Citation: yinyang. "Yin and Yang is One: An Experience with Pharmahuasca (Harmaline & DMT) (exp112734)". Erowid.org. Jan 27, 2019. erowid.org/exp/112734
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This was my first real experience with the spirit molecule. Previously I had smoked it and got nothing more than a few visuals, probably due to not smoking properly. I have also done LSD a couple of times. English is not my first language. First trip report.
I took the bag with harmine fb that I ordered online and dissolved 200 mg in lemon juice. After about an hour or so I took about 150 mg harmine more, because I didn't feel much effects. After 1 more hour itís midnight and the effects of harmine is quite strong at this point, so I dissolved 160 mg of DMT in lemon juice and drank, it tasted like vomit and might have been one of the most disgusting things I have ever drank. I took a cold shower because I wanted to feel clean and nice as I do after a shower, I felt the effects coming on now and were getting more and more scared.
As the effects came on, so did the nausea. I dried off and went into my room. I sat on the bed and thought I was becoming schizophrenic or something because I felt like something watched me and my brain started to interpret sounds with meaning, like any sound has a meaning connected to it so every sound is like an external thought. Weird. I felt vomit coming up my throat so I puked a huge red puke. I wiped the vomit off my mouth and nose and what kept me from freaking out was that I repeatedly told myself that everything is going to be fine and I tried to allow everything to happen. I lay back in my bed, I let the ego go, I let myself die. The journey begins.
I lay back and put on my earphones, and play my psytrance playlist. Psytrance is unbelievably cool to listen to while tripping. I lay on my stomach facing down in my bed and the visuals was beautifully flowing together with the music before my eyes. At the peak there was a blue person floating and dancing in front of me, I felt that she/he was from India. At the moment I did not know who it was but now thinking back on it, I believe it was Vishnu or Shiva.
When the visuals were intense I was only experiencing, only observing whatever happened. When the visuals started declining clock was about 1.30 am so had been tripping for maybe an hour. And as the visuals were getting less intense, the experience changed focus from outward experience to inward experience.
When the focus changed I realized I had an ego death. I was no longer the person I was coming into the experience, I simply was, but that is a boring explanation so we will go with a more exciting one. My awareness had detached from what we call mind, my mind was still thinking but I was not affected by it because I was not there. We are our ego but our ego is an illusion so we are nothing but nothing is everything because how could everything exist without nothing and nothing without everything. In this state there was no good nor bad, there was no desire, there was no attachments/caring about anything. And the only thing I could see was that we donít have anywhere to get, there is never a final destination, because every ending is a new beginning and vice versa. There will always be a moment before or after any other moment. The ALL is therefore eternal and infinite. Which means that you have done everything, you have been everyone and you will continue like this forever, you are everything. There is no meaning going on when you have already done everything. Why go on if there is no meaning in going on? Then donít go on? You canít not go on.
When I realized interdependent opposites (Dark-Light, Life-Death etc) there was a moment when I sat in my bed my train of thought comes towards that realization and it went something like this: Everything is the opposite of nothing and they make each other, everything is nothing. And as I approach the thought nothing I went on autopilot and put my head in a pillow so that I would see nothing. As if the universe itself told me that.
And because I was not identifying with my emotions and thoughts, there was no ego and my mind and awareness was free from the confusion and illusory of the ego. My mind was now like a computer that has one focus solving problems. It repeatedly tried to solve the problem of how to stop going on. And the problem of not going on canít be solved, because eternity means that everything has happened but the solution to that has never been found so there canít be a solution. Is a problem without a solution a problem? No, because problem and solution make each other. So they are really 2 things of the same. Just like me and other make each other, just like light and dark make each other, there is not one without the other and they are fundamentally one. The chinese daoists understood this a long time ago, and the buddha understood this. What we are all doing is wasting time because there is nothing else to do. Some waste their time on meditating, some waste their time on playing games and some waste their time watching a movie, it doesnít really matter how we waste our time, it is only up to you what you want to waste it on. We are karma which means action. We are our doing, we canít do nothing. Doing nothing is doing. There is no bad, and no good. It is all just a continuing experience. I AM.
You are the buddha you just have to realize it.
This experience of nothingness/everythingness continued for about 4 hours until my ego slowly started crawling back in. This was the deepest I have ever come in the psychedelic experience. Thanks for reading.
Yin and Yang.
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