worked
The breathing difficulty and heart racing irregularly stopped when I understood what was going on – that I was taking a substance that was changing the way my conscious mind worked
– Now, whenever I had a big trip with it, my body feels fine, but I knew I had to be aware of negative thoughts.

The experiences in all were really nurturing – I used the guidance voice to ask myself deep questions or ask it deep questions which I felt lost for – and my usual self-sabotage and self hatred (which takes place in normal life as I struggle with my nasty controlling ego) stopped when I was on nutmeg. The ego was freaked out because it wasn't getting its ugly control any longer. However, the peace I got from those experiences was really worth it.

Once I also did it with a friend, we both took 6g each with extra spices like cayenne, cloves, cinnamon, turmeric (they are meant to help with absorption) etc, and blended the mix in yogurt. It is the best way to eat it that I found without it being disgusting -- by that time my craving had gone so it became more of an effort to consume it!!! We both had a different but interesting experience. We had such a laugh – I was peeing myself it was so funny, for the first hour. But as I had fallen out with my boyfriend the previous day, he was on my mind as he disagrees with substances, I felt guilty that I was experiencing things with the nutmeg, so I was half-way feeling paranoid because my ego was fretting about him and started imagining him coming around the door telling me off because I was accessing information and I shouldn't as I didn't have the training to get it??!! People meditate for years in order to get strong mentally, ego under control, and then they can access the knowledge in between layers of existence (or something that feels like that, probably self-delusion) so I felt my friend and I were not allowed in this place, and I felt I was looking at a lot of faces looking at me in surprise. I told her we shouldn't be there...(but stayed for a while anyway).

My friend felt very different, she didn't have all the stream of weird ideas and information rushing through the mind, she just felt happy, giggly, dry mouthed and relaxed (I didn't ask her if she felt horny). On my side, thoughts flew at such high speed I don't have time to grasp it nor write it down (my writing seems debilitated on nutmeg, I write so slowly) sometimes I can't even say it because the thought is so lucid, so clear and makes so much sense, then another information/thought comes in which I must follow and look into the details of. It is fascinating – I don't want to waste time talking but then the insight is gone! It was her first ever trip so she didn't know what to expect – she enjoyed it but it was gone by 12pm the next day (we had it at 12pm the previous day). She said I said some really odd things and some things ended up being right and others not right. The trip always starts making itself known between 4 and 6h after ingestion
The trip always starts making itself known between 4 and 6h after ingestion
. I seem to need more nutmeg now to feel it – maybe because I started taking cannabis oil to help with my body – but nutmeg effects felt very much like cannabis. Both opened up pathways in my head and allowed me to ask questions, get information on I don't know what, and feel that space and times were really an illusion and I was able to connect with people who were absent, dead and alive. It also seemed to increase the sense of being able to do contact healing – the energies are felt a lot stronger in the hands. (no miracle performed as yet, though, will work on it)

Now, I am really grateful my physical craving led me to eating something that shut my ego down and let the kinder presence in me rule for a while and let me know I am not my ugly ego. The only thing with nutmeg is it is visible physically– it always seems to give me red eyes and a very dry mouth so it is a bit obvious when I am on it if I see my disapproving boyfriend (who doesn't mind if it brings me to a place where I become really sexy and feeling like a feline in touch wanting his body).

Any mental stress or panic (at least in the beginning of the trip) may trigger physical symptoms. Yes, it keeps burping back for a few hours (I thought it was just me, reassured me that someone else lived that!!) and I felt quite tired the next day but don't mind.

Please do not drive when on nutmeg, I mis-timed it once and was driving to London, the nutmeg started acting when I was an hour away, and I panicked!!! I didn't trust myself to get there safe as I believe I am a bad driver – and thought I was going to get found out because I would drive weirdly, or have an accident!!! Then when approaching the turn-off on the m40 I thought I better drive really slowly to be safe as it is really busy, then I thought I was driving too suspiciously slowly and would be arrested for driving like that, or ram into someone – I was really scared and had such a go at myself, and fortunately, something was looking after me because nothing happened, I got to my destination safely... but never did that again. It also shows how I need to work on self-trust and working on personality/ego...a work in progress that I am hoping to help with my using substances to work on my mind and sort it out. I am so much calmer and easier going since I regularly take things - worried of course to be unable to live without them but some plants will always be available – will experiment with Wild lettuce next that grows in the UK and other allowed plants. Also, the mind will eventually get to understand it is not “it” and I believe I will change how I feel towards myself as being on the substance makes me so much more self-loving and kind and compassionate.

In search of spiritual growth... (Eckhart Tolle is also amazing to help with the mind...) or at least, balance. Anything else is a bonus!!!

Exp Year: 2018ExpID: 112829
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 39 
Published: Feb 10, 2019Views: 743
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Nutmeg (41) : General (1), First Times (2), Health Benefits (32), Sex Discussion (14), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Retrospective / Summary (11), Various (28)

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